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Original poster

Dp wanting anal more often…

427 replies

Forums4321 · 15/07/2023 22:56

Hi all, I’m not sure the rules on MN about certain words language (anal etc) so let’s hope this isn’t taken down!

looking for some opinions. My dp of 8 years, has resorted to anal the past 3 times we have had sex. I was the type of person that said I’d never do anal, until last year when we were a bit freaky and he wanted to do it so I tried it out. He had done it with other women before me but as I said I’d never do it we hadn’t gone down that route. When we tried it out for the first time I was quite open to it as I’ve been with him for so long, feel comfortable and open to more sexual experiences if it makes him happy.

we only did it a few times here and there over the past year but last week during sex he started ‘playing around’ down there and went for it again. I wasn’t bothered and just took it as another one-off. Then this week it happened again and tonight it has happened again. So the last 3 times we have had sex, we have started normally and it has ended up in the other ‘place’.

He kept saying how amazing his orgasm was from it etc due to it being ‘tight’. Tonight when he was finishing he mumbled that it’s so much better (meaning better than the vagina I assume). I instantly felt a bit annoyed with that comment but thought he had just said it in the moment. However after he had finished and stood up he repeatedly was telling me how amazing it was and ‘so much better’ ‘way better’.

He hasn’t realised this has caused me any offense, he’s just happy at the moment. But I feel quite upset about this. I feel like my vagina is not ‘good enough’ after he’s now CHOSEN to switch to anal for 3 times in a row! The comments about it being so much better is making me feel like im not tight down there so he’s preferring anal. Ofcourse it’s natural the bum hole would be much tighter I know this but if he’s deliberately choosing now to go down that route i feel I must be quite loose.

also, I don’t want this to become a regular thing. I’m happy to do it once in a while, ‘spice it up’ etc but I don’t want it to become normal.

what do you all think?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
LookingForFreeDoughnuts · 15/07/2023 23:13

You're in pain while he orgasms? That sounds awful.

Wallywobbles · 15/07/2023 23:13

So you don't actually enjoy it but his pleasure is all that really matters as long as you're not in pain. Think about that then change the genders and think again.

AuContraire · 15/07/2023 23:15

So you don't enjoy it, and you have to tolerate it.

Tell him you don't enjoy anal sex and you don't want to do it again.

His response will tell you all you need to know.

porridgeisbae · 15/07/2023 23:16

If you hadn't agreed it beforehand then that is rape OP.

NoBrainer · 15/07/2023 23:16

Had a go once and my instant reaction was to yell and kick him away as it felt painful. Not going there again thank you very much!! Porn has a lot to answer for in making women feel this is to be expected nowadays. Doesn't feel natural to me or pleasurable. Tbh if my partner was that keen on anal it would make me question our compatibility.

NorthernGirlie · 15/07/2023 23:18

Will he still be your life long partner when your arse hole gives way?

Honestly - we teach our girls to advocate for themselves now, we don't bow down to the pleasure of the patriarchy now @Forums4321

Marshmar · 15/07/2023 23:18

I'm sorry to sound boring but it's not something I would even consider I imagine it's super painful and I would be totally off put by him getting off on it so much...

UsernameNotAvailableArghh · 15/07/2023 23:19

LTB then proclaim how much better it is!
He’s using you as a vessel, that’s not ok.

Geppili · 15/07/2023 23:22

Please, please just buy a strap on and peg him.

SunRainStorm · 15/07/2023 23:23

I'd be offended as well.

Three times in a row in the context you're describing is him being selfish and seeing if he can change the status quo.

Take it off the table for now, you don't actually enjoy it.

He knows it's not a great experience for you and he's prioritising his 'better' orgasm instead. Shitty selfish behaviour.

Is he small? Is there a reason a vagina isn't tight enough for him?

Dotcheck · 15/07/2023 23:24

He doesn’t ask
You’re but prepared for it
Anal leakage

urgh

INeedAnotherName · 15/07/2023 23:24

You asked what we thought. My first thought is he just wants a tight hole. Not necessarily yours. It doesn't even have to be attached to a human. Any tight hole will do.

QuickWash · 15/07/2023 23:24

Sex shouldn't be about you doing what he wants when you don't want it too. Tolerating and learning to cope with anal sex, for what? For him to insult you and leave both physically uncomfortable and emotionally confused/unsettled and upset. And he hasn't noticed, or checked in, or asked?

If you've been together for a long time and this is a sudden change in his predilections and approach to you, then I would be very concerned as to what else has changed recently. If I was a betting woman I'd say he's watching porn of a sort of in a way he wasn't before.

No one should be made to feel bad by a sexual encounter. No one should be left feeling they can't voice their worries, concerns and discomfort with the person they've just been penetrated by. Least of all someone you share your life with. You have equal rights to comfort, sexual pleasure, safe intimacy and there is nothing wrong with having boundaries.

If you don't feel this is a conversation you can have with him then things are more problematic than just sex.

Dotcheck · 15/07/2023 23:25
  • You’re NOT prepared for it
Original poster
Forums4321 · 15/07/2023 23:27

SunRainStorm · 15/07/2023 23:23

I'd be offended as well.

Three times in a row in the context you're describing is him being selfish and seeing if he can change the status quo.

Take it off the table for now, you don't actually enjoy it.

He knows it's not a great experience for you and he's prioritising his 'better' orgasm instead. Shitty selfish behaviour.

Is he small? Is there a reason a vagina isn't tight enough for him?

I think he just loved the sensation which is why he’s done it a few times, due to the intense orgasm he gets.

I will be telling him that it’s not something k want to do that regularly. I did agree Ofcourse, I’m not saying I was against it etc.

he’s not small at all. Well he’s the only man I have been with so I guess I have nothing to compare to, but to me he’s rather on the larger side… Definitley not small.

when we were doing vaginal he was telling me how tight I was… as he does usually anyway. During different stages of mg cycle he seems to hit my cervix alot and feel quite big sometimes and he’ll tell me I’m tight, have a small vagina etc.. but who knows if that’s true!

OP posts:
Daisythecat15 · 15/07/2023 23:28

You need to tell him how you feel. Tell him you don't want anal every time. Tell him you didn't like his comments. And tell him it hurts! He's obviously must enjoying himself not realising your feelings.

I tried it once years ago. It hurt like hell. I yelped and practically jumped across the room. And since then I've had hemorrhoids. I would never do it again, no matter how much a man liked it. Vagina or nothing.

arethereanyleftatall · 15/07/2023 23:30

'I don’t actually find it enjoyable physically, it’s rather painful'

Right.

So - why op? Just why?

Why do you value yourself so low compared to him that you would do this?

That's the question you need to be asking yourself.

What does he do for you that he finds painful and doesn't physically enjoy, but does it anyway because you like it?

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/07/2023 23:34

How long have you been together?

Original poster
Forums4321 · 15/07/2023 23:35

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/07/2023 23:34

How long have you been together?

8 years

OP posts:
gemstoneju · 15/07/2023 23:35

Why are you with this man, OP? He is treating you like a lump of meat and couldn't gaf about your feelings, desires or the physical consequences. Reading your own posts, can't you SEE that?

I bet Germaine Greer never thought men would end up wanking in the anus.

Just LTB.

BalletBob · 15/07/2023 23:38

I think I would find such a preoccupation with my vagina being "small" or "tight" extremely off-putting and decidedly unsexy. And worrisome.

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/07/2023 23:41

BalletBob · 15/07/2023 23:38

I think I would find such a preoccupation with my vagina being "small" or "tight" extremely off-putting and decidedly unsexy. And worrisome.

Me too. Yuk.

The sudden change after 8 years, I'd assume more extreme porn. Is he a lot older than you OP?

Stravaig · 15/07/2023 23:42

I don’t actually find it enjoyable physically, it’s rather painful
Why on earth are doing something that you don't enjoy and that causes you pain? It's not healthy.

he’s slowed down a lot and lets me take control so I can handle it better.
Why on earth are you with a man who takes pleasure in acts which he knows cause you pain? That's sadistic, of both of you.

Your ideas about love, and safety, and what a healthy relationship is are seriously fucked up.

JudgeRudy · 15/07/2023 23:42

It's unclear what your Q is as you've just asked what do you think?
I think posters are being very unfair to your OH and assuming he's a selfish abusive partner. I don't think that's the case. He's particularly enjoyed the anal he's had recently and has let you know. You've not communicated that you don't enjoy/want it so naturally he's keen to do it again. I don't actually think your problem is with the anal itself (tho take note of the warnings), it sounds like you're offended that your vagina isn't good enough. I doubt he has even considered you might feel this way.
I suggest you speak with him but be clear about what you're saying/asking. What do you want? Do you just want to hear that yes, he loves having vaginally intercourse with you, or do you want to limit the anal to say you occasionally initiating it, do you never want to do it again, do you not want him to cum up your bum....you need to get this straight in your own head first. If you're unsure yourself, don't expect him to read your mind.

gemstoneju · 15/07/2023 23:43

Is this really what men are becoming? After a week of depressing news about the subject, I do wonder if we're headed for an era of female separatism. So fecking glad I'm single.