Dp wanting anal more often…

[Forums4321]

Hi all, I’m not sure the rules on MN about certain words language (anal etc) so let’s hope this isn’t taken down!

looking for some opinions. My dp of 8 years, has resorted to anal the past 3 times we have had sex. I was the type of person that said I’d never do anal, until last year when we were a bit freaky and he wanted to do it so I tried it out. He had done it with other women before me but as I said I’d never do it we hadn’t gone down that route. When we tried it out for the first time I was quite open to it as I’ve been with him for so long, feel comfortable and open to more sexual experiences if it makes him happy.

we only did it a few times here and there over the past year but last week during sex he started ‘playing around’ down there and went for it again. I wasn’t bothered and just took it as another one-off. Then this week it happened again and tonight it has happened again. So the last 3 times we have had sex, we have started normally and it has ended up in the other ‘place’.

He kept saying how amazing his orgasm was from it etc due to it being ‘tight’. Tonight when he was finishing he mumbled that it’s so much better (meaning better than the vagina I assume). I instantly felt a bit annoyed with that comment but thought he had just said it in the moment. However after he had finished and stood up he repeatedly was telling me how amazing it was and ‘so much better’ ‘way better’.

He hasn’t realised this has caused me any offense, he’s just happy at the moment. But I feel quite upset about this. I feel like my vagina is not ‘good enough’ after he’s now CHOSEN to switch to anal for 3 times in a row! The comments about it being so much better is making me feel like im not tight down there so he’s preferring anal. Ofcourse it’s natural the bum hole would be much tighter I know this but if he’s deliberately choosing now to go down that route i feel I must be quite loose.

also, I don’t want this to become a regular thing. I’m happy to do it once in a while, ‘spice it up’ etc but I don’t want it to become normal.

what do you all think?

Why do it at all OP if it causes pain and nothing else. Why is he still interested when you've told him it causes you pain? Raise your standards OP. The female anus isn't designed for this and all sorts of horrible physical consequences can result from it - look it up!

OP, really examine why you felt you couldn't just close the door on this completely.

Why did you feel the need to keep it a possibility at all?

You don't like it. It hurts. He insults you afterwards.

Just say, 'I don't enjoy this sex act, we don't be doing it anymore.'

You're allowed to do that!

He's clearly into pushing boundaries to see what he can get away with.

Saying 'maybe every 6 months' or whatever rather than 'I don't like it, it's not happening again' gives him a lot more confidence to pressure and push to do it again.

Raise the issue again. Say 'actually DH, I've thought more about it- and anal is off the table for me. I don't like it so we won't be doing it again.'

No apology. No 'maybe one day'. A firm boundary.

So it’s the teachers?

Ah but having no sexual boundaries and participating in sex that hurts you and that you get no pleasure from is “empowering”

This latest incarnation of the patriarchy has played the cleverest trick yet. Making women believe that subjugating themselves completely for the benefit of men is actually “empowering”.

this thread was quite something...however, I would like to point out that even if anal sex was the healthiest thing ever, elixir of youth, and a wonder diet rolled into one demanding or coercing someone who finds it unpleasant and painful is NOT what a good partner does

@Forums4321 the second you said you don't fancy doing it that should have been the end of conversation. There is NO room for negotiation when it comes to sexual practices that one side does not want to engage in.

This guy can shove whatever he likes up his own ass, including his poor argument. You should probably find a better lover.

You should probably find a better lover.

He's not yet lover, he's her partner & father of her kids while she's a droendabt fulltime sahm and whatever she dues he finds something petty to criticise her about, fairly constantly by the sound of it.

He's the water torturer type of abuser.

Extremely entitled and selfish too.

That's the problem.

*dependant full time sahm

but as a starting point to what should be eventual breakdown of this toxic relationship OP should definitely stop having sex with him because he will abuse her

and she should concentrate on exit plan, because he will get more nasty as time goes by and his demands are not met

I thought a man too.

Ofc there's nothing wrong with enjoying anal but OP doesn't enjoy it. And no one "should" do sexual things they find painful to please their partner.

And if you don’t like it and you’re in pain it’s your fault for doing it wrong actually, because you’re supposed to get deep and beautiful and empowering arsegasms.

@Forums4321 was a virgin before she met her partner. She has absolutely no experience of men in general. No comparison can be made. He may well be rubbish in bed, be on the small side, anything he suggests might seem normal to her.

It seems to me @Forums4321 that his mention of time frames is to try and ensure (which effectively is pressuring) you let him do it at those times.

A decent guy would accept his partner wasn't that into it and just let it go.

I can't imagine a universe in which I told my DH I was uncomfortable with a sex act and he followed that by asking me for a 'time frame' for when I would do it.

You shouldn't ever do anything that hurts, or that you don't want to do for any reason.

And any man who wants to do something to you that hurts you, you don't enjoy or makes you uncomfortable, isn't worth knowing.

Seriously, if my DH did something and I said I didn't like it. He'd never try it or suggest it again. Because he's a decent human being.

Your DH isn't entitled to hurt you once every 6 months, so he can get his kicks. In fact, if he can still be turned on and orgasm while he knows you're in pain / uncomfortable / not enjoying it, then that makes him quite monstrous.

...or get a big strap-on and see how keen he is?

You're not enjoying it. Don't do it.

You do sound really passive.

Exactly this

"I don’t actually find it enjoyable physically, it’s rather painful but he’s slowed down a lot and lets me take control so I can handle it better"

My God... tell him that and see what happens. You are not a sex toy for his pleasure you are his wife.

Well I am starting to wonder if you necessarily do or if it is more fluid than we think. I mean I am not physically attracted to women but I wonder is it wasn't such a taboo for my generation (65) or if I had had bad sexual experiences with men if I would feel the same way.

Male bottoms are more resilient than female bottoms and the "recipient" gets a very intense orgasm due to the stimulation of the prostate...but you already know that don't you?

This thread is over a year old. Stop bumping old threads for no bloody reason!

it doesn't sound like you are speaking from personal experience so I am guessing you are a man.

He asked when he'd be allowed to have painful and dangerous sex with you again? I have no words.