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Original poster

Just found out partner of 10 years pays for hand jobs

267 replies

Havanawinter · 15/07/2023 18:42

I was sending myself some pics on my partners WhatsApp and saw a random message thread, so yes I clicked. Turns out it’s for a Thai massage lady called Mimi who offers “B2B” which google tells me is basically a happy ending. I’m in total shock. I have confronted him and he admitted it. Said he has only been once but had another one booked in for a few weeks time.

He’s putting the kids to bed and I’m sat in the bedroom in absolute shock. I thought we were happy. We have 2 kids aged 5 and 2. We were discussing trying for a third. I’ve just started a new job. We’re not married, please don’t flame me for this, I can’t take it right now.

What do I do? I need a hand hold. And a hug. I can’t believe this has happened to me. I never thought I’d be here.

OP posts:
MistyFrequencies · 15/07/2023 20:45

UndercoverCop · 15/07/2023 18:53

If you're lonely you talk to your partner, go out with a friend, get a hobby or a dog. You don't purchase sexual services.

This.
Hes cheatee on you. And likely exploited a woman with limited options in order to do it. And spent money you dont have.
Fuck that.
I would 100% leave. How do you ever trust him again?
Also mum to autistic child who i also bedshare with 90% of time. No fucking way would i take that as an excuse- ypu are minding HIS child by doing that, he should be thanking you for it not having some poor possibly trafficked woman wank him off.

ThePoetsWife · 15/07/2023 20:46

For £130 no way it was just a hand job.

BalletBob · 15/07/2023 20:48

adriftabroad · 15/07/2023 20:13

I am NOT being a "dick". I am telling the truth. End.

Show quote history

“End”? 🤣

You absolutely were a dick. You were unnecessarily abrasive to someone who is clearly in emotional turmoil, and then weirdly accused her of "insulting posters" which she just hasn't done.

xogossipgirlxo · 15/07/2023 20:49

ThePoetsWife · 15/07/2023 20:46

For £130 no way it was just a hand job.

Especially that "Mimi" asked "it's £130, you sure?". He's lying. What a dick. I'm so sorry OP. It's horrible 😥I hope you can work it out somehow and be better off without him.

Suzi89 · 15/07/2023 20:49

JohnOgloat · 15/07/2023 20:42

You're not so stop being so judgey.

MN commenters never cease to amaze me, perfectly fine it seems for single women to be engaged in shagging married men for a bit of fun with no commitment, but God forbid, any married man strays. 🙄

Show quote history

I’ve never seen any comment like this on MN. I’m pretty sure if a woman started a thread saying she was shagging a married man she’d be ripped to shreds.

MinimalistMe · 15/07/2023 20:50

Not sure if somebody else has posted this, but a B2B in massage is a body to body massage. The therapist will be naked, so will he, and copious amounts of oil is used as the therapist will basically massage him with her body by sliding all over him.
And you can imagine what usually happens next.

JenWillsiam · 15/07/2023 20:51

JohnOgloat · 15/07/2023 20:42

You're not so stop being so judgey.

MN commenters never cease to amaze me, perfectly fine it seems for single women to be engaged in shagging married men for a bit of fun with no commitment, but God forbid, any married man strays. 🙄

Show quote history

What?!

Blueskies13 · 15/07/2023 20:52

In your situation I don’t think I could forgive. He has put your sexual health at risk as well as his own. I believe there is probably a huge amount of men particularly getting extras in this country. Wether that be paid or affairs. Yes it’s tough with a child with extra needs but every time he is late what are you going to be thinking. I think you deserve more. He probably hasn’t told you the whole story either. You are in shock right now, I would suggest taking some time and space to consider everything.

Mari9999 · 15/07/2023 20:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Mumtothreegirlies · 15/07/2023 21:01

Stop with the apologising for not being married and stop apologising for having to sleep in the bed with your son.
there is NO excuse for what he’s done.

adriftabroad · 15/07/2023 21:01

The number of people who waste years "getting evidence" screenshots" etc is ridiculous.

She needs to sort out him leaving. ASAP. They are not married

This, is the truth. These are the facts.

Of course she cannot stay with someone like this. Of course she cannot have more DCs.

These are facts. Sadly, an unmarried woman is put in this is this situation. I am not being a dick. She needs to act.

I am, of course, very sorry. This does not change anything. Or make me a dick.

TheBig4O · 15/07/2023 21:02

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Top class victim blaming there.

Nowdontmakeamess · 15/07/2023 21:02

JohnOgloat · 15/07/2023 20:42

You're not so stop being so judgey.

MN commenters never cease to amaze me, perfectly fine it seems for single women to be engaged in shagging married men for a bit of fun with no commitment, but God forbid, any married man strays. 🙄

Show quote history

There’s a huge difference between 2 married people having an affair versus a trafficked women being sexually abused/raped.

Mumtothreegirlies · 15/07/2023 21:03

MinimalistMe · 15/07/2023 20:50

Not sure if somebody else has posted this, but a B2B in massage is a body to body massage. The therapist will be naked, so will he, and copious amounts of oil is used as the therapist will basically massage him with her body by sliding all over him.
And you can imagine what usually happens next.

What are you trying to achieve by telling OP this?? You don’t know if she’s on the edge. Nasty nasty nasty.

NeedToChangeName · 15/07/2023 21:03

UndercoverCop · 15/07/2023 18:51

What does this behaviour tell you about his beliefs regarding women? He thinks sexual consent is something you can purchase without consequence, that women can be sexually exploited and and that it's fine to lie to and deceive your partner, whilst utilising family funds for your own sexual gratification.
That's not a person I'd want to be in a relationship with

@UndercoverCop yes I agree. This would be a deal breaker for me

And the chances of being caught after the very first occasion? I'd say very slim

Clymene · 15/07/2023 21:04

What a fucking fucking shit he is. You're struggling with two kids, one with additional needs and he is literally spunking £130 on a wank.

He's scum.

Clymene · 15/07/2023 21:06

@Mumtothreegirlies - because if he's fucking a prostitute then the OP needs to know. And I guess £130 sounds more like a fuck than a wank.

Awolfinahat · 15/07/2023 21:08

Hi, I am a man married to a women. We have two SEN kids, one of who is autistic. It has been very very hard at times, really straining our relationship. We haven't slept in the same bed for a decade. I have not always behaved well at all but I can say it has never even occured to me to look elsewhere in any shape or form, and now things are a lot better as it happens r. I think the fact that he did it once would be enough but he didn't then feel terrible etc, he tried to do it again (assuming you have the full picture). I am very sorry and appreciate that it will be very complicated, but I really struggle to think how one can move beyond that or trust him. Perhaps he isn't the person that you believed him to be but the genie is out of the bottle now

DogFord · 15/07/2023 21:08

Mumtothreegirlies · 15/07/2023 21:03

What are you trying to achieve by telling OP this?? You don’t know if she’s on the edge. Nasty nasty nasty.

Show quote history

How is that “nasty”?! The OPs partner is already lying about what he has been paying for, is it nasty for OP to know the truth ?

Crikeyalmighty · 15/07/2023 21:09

OP- I don't think you need to know the absolute specifics and quite why people seem to delight in giving them I really don't know given that you probably feel like shit as it is

He is a sleazy shit and this certainly is more than once looking at the message, enough for him to expect him to know his name.

His excuse is pitiful- he enjoys it and thought he wouldn't get caught that's all there is to it

You sound an amazing mum and to be frank he's a total twat. The ball is in your court though but I'm not sure I would ever trust him again

OSunt2123 · 15/07/2023 21:09

Havanawinter · 15/07/2023 18:48

He said he was lonely. Which I do get, I feel lonely too. Long story short our eldest is autistic and unable to sleep alone so I’ve slept in the bed with him every night since he was about 2. It’s not ideal at all and not what I imagined before I became a parent. But it’s our circumstances. We still have fairly regular sex (in spare room, living room, etc) and he truly is my partner and best friend. He never said he was unhappy or lonely. But he obviously was. Sorry I’m not making much sense right now!

Bullshit
When your lonely, what's a hand job gonna do? Excuses!! I'm so sorry what a dick xx

JustMe829 · 15/07/2023 21:09

I’m so sorry. What a piece of shit he is.

Get rid of him. You don’t need an untrustworthy piece of filth like that in your or your kids’ lives. He’s playing at being a single bloke. Get him the fuck away from you. He’s dirty in mind and body.

Mumtothreegirlies · 15/07/2023 21:12

Clymene · 15/07/2023 21:06

@Mumtothreegirlies - because if he's fucking a prostitute then the OP needs to know. And I guess £130 sounds more like a fuck than a wank.

I’m sure she knows that. But you don’t need to rub salt in the wound and make it graphic.

hot2trotter · 15/07/2023 21:12

First off, B2B is more than a hand job - also pretty sure no man could last a full 60 minute appointment if it was "just" a hand job.

The fact you are carrying on as normal speaks volumes. He would be out of the door by now if he was mine. You're obviously going to stay with him, but you'll never trust him again and you'll be utterly miserable.

I beg you to ditch the dirty, cheating liar. And make sure everybody knows why!!

Smoothiecarton · 15/07/2023 21:14

There’s one of these places near my work.
man after man after ‘lonely’ man every minute of the day.

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