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Original poster

Just found out partner of 10 years pays for hand jobs

267 replies

Havanawinter · 15/07/2023 18:42

I was sending myself some pics on my partners WhatsApp and saw a random message thread, so yes I clicked. Turns out it’s for a Thai massage lady called Mimi who offers “B2B” which google tells me is basically a happy ending. I’m in total shock. I have confronted him and he admitted it. Said he has only been once but had another one booked in for a few weeks time.

He’s putting the kids to bed and I’m sat in the bedroom in absolute shock. I thought we were happy. We have 2 kids aged 5 and 2. We were discussing trying for a third. I’ve just started a new job. We’re not married, please don’t flame me for this, I can’t take it right now.

What do I do? I need a hand hold. And a hug. I can’t believe this has happened to me. I never thought I’d be here.

OP posts:
WellThisWentWell · 15/07/2023 18:55

Chowtime · 15/07/2023 18:47

Apparently, a huge proportion of men in this country are stopping off on their way home from work for a quick cheap hand job or blow job.

Traffickers can't get enough women in quickly enough to satisfy demand.

Well, that’s a sad thing to learn.
Christ!

Dogsitterwoes · 15/07/2023 18:56

£130 would buy quite a few handjobs, sorry but he's not being honest with you. They don't cure loneliness either.

God, how fucking grim of him, you must be devestated.

Please get an STI test just for peace of mind.

NotAllPets · 15/07/2023 18:58

Havanawinter · 15/07/2023 18:48

He said he was lonely. Which I do get, I feel lonely too. Long story short our eldest is autistic and unable to sleep alone so I’ve slept in the bed with him every night since he was about 2. It’s not ideal at all and not what I imagined before I became a parent. But it’s our circumstances. We still have fairly regular sex (in spare room, living room, etc) and he truly is my partner and best friend. He never said he was unhappy or lonely. But he obviously was. Sorry I’m not making much sense right now!

Due to ongoing health issues I haven’t been able to have sex with my husband for three years. He isn’t getting sly handjobs on the side. You sleeping in another bed is not a fucking excuse.

VivaVivaa · 15/07/2023 18:58

He’s not married you despite having kids with you and no doubt benefited from the fact you have worked part time, putting yourself at financial risk. He’s also paying for sexual services from women likely forced into it. He seems to have a pretty low view of women in general really.

adriftabroad · 15/07/2023 18:59

If this is what he is doing now. Good luck in your 40s.

Not a life partner and why you are not married I suppose.

PowerBMI · 15/07/2023 19:00

The chances of you catching him the first time he has done this are slim to non.

I believe many men exploit vulnerable women for sex in exchange for money. However, I don’t believe a man goes from entirely faithful to his partner and respectful of women to sexual exploitation in one step.

He isn’t respectful of women, which means he isn’t respectful of you. He chose to do this, again showing he doesn’t respect you. He has likely to have at least tried to cheat on you before. He has at least been looking at women and the possibility of using a woman who was trafficked for a while.

A person who has to be careful with money doesn’t just drop £130 on something as a spur of the moment impulsive wank.

And it’s not cause he is lonely. How does a hand job from a woman who is forced to give it, make him feel less lonely?

He is admitting the very least he can get away with and you will, likely, never know the truth.

Hoppinggreen · 15/07/2023 19:00

UndercoverCop · 15/07/2023 18:51

Also for £130 he's getting more than a handjob

I’m no expert but that’s a bloody expensive handjob.
Plus I am not sure that prostitutes help to alleviate “loneliness”

Robotik · 15/07/2023 19:01

I don’t think it’s common, but that’s not the point. I’d insist on using his phone and pretending to be him and messaging the woman, I know that’s stupid advice but I know for a fact it’s what I’d do. I’d want details because that’s a lot of money for a small service.. I’m sorry this has happened to you

LaviniasBigBloomers · 15/07/2023 19:04

It's so, so common. I know of a stag do in the stags own home city where two of them just popped off for a hand job, it was basically the equivalent of missing a round, they were back 15 minutes later. Disgusting fuckers, I'm related to one of them and can't even look at him now.

And I agree, they didn't pay 130 quid for it!

Your partner uses sex workers. It's not because he is lonely or any of that other BS, it's because he can. I'm so, so sorry this has happened to you - you need an STI check as soon as you possibly can, then you need to kick him to the kerb.

Im99912 · 15/07/2023 19:04

if he really paid 130 for a hand job
he’s being ripped off 😂

GreyCarpet · 15/07/2023 19:04

Yeah, I'd also suspect he's getting a lot more for £130.

I'm reminded of a thread earlier this week where a woman expressed concern about her partner getting a massage from a woman and she was lambasted for it. Some women have no idea.

I am friendly with a Thai masseuse. She said it's really common to he asked for a happy ending. She doesn't do them. She's legit! But she gets asked. A lot...

CovertImage · 15/07/2023 19:05

Robotik · 15/07/2023 19:01

I don’t think it’s common, but that’s not the point. I’d insist on using his phone and pretending to be him and messaging the woman, I know that’s stupid advice but I know for a fact it’s what I’d do. I’d want details because that’s a lot of money for a small service.. I’m sorry this has happened to you

Well according to someone upthread it's a "huge proportion" of men. They haven't provided any citations of course but it's not needed on MN when you're bandying wild claims about

breathequietly · 15/07/2023 19:06

Name changed because this is outing. I recently found out DH was doing the same thing a few years ago. If I'd known at the time I'd have left him. It's complicated now because he hasn't done it for a long time/things have changed etc. I still have the ick when I think about it though

I'd also be suspicious about the price of that though!

BalletBob · 15/07/2023 19:07

Isn’t it such a massive coincidence that these bottom feeders are always caught the very first time they seek the services of a prostitute. Really crazy.

For so many reasons this would be the end of my marriage. The exploitation of a potentially extremely vulnerable (maybe coerced, maybe forced) woman, the lack of meaningful consent which means this was actually quite possibly a sexual assault, the dishonesty, the lack of regard for my health and well-being, the betrayal of myself and my children, the disrespect for our entire family life, the misappropriation of family money, the complete lack of any sticking power or loyalty just because we’re in the “young kids” phase. I’d never look at him the same again. It’d be like having an intruder in my home.

Original poster
Havanawinter · 15/07/2023 19:08

Ok so I have some more info. He says last time it was only £50 and he stayed for half an hour. He says he didn’t ask why it was £130 this time (and I’ve seen all the messages) so I believe that to be true at least. I’m tempted to post my screenshots because fuck him.

OP posts:
FedUpWithBriiiiick · 15/07/2023 19:08

UndercoverCop · 15/07/2023 18:51

What does this behaviour tell you about his beliefs regarding women? He thinks sexual consent is something you can purchase without consequence, that women can be sexually exploited and and that it's fine to lie to and deceive your partner, whilst utilising family funds for your own sexual gratification.
That's not a person I'd want to be in a relationship with

This.

madeinmanc · 15/07/2023 19:09

"Just once" seems very unlikely to say the least.

PowerBMI · 15/07/2023 19:09

Havanawinter · 15/07/2023 19:08

Ok so I have some more info. He says last time it was only £50 and he stayed for half an hour. He says he didn’t ask why it was £130 this time (and I’ve seen all the messages) so I believe that to be true at least. I’m tempted to post my screenshots because fuck him.

It was costing him 3 times as much this time and he didn’t ask why?

So he was just willing to pay whatever this woman asked for?

and you believe that?

adriftabroad · 15/07/2023 19:10

FGS how old are you?

OhcantthInkofaname · 15/07/2023 19:12

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Havanawinter · 15/07/2023 19:13

My child isn’t uncontrollable. He’s autistic. He’s smart, kind, funny, affectionate and scared of sleeping alone. He’s 5. You’re horrid.

OP posts:
CrotchetyQuaver · 15/07/2023 19:13

Bugger "lonely" what a load of rubbish. I'd be absolutely disgusted with my DH if I found out he was doing this.

Farmageddon · 15/07/2023 19:14

I'm sorry OP but you are not getting the full truth from him. He seemingly just didn't ask that the price had gone up more than double? He obviously booked something more and doesn't want to tell you.
You may never get the truth from him, but you cannot trust what he says - he will lie, deny and minimise to save himself. What a scumbag.

ItsADoggieDogWorld · 15/07/2023 19:15

They ALWAYS say it's the first time.

adriftabroad · 15/07/2023 19:16

He shagged her.
You are not married.
You will get minimum CMS.

That is about the size of it.

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