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Original poster

Dp wanting anal more often…

427 replies

Forums4321 · 15/07/2023 22:56

Hi all, I’m not sure the rules on MN about certain words language (anal etc) so let’s hope this isn’t taken down!

looking for some opinions. My dp of 8 years, has resorted to anal the past 3 times we have had sex. I was the type of person that said I’d never do anal, until last year when we were a bit freaky and he wanted to do it so I tried it out. He had done it with other women before me but as I said I’d never do it we hadn’t gone down that route. When we tried it out for the first time I was quite open to it as I’ve been with him for so long, feel comfortable and open to more sexual experiences if it makes him happy.

we only did it a few times here and there over the past year but last week during sex he started ‘playing around’ down there and went for it again. I wasn’t bothered and just took it as another one-off. Then this week it happened again and tonight it has happened again. So the last 3 times we have had sex, we have started normally and it has ended up in the other ‘place’.

He kept saying how amazing his orgasm was from it etc due to it being ‘tight’. Tonight when he was finishing he mumbled that it’s so much better (meaning better than the vagina I assume). I instantly felt a bit annoyed with that comment but thought he had just said it in the moment. However after he had finished and stood up he repeatedly was telling me how amazing it was and ‘so much better’ ‘way better’.

He hasn’t realised this has caused me any offense, he’s just happy at the moment. But I feel quite upset about this. I feel like my vagina is not ‘good enough’ after he’s now CHOSEN to switch to anal for 3 times in a row! The comments about it being so much better is making me feel like im not tight down there so he’s preferring anal. Ofcourse it’s natural the bum hole would be much tighter I know this but if he’s deliberately choosing now to go down that route i feel I must be quite loose.

also, I don’t want this to become a regular thing. I’m happy to do it once in a while, ‘spice it up’ etc but I don’t want it to become normal.

what do you all think?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
TheoTheopolis23 · 16/07/2023 00:43

Dullardmullard · 16/07/2023 00:41

Wait a mo he’s double dipping isn’t he

vagina then anal fuck sake. That’s bad news

?? Only if he returns to vaginal sex after a al.sex.

Which it sounds like he doesn't.

The entire situation is still fucked up though.

Dullardmullard · 16/07/2023 00:46

TheoTheopolis23 · 16/07/2023 00:43

?? Only if he returns to vaginal sex after a al.sex.

Which it sounds like he doesn't.

The entire situation is still fucked up though.

Show quote history

I hope not but you’re right it’s totally fucked up.

bonzaitree · 16/07/2023 00:46

Tell him you don’t want to have anal sex.

End of discussion.

TheoTheopolis23 · 16/07/2023 00:49

I briefly read through the op.in your other thread op.

This stuck out (as well.sd you saying how u happy you've felt);

Even if I have done nothing wrong he can find the most silliest thing and cause an issue eg something not cleaned the way he expects or out of the 100 things I’ve done in the day he will pick on the 1 thing I missed and make me feel like rubbish

He sounds like an abuser to me.

Other posters in that thread thought so too.

In the context of that, this behaviour seems even worse (not that it wasn't bad enough on its own).

QuickWash · 16/07/2023 00:50

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/07/2023 00:29

So true @QuickWash

And frightening.

DD is saying she's more interested in girls at the moment thank goodness.

I was just thinking how lesbianism could offer a lot more scope for mutually pleasurable, non exploitative sexual experiences for the next generation. You do need to be same sex attracted though!

HermeticDawn · 16/07/2023 00:51

I think you have a skewed perspective on sex, if you’re priding yourself on ‘being open to’ something that only one of you enjoys. Also, that major issue aside, I wouldn’t be wasting my time with someone whose idea of pillowtalk was comparing the relative tightness of my orifices.

DirectionToPerfection · 16/07/2023 00:52

OP you haven't answered why you're agreeing to do this when you find it painful?

He doesn't have a right to anal, you need to stand up for yourself. If you feel you can't communicate about this you have bigger problems in the relationship.

TheoTheopolis23 · 16/07/2023 00:53

Hi oyre not married, you've got two kids to him, you're a sahm, you do everything round the house, he's always working ..... He's certainly got you in a dependent, vulnerable position. And he certainly likes to abuse it

The hood news is that you could walk tomorrow, get UC - rent, general.and child components, work a no of hours and still get UC, get 85% childcare (up.to a cap) paid while you're working on Us, get discounted council tax, hemp with school meals, uniforms etc., Child benefit, and you're owed child maintenance depending on how many over nights he takes the kids for. The cab (and WA) can help you work out all that. You're not trapped.

TheoTheopolis23 · 16/07/2023 00:54

Sorry about the typos

babbscrabbs · 16/07/2023 01:00

pinkyredrose · 16/07/2023 00:35

Sex isn't supposed to be painful, why would you do it when it hurts you?

Does he check you're ok with anal beforehand or does he just start sticking his dick in?

I mean this is quite key.

It sounds like OP hasn't actually consented to anal. He's just assumed it's ok to stick it in there.

Maybe you should stick something similar up his bum and assume that's ok without asking.

Nasty.

Emz6103 · 16/07/2023 01:01

THIS😢 personally I think the guy is selfish. Also what other "thing" springs to mind why men want anal sex and glow about how much "better" it is??

Emz6103 · 16/07/2023 01:12

Seems oddly fixated with small tight v@gin@$, or tight holes.......what's he fantasizing about? That would cause me worry.....what he's actually fantasizing about whilst talking about your tight little v@gin@. Sorry but that would do my head in!!

singJoanna · 16/07/2023 01:14

If you don't enjoy it don't do it. If you do enjoy it tell him that you will initiate it and until you do he should piss off.
Next time he mentions enjoying anal more because it's tighter tell him you enjoy dildos more because there not entitled fuck heads and are much bigger!
Your post reminded me of the sexual encounters I used to have in my late teens/early 20s. Fuckwit men destroying women's self esteem. Not to blow my own trumpet but I deserved so much better and I'm sure you do too.

Emz6103 · 16/07/2023 01:18

Yep oddly fixated with small tight v@gin@$......I couldn't, Id be forever wondering what he's fantasizing about tbh. He seems to glow after sex in a tight hole......

Marshmar · 16/07/2023 01:19

TheoTheopolis23 · 16/07/2023 00:53

Hi oyre not married, you've got two kids to him, you're a sahm, you do everything round the house, he's always working ..... He's certainly got you in a dependent, vulnerable position. And he certainly likes to abuse it

The hood news is that you could walk tomorrow, get UC - rent, general.and child components, work a no of hours and still get UC, get 85% childcare (up.to a cap) paid while you're working on Us, get discounted council tax, hemp with school meals, uniforms etc., Child benefit, and you're owed child maintenance depending on how many over nights he takes the kids for. The cab (and WA) can help you work out all that. You're not trapped.

Who is us? If your going to right this shit at least get your facts right first. People pay tax on UC, childcare help is dependant on what you earn. School uniform help where? The school dinners... it's laughable the majority of working people will pay for their kids school.

HirplesWithHaggis · 16/07/2023 01:19

Emz6103 · 16/07/2023 01:12

Seems oddly fixated with small tight v@gin@$, or tight holes.......what's he fantasizing about? That would cause me worry.....what he's actually fantasizing about whilst talking about your tight little v@gin@. Sorry but that would do my head in!!

We're allowed to say "vagina". We can even say "cunt". We're adults here.

CallieQ · 16/07/2023 01:22

I'm not sure what you are getting out of this sex life OP. Anyway anal is definitely not something you should do every time, save it for the occasional treat

whatausername · 16/07/2023 01:23

TheoTheopolis23 · 15/07/2023 23:00

"However, women who engage in anal sex are at greater risk from it than men. “Increased rates of faecal incontinence and anal sphincter injury have been reported in women who have anal intercourse,” the report said.
“Women are at a higher risk of incontinence than men because of their different anatomy and the effects of hormones, pregnancy and childbirth on the pelvic floor.
“Women have less robust anal sphincters and lower anal canal pressures than men, and damage caused by anal penetration is therefore more consequential."

That's what I think

This!

Also, micro tears happen during anal, including from frequent anal. In men these are easier to repair (to do with the length of a muscle i think), but in women the tears are more diffuse, smaller and more "bitty" so they often can't be repaired by surgery.

Btw, why are you having sex that is painful? That's not cool, or normal.

whatausername · 16/07/2023 01:27

HermeticDawn · 16/07/2023 00:51

I think you have a skewed perspective on sex, if you’re priding yourself on ‘being open to’ something that only one of you enjoys. Also, that major issue aside, I wouldn’t be wasting my time with someone whose idea of pillowtalk was comparing the relative tightness of my orifices.

This x1000. OP, i think you need to examine your boundaries and your perspectives on sex. You're very passive and the focus seems to be on him. Commenting on you the way he does is rude at best.

HerAvatar · 16/07/2023 01:27

I don't do anything with DH that causes me pain, why would I when sex is supposed to be about pleasure? I genuinely don't understand why you're doing something that hurts you OP 🤷🏻‍♀️ And that's before we even get into why you're staying with a man who knows it hurts you and wants to do it anyway, that's not love and you deserve better.

FattyBolger · 16/07/2023 01:29

Marshmar · 16/07/2023 01:19

Who is us? If your going to right this shit at least get your facts right first. People pay tax on UC, childcare help is dependant on what you earn. School uniform help where? The school dinners... it's laughable the majority of working people will pay for their kids school.

Show quote history

It’s obviously a typo and meant to say UC.

Velvetcakedaddy · 16/07/2023 01:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

toffeeappleglow · 16/07/2023 01:42

His comments aren't flattering, imo. "So much better"? Gross. 😡 I'd tell him how hearing that had made me feel so he has a chance to stop it.

Also, I wouldn't go along with things simply because he wants them. Personally, if something's painful, I'd be putting a stop to it right away. If he's that obsessed with it that he can't live without it, even knowing it's unpleasant for me, I'd rather just split up.

coxesorangepippin · 16/07/2023 01:42

I think you'd be better off without him

Absolutely yuck

lousyatchoosingnames · 16/07/2023 01:43

Papernotplastic · 15/07/2023 22:58

I think you should buy a strap-on so he can get the full experience.

😆😆😆

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