Just found out partner of 10 years pays for hand jobs

[Havanawinter]

I was sending myself some pics on my partners WhatsApp and saw a random message thread, so yes I clicked. Turns out it’s for a Thai massage lady called Mimi who offers “B2B” which google tells me is basically a happy ending. I’m in total shock. I have confronted him and he admitted it. Said he has only been once but had another one booked in for a few weeks time.

He’s putting the kids to bed and I’m sat in the bedroom in absolute shock. I thought we were happy. We have 2 kids aged 5 and 2. We were discussing trying for a third. I’ve just started a new job. We’re not married, please don’t flame me for this, I can’t take it right now.

What do I do? I need a hand hold. And a hug. I can’t believe this has happened to me. I never thought I’d be here.

I'm so very sorry.

I can understand you not wanting to come back to this thread but if you need support in helping you to move on/out, MN is a brilliant place to get it.

You must be reeling.

This is a nightmare. What a loser he is. Leave him- find someone who loves you completely

This would absolutely be the end for me. Lonely? Yeah I go and pay for sexual services every time I am lonely....not. id never trust a man again if he did this to me.

These sort of comments are all to common I fear. Manage to, even appear to delight in, damning not only the one who has strayed but also injured party. Put me in mind of vultures that won't be happy until everyone is single suffering.

I wouldn't be believing him that it was a hand job if I'm honest. What a pig!

No way is 130 just for a HJ. Well, that is one very expensive HJ (which he could have just given himself).
Nice one DP, who an absolute idiot. Well he will soon be finding out how difficult you have it with you child when he is having to deal with him without your help on 'his days' when you kick his cheating arse out the door. (I hope you go down that route - you deserve better).

Sorry to hear this. Must be a complete shock. He will have compartmentalised these actions. A meaningless dirty orgasm, quick and efficient and then at gone his loving family. Quite common for men who see women as madonna/whore.

The key is how you deal and respond? Are you in an open relationship, maybe you can go and get your rocks off with random guys who take your fancy! Keep it meaningless and it least you won't need to pay for it!

I'm sure you a vibrant, attractive woman so whether you choose to stay or go don't let him think this bulllshit is ok fke the poor menz who feel lonely! Plenty of women would love nothing more than a fuss free orgasm. Look after you

I thought on MUMSNET any trace of looking on adultwork was instant evidence of partaking and instantly out the door.
(No. Have never looked)

Mmm that message suggests he has asked for something different - if he has only seen her once, she has no idea what is 'different' for him, suggesting he has seen her multiple times for the same thing and is now varying what he asks for.

A B2B is full naked body contact and for some people will be pretty much sex without penetration, hence the face and the 'are you sure'... and the price.

Boot the fucker out, he's a prize shit.

A B2B isn't a hand Job ( happy ending) it's similar to a Tai massage .. oil is used on the man's body and the " masseur" massages his body using her body..
( Tai massage is where the breasts only are uses to massage the body with oil).
That's why it's £130.
Regardless of the correct definition.. you need to walk away from this man ASAP.
This is not his first time and won't be his last.
You deserve much much better.Get your dignity and your kids together.. tell him to pack his bags and leave NOW!.
Go to the clinic.
Gather family and friends around you for support and learn to love yourself not him.

Agreed~ Too much gloating and revelling in another's misery.
@Havanawinter If you are still here, I'm really sorry for what has happened.

Men and sex..Well...they seem to be built differently to most women when it comes to sex.
I'd not trust ANY of them.

The sweetest, nicest man can have a dark side.

At least you know now, before trying for a third child with this faithless man.

Sometimes I wonder if young children are a trigger for stuff like affairs or visiting sex~workers.
It seems to change the dynamic.

{Yes~It happened to me, too..Husband had affair. Now on his third marriage!

Men and sex..Well...they seem to be built differently to most women when it comes to sex.
I'd not trust ANY of them.

Look, ok.pretty much a misandrist but generalising like this is not helpful; it actually suggests to a woman that it's in the realm of normal, and that she won't get a better man if she gets rid of this one.

And I don't think.eirher of those things are definitely true.

£130 to have a someone wank you off for what 10 mins - I'm in the wrong job

I’m sorry but I don’t believe he’s lonely as he’s pre-booked the next appointment! Your lonely but you “haven’t gone somewhere else” and on a serious note I’d get in touch with your sexual health clinic to get checked out too you can ask for a test to be posted out to you and send it back In pre posted packet… and he’s definitely getting more than a hand job for £130.
I wouldn’t be staying you’ll constantly be thinking 24/7 and where there’s no trust there’s nothing as ive been in your exact situation previously but whilst pregnant and he was a little violent too but I made it out with baby and 7year old and now I’m as happy as a pig in muck so there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Utter bollocks. Huge proportion my arse.

you need to get tested

If you read the thread, it's been cleared up that he's been quoted £130 after he asked for b2b.

Which is a fully nude body to body rubbing "massage" in which the sex worker gets naked, oils up and rubs herself over the man - sometimes incorporating oral etc sex.

Loneliness is never about sex. Nobody wants sex because they're lonely they want it because they want a shag and bleat loneliness as an excuse. Having sex doesn't stop you being lonely either especially not this sort of anonymous sex.

And THIS is the reason I refuse to live, date or even be with another man!! At 44 after a 17 year marriage (to a man who used every opportunity he could to look and w* over porn) and a four year relationship with what amounted to a complete psycho I vowed never EVER to date another man!! I am happily on my own, no one deceiving me, lying to me, threatening me, using me, or abusing me is absolute bliss! Porn is just too easy to obtain, and men are too weak to refrain especially as it's at their fingertips all day long, whenever they want it!! Women have to accept their part in it too as they enjoy the cash made from only fans......I think we either accept their porn habits or live alone and date....or not at all. You deserve better than his grubby little habit. He'll never stop, if he could he wouldn't be doing it in the first place. Trust is EVERYTHING, you will be constantly thinking is he thinking about her, is he looking at porn whilst I'm at the shops, out with friends etc. Not trusting him will make you a very unhappy lady and you deserve better

I’m so sorry for you op, you must feel devastated. I’m wishing you lots of strength. I wish I had something helpful to say. The STI check definitely. I hope whatever happens you and your kids will be okay. 💐

💯!!...... like he deserves that much respect for sleeping with a h©©k€r!?! Wouldn't be any £50 per hour "to explore" why he pretends to be at meetings when in reality hes "knocking one out" with a naked girl.

It’s worse than cheating. It’s the money, it’s the fact the woman may have been trafficked…… I simply couldn’t come back from that.

OP you can’t read this enough times.
x

Yes I’d be interested to know how he’d feel if you were paying a man for sexual services? He’d hate it of
course!

You said you have a close family,lean on them now for support (and friends)

A guy from a company I used to work for had all the massage parlours mapped out when on conferences.

He'd get off the train and go straight for an 'assisted bath'.

Married with kids. I used avoid him at all costs.