Just found out partner of 10 years pays for hand jobs

[Havanawinter]

I was sending myself some pics on my partners WhatsApp and saw a random message thread, so yes I clicked. Turns out it’s for a Thai massage lady called Mimi who offers “B2B” which google tells me is basically a happy ending. I’m in total shock. I have confronted him and he admitted it. Said he has only been once but had another one booked in for a few weeks time.

He’s putting the kids to bed and I’m sat in the bedroom in absolute shock. I thought we were happy. We have 2 kids aged 5 and 2. We were discussing trying for a third. I’ve just started a new job. We’re not married, please don’t flame me for this, I can’t take it right now.

What do I do? I need a hand hold. And a hug. I can’t believe this has happened to me. I never thought I’d be here.

This ^

In all honesty your head must be reeling. For now I'd think practically.You are about to start a new job, is he your childcare? If not how does that work? I'd get some childcare in place. Do you rent or own, are you on the tennacu agreement or on the mortgage? You sleep in separate rooms anyway and I'd continue that, arrange an STD check. Speak to someone about it, your mum, a sister, a friend, someone you know who will listen rather than judge, someone who will let you unscramble your thoughts and come to your own conclusion.

To end with do not blame yourself. Your sleeping with your 5 year old is not the cause of this. You said you feel lonely sometimes yourself yet you haven't rsoeted to doing anything similar. Ask yourself why you wouldn't be has has. Best of luck op.

Saying it was because he was lonely makes it even worse - hinting that it’s partly your fault and having the audacity to look for sympathy. Scumbag.

I am so sorry you went through that.

I'm so sorry, OP. I hope that you're doing OK after this terrible shock.

What he did is worse than cheating through an affair.

What a time to be alive 😟

Absolutely. I am fully supportive of women who stay after affairs if the man is remorseful and showing growth.

But the kind of man who engages sex workers who could be underage, coerced, vulnerable, and who believe you can buy consent for money just turns my stomach. I couldn’t come back from this. The ick would be too strong.

@Havanawinter I hope you’re managing today. I can only imagine the shock you’re in. 💐

@Mumtothreegirlies I think this is more insensitive than @MinimalistMe post …

I spent my single twenties paying for outcall hand jobs and even I think you should leave the guy!

Pricing wise, it's all relative. I had a thing for older women (what counted as older back then) and would drop anywhere from 400-750ish for a massage and hand relief. I was going 'high end' though - not trafficked unless it was from places Wales or Birmingham and no junkies - although I am sure I funded a few party lifestyles which included coke and mdma. £130 does seem cheap, but if he's hitting low rent places then maybe not?

I only ever wanted hand jobs, never had anything else and wasn't offered but again probably because they knew what I was after. They were naked though.

Regardless, he should have stopped it all as soon as he met you. He knows it, you know it - you know what you need to do. I cut it off the minute I became in a relationship, he had the ability to but chose not to regardless of what he says.

This is worse than cheating.
he thinks he can buy sexual consent. He is participating in an industry known for sex trafficking and taking money from the household coffers to do so

op, I don’t envy you the days and months ahead. Whatever comes, remember that you are better than this and your children deserve better than this. You can raise them to be upstanding people. It will be easier if you are not weighed down by this man being in your home every day. He may sadly always be in their lives, but you can make sure they have a solid home life to be their anchor.

Dear God, I'm so thankful I don't have a man in my life, Apart from my beautiful children and my lovely cats. I can enjoy my childrens and my own life without some creep dragging me down

Same here except for no children or pets.

Paying for a wank? Did their hands fall off?🙄

@Emz6103

Comments like this aren't helpful.

It's not a binary choice between being single or having a partner who uses sex workers.

All you're doing is smugly normalising what he's done 'cos men 🙄. Women shouldn't believe that this is what they have to put up with in order to have a relationship with a man.

Jesus wept. What was the point in that comment?

The point was obvious.

Our Lord Jesus would indeed weep at someone so stupid they would pay to be masturbated.

It wasn’t obvious. How on earth does the help the Op? Or anyone in a similar situation.

The only obvious point was an opportunity for you to be smug?

Good lord! I've lived alone for the past 19 years since my divorce. I'm 59 and work a 65-70 hour week job in a highly stressful profession. I get home on a Friday evening and can often not see or speak to another soul until I get back into work on Monday morning...I am SO FUCKING LONELY it is a physical ache!

But here's the thing...never once, in all my life, have I ever thought about stopping off for a quick 'happy ending massage' on my way home from work. Not once. Ever. It's a man thing...a dirty, sad, porn inspired, grim as fuck man thing 🤢

Get rid! He's done it more than once and will do it again...and it won't have been just a quick wank-off either! 🤮

B2B isn't a hand job. It means she is naked for the massage and then they perform oral on each other. Thats why its £130. Sorry OP. Dirty fucker.

And it is so fuckjng common.

It is obvious that OP is with a fuckwit who pays for something he can do with his own right (or left ) hand.

Aside from that if/when he is in the mood he should be approaching OP for sex; if she is not he should DIY without paying someone like a fucking idiot.

I will not argue with you because you are obviously too stupid.

You are either a sleazy male or a trollop.🙄

You are quite angry.

The comment I asked ‘what was the point in that’ had nothing to do with any of that. At what point did I say he should go to a sex worker?

I asked what was the point of coming a bragging about not being in the same position of the op. How is that helpful to the Op?

and why have you taken such offence at me asking someone else?

Angry?

You could not be more wrong; my emotional state at the moment is content

You are full of 💩

Not sure I would term disassociating with 50% of the population a brag. Each to their own, I am happily married and have been for a long time, with no cheating and certainly no paid for services. That works for me, maybe being single works for her? The issue here is he has trashed the relationship by doing what he did, which shows how little value he places on it.my relationship is far far more valuable than some quick gratification.

As for paying for something you can do yourself, that's an accurate albeit narrow view. I enjoyed it far more than doing it to myself.

I am 20 years out of date and had very specific tastes, but even so £130 seems cheap even for a massage and HJ. Surely wouldn't have got more? Not saying he didn't want more.

If you need to come and tell someone who is Distressed how you life if better and throw around misogynistic insults, you aren’t content.

it’s not me that’s full of shit. 😂