Found DH holding hands with another woman on holiday

[Bobbylives]

On a family holding with kids (aged 20 & 16) i was poorly with vomiting and sickness. Dh got friendly with another couple who turned out to not be a couple, just work colleagues. When i started to feel better my gut felt off about this other woman in the couple. Night before we flew home dd got ill so i took her back to her room. Dh stayed out with ds (20). At 2am i woke up and he still wasn't back. Texted ds but ds was in bed. My gut felt off so i got dressed and went out looking for him. He was sat in a bar with a group. I stayed and watched for a while. When others in the group left, dh was there with just this other woman. She got up and pecked him on the mouth. I carried on watching from outside. They sat there talking and he was holding her hand. I stayed to see what else might happen but then others in the group came back so i thought that nothing else was likely now they had company. I went in, told dh that dd was really unwell and he needed to come back.

He is very remorseful, says he felt sorry for her as she was telling him bad things that had happened to her. Knows he crossed a line, is remorseful but also minimising it as he doesn't feel he's cheated. I know it's not much in the greater scheme of things, but it's made me not trust him. Like how was it so easy for him to do that in a couple of days whilst i was ill with some random whilst on a family holiday? What are the chances this is first indiscretion and i just so happened to uncover it? We've been together for 22 years. I would never in a million years think he'd do something like this. I feel like i don't even know who he is and not sure if i can reconcile it in my head. Doesn't seem like something to end a marriage over, but equally, will i ever feel 100% like i can trust him again?

What an utter bastard.
You and your children deserve so much better.

Op, he's so disgusting.

He's a predator, always was, always will be.

This admission with the condoms indicate he's escalating to having emotional affairs not just physical ones. I should imagine before he just dumped women if they got too clingy, you finding evidence now shows he's dropping his guard, purposefully I should imagine.

I don't wish to upset you further op but men like this are devious and you don't find clues unless they have a motive, he sounds like he wants you to end the relationship, at the moment.
The thing is these middle aged men that decide they want a younger model usually ruin their marriages and then a year or so after regret it intensely.

His reputation and his family man image is currently being destroyed, he will live to regret that, I,m sure.

I hope you and the children are looking after one another, it's awful finding out the person you thought you knew so well is fake.

So sorry, but thanks for the update. I guess the only silver lining is that now you know 100%, so you can make plans to leave. Definitely play on his guilt because it won't last, so get as much as you can done whilst he's in this stage.

Wishing that 2024 is a better year for you. 🙏🏽💐

@TheoTheopolis23 Yes, absolutely!
This callous lack of concern and compassion for you, his wife and even his own daughter when you are sick is what's clanging alarm bells in my head OP!
Even if nothing else has gone on that what you saw, even if they were just being daft, soppy drunks and there was no bad intentions on either of their parts, your husband's lack of concern for you and HIS child is more than enough to lead me to think he's not a good-enough husband nor father! That sort of callousness in a spouse is a big red flag IMO! Even worse in a parent!
I'm so sorry OP! I hope your poor daughter is recovering?

So sorry OP. I think you should probably get STD tests too if you have been having sex with him.

Get legal advice and leave this wanker behind. 💐

Hi OP, I hope you’re ok. My ex husband (of 17 years ago) had a sleazy three month affair behind my back and I found out New Year’s Eve after going through his phone. I remember feeling like my insides had been pulled out. I just wanted to say to you that even if it doesn’t feel like it now, you can rebuild your life and find someone better. In my experience, although devastating at the time, he did me a massive favour in the long run because I found a truly wonderful man two years later and after 15 years together, my life is so much better than it would have been if I’d stayed with that idiot. Keep your chin up. Better times are coming.

I'm so sorry OP. I found out my STBXH had been cheating earlier this year, it's the most horrible, painful thing I've ever been through.
You are sort of trapped in a way but you're right to bide your time and get all the support and information you need before separation and divorce, but can you get him to move out? My STBXH thought he had me well and truly trapped and I only really caught him because he was so complaisant and lax, he thought I'd just put up with anything it seemed! Well he was wrong, I made him leave, it's my house and I didn't let him move back in when he tried to hoover me. It's been really difficult and painful but I'm feeling better now after 6 months. I read somewhere that one of the best feelings is loosing attachment for someone you KNOW is no good for you and I have to say, it's so true!
Get legal advise, you have to ensure the financial security of yourself and your daughter but if he would move out, it'd be much better for you emotionally! I find the longer I go without having to interact with my STBXH , the better I feel!
Also, I think your H has been controlling to the point of emotional abuse with you; check out the book "How He Gets Into Her Head" by Dan Hennessy. You can read the first few pages about how controlling men target a woman for long term relationship on Cork University Press. I have just read it today, and it resonated. Like you, I'm empathic and kind, so I think it'll resonate with you too OP! All the best to you, keep us updated if you need to!

Horrid. Sorry OP.
Your intuition is working well, you felt there was more too it in your heart and you were right. Trust those senses now, they will guide you through.

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