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Original poster

Dp wanting anal more often…

427 replies

Forums4321 · 15/07/2023 22:56

Hi all, I’m not sure the rules on MN about certain words language (anal etc) so let’s hope this isn’t taken down!

looking for some opinions. My dp of 8 years, has resorted to anal the past 3 times we have had sex. I was the type of person that said I’d never do anal, until last year when we were a bit freaky and he wanted to do it so I tried it out. He had done it with other women before me but as I said I’d never do it we hadn’t gone down that route. When we tried it out for the first time I was quite open to it as I’ve been with him for so long, feel comfortable and open to more sexual experiences if it makes him happy.

we only did it a few times here and there over the past year but last week during sex he started ‘playing around’ down there and went for it again. I wasn’t bothered and just took it as another one-off. Then this week it happened again and tonight it has happened again. So the last 3 times we have had sex, we have started normally and it has ended up in the other ‘place’.

He kept saying how amazing his orgasm was from it etc due to it being ‘tight’. Tonight when he was finishing he mumbled that it’s so much better (meaning better than the vagina I assume). I instantly felt a bit annoyed with that comment but thought he had just said it in the moment. However after he had finished and stood up he repeatedly was telling me how amazing it was and ‘so much better’ ‘way better’.

He hasn’t realised this has caused me any offense, he’s just happy at the moment. But I feel quite upset about this. I feel like my vagina is not ‘good enough’ after he’s now CHOSEN to switch to anal for 3 times in a row! The comments about it being so much better is making me feel like im not tight down there so he’s preferring anal. Ofcourse it’s natural the bum hole would be much tighter I know this but if he’s deliberately choosing now to go down that route i feel I must be quite loose.

also, I don’t want this to become a regular thing. I’m happy to do it once in a while, ‘spice it up’ etc but I don’t want it to become normal.

what do you all think?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
MumGMT · 16/07/2023 02:02

I feel comfortable/secure with him, so im open to more sexual experiences with him

Well you need honest, open communication then or your sex life will be ruined.

Tell him straight out how offensive it is that he kept saying how much better it was and how he should have had some consideration about how it would make you feel.
Ask him how he would feel if you said that about something and made out his penis was second best.

Be clear with him that you don't want it regularly

NoisePolice5 · 16/07/2023 02:19

Papernotplastic · 15/07/2023 22:58

I think you should buy a strap-on so he can get the full experience.

This times 1000

jonahjones · 16/07/2023 03:04

lavenderlou · 16/07/2023 00:16

I'm sorry but you regularly engage in an unenjoyable and painful sexual experience that you have not explicitly consented to because you want to make your partner happy? I find that really concerning. I would be horrified if my DDs ended up in relationships where they felt like this. Makes me realise I am going to have to have some uncomfortable but necessary conversations with them on this subject in the coming years.

yes my first thought also was what is my teen dd going to have to put up with from men If anal is now expected as the normal routine of sex. its bloody sad and depressing. I myself have never done it, never even thought to do it. my anus has never felt any kind of arousal or need to be penetrated in the way my vagina has so why would I do it, it's as simple as that.
I too will be having the conversation with dd and letting her know anal is not the norm and should never be expected of her by any man.

peanutbuttertoasty · 16/07/2023 03:07

Arsehole (him, not yours)

You need to value yourself more highly. You're not a slab of meat served up for his pleasure. The way you talk about yourself is quite detached and strange, like you weren't really there.

jonahjones · 16/07/2023 03:10

Also could your husband be secretly gay op if he enjoys anal more than vaginal sex? 🤔
yes I know many straight men enjoy anal with woman but if a man enjoys it too much in preference to the vagina and raves on about how amazing anal is then the thought would cross my mind.

nomoretoriesforme · 16/07/2023 03:39

Papernotplastic · 15/07/2023 22:58

I think you should buy a strap-on so he can get the full experience.

Totally agree.. Grin

Hohumitsreallyallthereis · 16/07/2023 05:11

At a minimum you need to tell him his comments are incredibly rude and that anal will only happen if you initiate it OR you never want it again. If he tries to make you feel guilty you have your confirmation that you are in an abusive relationship.

MumOfOneAwesomeHuman · 16/07/2023 05:23

Papernotplastic · 15/07/2023 22:58

I think you should buy a strap-on so he can get the full experience.

THIS!!!

daisychain01 · 16/07/2023 05:47

OP please discover some self respect. You aren't just a piece of meat to give your H a nice time. You deserve better, much much better.

You need to find out about bodily autonomy, that you don't just give up your whole self to a man for the taking, and abandon ownership of your physical boundaries.

Again, you deserve better, much much better.

daisychain01 · 16/07/2023 05:49

peanutbuttertoasty · 16/07/2023 03:07

Arsehole (him, not yours)

You need to value yourself more highly. You're not a slab of meat served up for his pleasure. The way you talk about yourself is quite detached and strange, like you weren't really there.

Sorry I repeated your comments without noticing your post, but it does show we probably aren't far wrong with how the OP has sadly explained this situation.

daisychain01 · 16/07/2023 05:51

jonahjones · 16/07/2023 03:04

yes my first thought also was what is my teen dd going to have to put up with from men If anal is now expected as the normal routine of sex. its bloody sad and depressing. I myself have never done it, never even thought to do it. my anus has never felt any kind of arousal or need to be penetrated in the way my vagina has so why would I do it, it's as simple as that.
I too will be having the conversation with dd and letting her know anal is not the norm and should never be expected of her by any man.

Show quote history

Is this exponential increase due to porn? Or is that a very silly question .....

IWillBeWaxingAnOwl · 16/07/2023 05:54

daisychain01 · 16/07/2023 05:51

Is this exponential increase due to porn? Or is that a very silly question .....

Show quote history

Most likely yes @daisychain01 . Available porn is getting more and more extreme, and the age of first viewing is dropping so it becomes more and more formative. Plus online there is just SO MUCH OF IT. It's no longer just the odd magazine or downloaded image.

Mummyoflittledragon · 16/07/2023 06:10

TheoTheopolis23 · 16/07/2023 00:34

Porn actresses theoretically accept financial compensation for wrecking their back passages and risking ending up incontinent.... What financial compensation are you getting for doing it??

They also (theoretically) choose to do that as part of their work.
You're being put under pressure/coerced/having it assumed you're going to do it in a relationship; where you feel you have to, or it might affect your relationship if you don't etc. You don't even have the agency of a porn actress.

Apparently porn actresses spend 12 hours getting ready for anal. They don’t just go for it as that would be incredibly painful and even more dangerous. There was a podcast linked on a recent thread on the subject, which also discussed that men also took a long time getting ready. I only listened to the beginning part as I have a teen dd and am concerned about this porn addled world, where hurting young women is seen as the norm.

Sorry but this man doesn’t truly love you in the way that you deserve to be loved. You’d know that if you’d had more sexual experiences. Having had a horrible experience with my first boyfriend, where it was just shoved in there when we were both very horny (perhaps by mistake as we were young idk), it’s not something I want to do, especially due to the risk. I was in agony for days!

Men shouldn’t be actively wanting to hurt and harm their partner.

KentuckyFriedChicken83 · 16/07/2023 06:10

Weirdly I'm seeing ads for Anusol whilst reading this thread 🤔

As someone who used to do this quite regularly in my younger days, I can say that it does cause issues with your anal sphincter over time.

Mermaidparades · 16/07/2023 06:27

@jonahjones if you haven’t tried anal stimulation how can you possibly know that you don’t like it? Please also be wary of how you approach this with your DD, to teens often the more taboo = the more enticing.

elbelx · 16/07/2023 06:29

Maybe once he starts to get crap all over his manhood he will go off the idea.

Noicant · 16/07/2023 06:36

Honestly this shit scares the life out of me for my DD.

OP would you randomly slip a dildo up his bottom during sex? If not why not? Would you go on about how much you enjoy using a dildo on him even if he said it hurt? If not why not? Is it maybe because you are not an utter prick who has some consideration around consent and not causing your partner pain for your own pleasure?

People who love you don’t treat you this way. Next time just tell him no, I don’t want to. Better yet just get rid of him.

piedbeauty · 16/07/2023 06:38

BalletBob · 15/07/2023 23:38

I think I would find such a preoccupation with my vagina being "small" or "tight" extremely off-putting and decidedly unsexy. And worrisome.

Yes, me too.

Wallywobbles · 16/07/2023 06:45

My first ExH was obsessed with anal. I was so glad when we got divorced. I absolutely fucking hated it. It was a condition he made of getting married. He was such an awful abusive man what the fuck was I thinking.

Ladybug14 · 16/07/2023 06:49

The problem seems to be that he is your first lover so you have nothing to compare him with

For me (and I've had a bit more experience than you as I'm older!) he sounds as though he's a 15 year old boy

His narrative is deeply unsexy and childlike with lots of (verbal and physical) reinforcement to try to ensure he gets what he wants each time 🤮

He hurts you but you put up with it because he goes a bit slower, which hurts less (this is truly awful)

Trust me - this man is NOT a good lover

His skills are minimal, basic and self serving

If you're happy with this for the rest of your life, I'd be very surprised

You deserve better , way better than this boorish idiot

Stratocumulus · 16/07/2023 06:59

I hope you have an enema before bed? 🙄

I know someone who worked in a sexual health clinic so from that I know you could be setting yourself up for anal incontinence sooner or later.

Please, think very hard about what us MN’s are telling you and put a stop to it. Why would he want to invade the sewage works when there’s a scented garden next door? Pleeeeease take care of yourself & health.

TheYear2000 · 16/07/2023 07:00

Just like PP, my main thought is, you poor thing OP, if he is your first lover and only reference point for the male sex. You must be quite young and as you say are relatively inexperienced- there's a gap between your confidence and his. You also call him your life long partner, which forgive me sounds so naive coming from someone so young... is this the level of connection you want forever? Wanting to please the man at all costs, putting up with a sex act that hurts you (and has horrendous eventual consequences), being unable to clearly communicate your wants or boundaries? With a man who is rude about your vagina?! He sounds absolutely awful and he is not treating you like his equal or a real human being in your sex life, more like a prop for porn inspired fantasies. You deserve so much better.

loislovesstewie · 16/07/2023 07:03

I'll be honest; I've never had anal sex and have never wanted too. I don't fancy the idea of having my anus stretched so I become incontinent ,besides I have a perfectly good vagina that was made for the job. Having said that if others want to that's fine.It seems to me that you are doing it because he likes it, that doesn't make for good sex. If you have nothing else to compare him with then you won't know if he is selfish , or interested in your pleasure. He doesn't seem to be asking each time if you want that, but now takes it as read that he can just switch between vagina and anus.
I'd get rid of him and find better, BTW how big is his penis? I once had the misfortune to have sex with a man who had a micro penis, it was truly unmemorable. Is he very small and has to have anal to feel anything? [ It really was a micro, he looked as though he was about 8, the rest of him was normal]

IhaveanewTVnow · 16/07/2023 07:07

An ex boyfriend once asked if we could try anal. Sure I said but let’s practice on you first. No, he said, I don’t want it. And there I had my answer. No.

try anything but it has to be mutual and enjoyable for both. And safe. But enjoyable for you too - men’s pleasure does not prioritise your pleasure - ignore those films.

BlockedButWhy · 16/07/2023 07:08

Papernotplastic · 15/07/2023 22:58

I think you should buy a strap-on so he can get the full experience.

Hahaha I laughed out loud.
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