Just found out partner of 10 years pays for hand jobs

[Havanawinter]

I was sending myself some pics on my partners WhatsApp and saw a random message thread, so yes I clicked. Turns out it’s for a Thai massage lady called Mimi who offers “B2B” which google tells me is basically a happy ending. I’m in total shock. I have confronted him and he admitted it. Said he has only been once but had another one booked in for a few weeks time.

He’s putting the kids to bed and I’m sat in the bedroom in absolute shock. I thought we were happy. We have 2 kids aged 5 and 2. We were discussing trying for a third. I’ve just started a new job. We’re not married, please don’t flame me for this, I can’t take it right now.

What do I do? I need a hand hold. And a hug. I can’t believe this has happened to me. I never thought I’d be here.

Jeez, talk about bitterness. She just found out and is trying to focus a huge shock, with vulnerable kids in the midst...

I disagree @Mumtothreegirlies. The very first post on this thread is saying that she doesn't think it's a deal breaker. The second is talking about hand jobs.

Even the OP is talking about a happy ending meaning a blow job or hand job. He's fucking a prostitute. The man who she is having sex with and had had unprotected sex with many times is fucking a prostitute.

I think it needs saying.

You don't have bigger fish to fry than him, who should be in a deep fryer. Disgusting sleazy profligate man. He's reprehensible.

He truly is neither your partner nor best friend so stop kidding yourself. Do you want your kids around this sort of carry on? Ugh I wouldn't be able to look at him.

Wasting family money on his selfish horrible self. Lonely my arse he's pathetic. I'm so angry on your behalf. Get really angry and end it. He doesn't care about you or the family. Vile creature.

Strikes me that £130 is quite a lot just for a wank. B2B in massage is a body to body massage. The therapist will be naked, so will he. Ah, there you go.

The concern should now be getting yourself a STD check
Yes, do that.

You and he have to split up. You don't stick around for more of this, OP. Being 'lonely' is no excuse. None of this was your fault.

Be aware that as soon as you make it clear this is the end of the line, both he and his family will instantly become your enemies. Some of them might pretend not to... but they all really are. My in laws promised me all kinds of love before the actual break up came - and turned instantly when it happened.

I need a hand to hold.

And he clearly needs other hands to hold.

Are you alright?? I was trying to inform OP so that she had some facts behind her and couldn't be lied to. No nasty intention whatsoever 😠

B2B isn’t just a handjob.

B2B is ‘Body2Body.’ Both people are naked and the masseuse rubs her body all over the man’s body. This obviously involves a hand job, oral sex and sometimes more. Hence the price of £130.

Imo that’s fucking unforgivable. That’s a very personal and intimate act so how would you be able to get past that?

Sorry to hear your situation. Ive found myself in a similar situation, though mine says he was only looking. The trouble is I dont believe him and no longer trust him. Without trust I personally dont think theres a relationship. But thats just my opinion.

Look on adultwork, prices are all laid out for you.
£130 is 30 mins to an hour
Sure, he could spend that time having a handjob.
How many men do you think take that option?

He is vile, you deserve better! Sending hugs OP 💐

Felt you could have been a bit more sensitive about it. Rather then plaster her mind with dirty vile images of what her husband might be up to. So that she feels suicidal and depressed before bed whilst having to look after a special needs child.

No, it is far more helpful to know the facts, rather than "sorry hun"

What’s the name of the panorama?

What is the definition of B2B massage and details on how to do it?
B2B stands for body to body and as such is pretty self defining. It is a sexual act more than a traditional massage where both parties get naked and the masseuse rubs her body all over the male’s body.

At the start the man is often face down; she rubs his legs, buttocks, back, mainly with her breasts. It usually quickly leads to the “flip” when the male turns over on his back making his erection accessible. The masseuse then repeats the process starting at the legs, moving up, often stopping to suck on the erection, to massage the erection between her breasts and continuing upwards to allow the recipient’s mouth access to her breasts. Often she will then continue to the point of “massaging” the head/mouth with her vagina, the subject performing oral sex on her which in turn often leads to her turning around for what is referred to as a 69, with both of them performing mutual oral sex.

As you might surmise, at this point both are quite sexually stimulated and will often continue on to some form of intercourse (cowgirl being common) although some will simply finish everything off by providing a “happy ending” for the client, i.e. continued stimulation to the point of orgasm.

Sorry OP definitely more than 'just' a hand job

Sorry you're having to go through that. I'm sceptical about the loneliness claim. Lots of people are lonely or sad....and they manage not to pay for sex work. I'm afraid some men always want a bit of extra, even if they're sexually satisfied in their relationships.

You sound slightly apologetic for his loneliness, as if it is somehow your fault or the fault of the circumstances with your child that have contributed to this. It's all on him though. He goes out to work. He's not lonely. You're more likely far more lonely than him. And yet you haven't made excuses and found someone to stick their hand up your skirt in order to alleviate your loneliness!
You do not visit a sex worker because you're lonely. You visit them because you are horny. Don't let him play the lonely card. That's abusive as he's trying to shift his responsibility onto you! This is not in any way your fault!

I would also be wary about him admitting that he has only done it once before or was going to do it just one more time. He's trying to appear honest about his dishonesty.

I would be tempted to text the same number and pose as another man and ask for a list of services and prices. That way you might discover why this time the price is £130. Rogy now he's admitted to everything that he knows that you know. He can't deny it. But he's absolutely not going to admit to anymore than that.

You do not need to make any decisions right now. Those type of decisions have a tendency to make themselves over time. Personally I would be after space. He needs to step up and look after the kids whilst you go out with friends and offload and deal with your own emotions.

So sorry you're going through this.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I went through similar 4 months ago. Was recovering from a caesarean section, our baby was only 5 weeks old. I’m still struggling with it but for my sanity and my children to have a calm life - I kicked him out the same night I found out. Absolutely torn my world apart but I know staying with him, for me, would have been hell. The trust was trashed. I’m not living my life worrying all day what he’s doing. The escorts can have him! I understand the devastation totally though. I wish I could hug you. Remember this is absolutely nothing to do with you!!! This is just him being a weak perverted man. Take care of yourself and tell someone you trust, that’s grounded and sensible. It’s too much to deal with alone! Big hugs 😢❤️

Some of these comments are quite inflammatory. I suggest you slow it all down and try and explore it all with him step by step. See if you can get some relationship counselling to help you do this. If you decide to split, they might help meditate some of the difficulties. And you might decide to try to work through it. I wish you the best of luck x

Me too

Im so sorry you're going through this, I've gone through similar recently myself. It's devastating, especially when it's someone who you would never expect this from, and I know that in my case anyway the only person I wanted comfort from was the person who had hurt me so badly. I don't know what advice to offer, as everyone is different and in your case kids are involved. I ended things immediately, I couldn't take the disloyalty and know that if I had remained in the relationship it would have been the only thing on my mind every waking hour. I guess it depends on how much you're willing to forgive. If you can forgive and start to get over this then I guess it's in your hands now. What I will say is that, if you do decide to give it another chance the you have to learn to trust again and not bring this into every argument, which will be hard to do. If you can't get past it then I don't think there is any point in putting yourself through any more trauma as it will inevitably end badly and you'll only be wasting time trying dragging out a relationship when you could spend that time healing. Whatever you decide to.do I wish you the best

"Some of these comments are quite inflammatory. I suggest you slow it all down and try and explore it all with him step by step. See if you can get some relationship counselling to help you do this. If you decide to split, they might help meditate some of the difficulties. And you might decide to try to work through it. I wish you the best of luck x"

Bloke alert 🚨

No, you were being unbelievably rude to a woman whose just found out something horrific about her husband.

No different than a prostitute really is it. Cheater and its disgusting and poor you and poor your children. As the saying goes, the best way to love your children is to live their mother and I guess your partner is a POS. I'm so SO sorry luv. "So many other men.." is no excuse for YOURS to do it and it is cheating.

Is this meant to be funny? Is this woman’s devastating discovery funny to you? God, MN really is the pits sometimes.

Remember they only admit to what they think they'll get away with. FFS if he's lonely he can go out with his friends or the pub, being lonely isn't an excuse to pay for sexual services!