Why do some women like older men?

[Nightpain]

As a man in his 40s struggling with self-esteem at the moment, could anyone explain why some women seem to like older men? I cant understand the attraction.

Why might someone like a man in his 40s over a man in his 20s or 30s? I dont get it

When I was dating in my 40s, no men in their 40s were interested. Only men in their 50s and 60s. I'm not sure this is a woman thing necessarily as much as it is a man thing!

It depends on the man. I generally find men a bit younger or around my own age attractive, physically. I'm 35 and I rarely find myself attracted to men late 40s and over. I can see that some women like that and the sense of maturity and security they bring. But I don't always think maturity is related to age. My DH is a few years younger than me and is a mature, hard working family man type and been that way since we met in his early 20s. I've also dated men ten years older and found them to be idiots.

Maturity and financial security generally. Though I have known a few women from school who ended up with much older men who don't work or do anything really. Those relationships confused me most.

dustbin is going to be a dustbin even with money, so im not sure if this theory checks out

dustbin is going to be a dustbin even with money, so im not sure if this theory checks out

What do you mean? I thought it was used by a pp as an example of a lower paid occupation.

I was thinking it was a wierd comment made by @PaintedEgg .

I thought you meant dustbin in reference to age alone (ie "old as dust") :)

in any case, I dont think most middle aged men (or women for that matter) who have younger partners are that well-off.

I clearly said dustbin man... anyway.

I still stand by what I said

i know, sorry - i had a bad case of brain fog

but seriously, most middle aged people are not rich - they may be more "settled" but its not high hefner level of money

@Nightpain

I will try to be kind.

Do you wish your wife was younger now so she could give you this insight you now seek? Anyone happy in their relationship wouldn't be needing validation or understanding of what anyone outside of that relationship would find attractive unless you are planning to leave. In fact, that Q is asked by most people weighing up that choice: to leave or to stay as none new might find them attractive. Also it explains why any insight from current partner would not be of value in those circumstances.

You have said you are depressed- not clear what you really mean- but boy do you need professional help with this.

I am 30 and have always been attracted to older men.

In my experience and opinion, older men are more enjoyable to chat to - they ask me questions, and show interest. Younger men/men my age seem to witter on about themselves or not have any conversation skills. I appreciate this isn’t always the case.

Older men are more confident - they plan the dates and take the lead. Younger men will ask ‘so what do you fancy doing for our first date?’ Ick.

I am confident, assertive and have strong boundaries. Older men have always appeared to be more attracted to this in me than younger men/men my age.

Older men are more established. I was established from an early age (homeowner etc). I find this attractive. I never wanted to date someone still living with their mum or ‘finding themselves’.

Finally I genuinely find older men more attractive physically. They tend to dress smarter, better quality clothing, not in tracksuit bottoms (as an example). I like the laughter lines, slightly worn look and the silver coming through in the beard. I like the

Again - all my experiences and opinions only. I would date upto 43/44.

This is a male perspective. I became single in middle age. I was happy single, briefly tried OLD (age appropriate) and found it horrific. I then avoided that and set about enjoying single life happy I was out of relationships.

I think a couple of things happen.

There are young women who want a Father figure in their lives. They will gravitate to older men who are not creepy, but it is safety rather than sexual interest. As men, I do not think we realise how many of our friends and colleagues are very creepy around young women.

There are also a minority of young women, perhaps 10%, who positively prefer middle aged men to young men. For there women, they are still likely to want a single man who has a high income ("has his shit together" as MN euphemistically put it), is fairly good looking, easy to relate to and not-creepy. The funny thing here is that the odds are not in the woman's favour. I was positively chased by my now wife who is very pretty, was 26 and I was in my forties.

I cannot argue is @Farmageddon, there might well be women who look to be taken care of. Certainly for those who want platonic relationships. For those whose interest, like @GidgetGirl, whose interest is in an intimate relationship, it did not seem like that to me. If they have something in common, it is an affection for their very old Dad.

Again, this is just my personal experience and many will know better than me.

I’m 31 and I wouldn’t see a man in his 40s as being too old for me, personally. I’m the youngest in my department and I don’t notice the age difference between myself and the two colleagues I’m closest to who are 10-15 years older. We’re all millennials after all so had similar experiences growing up, I’m just a younger millennial than them but same generation.

It’s about the individual. Youth alone doesn’t make you attractive. For example the movie Zombieland. Woody Harrelson (47 at the time) is way hotter than Jesse Eisenberg (who was 25). I don’t know why people find this surprising?

Zombie post

I’ve never found older men attractive and now I’m over 50 even more so. In my OLD days I got lots of messages from men a decade or more older (the oldest was 79 when I was 54) - absolutely doesn’t appeal to me at all but each to their own.

Money

Oops, should pay attention in future.

Blame Sweden99 😆

Certainly when in my early 20s a number of my female friends dated 40+ aged men. I always got the impression they were more short to mid term flings that suited both parties at the time. My friends always insisted it was because they liked a more mature refined man to date rather then their partying and clubbing 20 something contemporaries. I'm sure the city breaks, fine dining and designer gifts had no bearing on their decision.

Sorry!

It usually comes down to cash , seniority in career, lifestyle and the confidence that often comes from those.

I've not noticed 20 and 30 somethings with looks and careers making a dash for 53 year old Paul the bin man -

Sorry if that sounds harsh but at 62 that's my experience.

But younger women who like older men shoot that out of the water. They'd be more likely to date me now than when I was in my 20s and essentially better in every way.

I know this is a zombie but I had to laugh at this. Those ‘younger women’ were children or not even born when you were in your 20s which is why they were unlikely to date you🙄 I don’t think this thread was posted in good faith.

Apologies in advance for feeding the zombie.

I worked with two women in the same office, in a profession. In their twenties, both married older, more established professionals for career advancement and to build equity in jointly held property.
In each case, after ten years, they divorced and took on a man in his twenties. They seemed to view relationships as essentially unequal and requiring a decade as a junior partner before taking charge longer term.

haha this made me laugh