Why do some women like older men?

[Nightpain]

As a man in his 40s struggling with self-esteem at the moment, could anyone explain why some women seem to like older men? I cant understand the attraction.

Why might someone like a man in his 40s over a man in his 20s or 30s? I dont get it

👏

😂

This is a bizarre thread. Why is there a random picture of a man?

I have far more in common with men older than me. I'm not attracted to them because they are older. I'd rather have someone my own age. But I have lots more in common with the older men I know.

Dh is 15 years older than me and my ex was 10 years older than me. Men my age are all immature, have young kids and wear trousers with no socks 🤣

What a weird thread. 😬🚩🚩🚩

I was with a man 13 years older that I starting at the age of 24. We were together 11 years. I was hopelessly in love with him until I wasn't. I was attracted to him initially because in my eyes he was a man. Not a 20 something year old boy. He was smart, well read, charming, funny, witty, caring, empathetic and mostly knew what he wanted to do with his life. He made me feel protected, safe. He was well respected in the community but I didn't know that until later on. However, I have to admit that the main reason I was attracted to him is because in my opinion, he was sexy as hell. 😂Sometimes it is just that simple.

Money. Status. Life experience. Has found every sensitive part and knows how to make the bells ring. Might die sooner, as suggested upthread.

Physically, the skin is different. Adolescence goes on until the mid-twenties at least, and all that time, men have 'boys' skin'. It's repulsive, sexually. Men's skin is different, in texture, taste, scent.

After 45, life has knocked some of the shit out of most of them. They're humbler, more tolerable than arrogant youths.

It's that younger women liking older men seems counter-intuitive (in our species at least).

Im thinking, 'I wish I had a hot young bod' or 'I used to look a lot more attractive than I do now', and Im thinking also, 'yeah but women didnt fancy me when I had those things, so how do I possibly feel attractive now?'

So I could work out, dress snappier. Its possible for me to have a better body in my 40s than I ever actually had in my 20s. But nothing can make me young again of course.

So how does a man my age feel attractive.

Women in their 40's offer no insight because they are just going with like for like. But women where there is a significant age gap, no that might offer some answers as to what a man in his 40s can feel attractive about.

Women in their 20s and 30s can obviously date men their own age. Those who actually seek men my age? Why do they do that? What are they finding attractive? - That they overlook younger men (and we all want to be younger dont we?) because they like something else?

There is intrinsic value in what is found attractive.

I could stick a neon green wig on and walk around with that on all day and say 'Im attractive! I look great' but it wouldnt be true, because no women say, 'Ooh I love a man in a green wig'

So to feel attractive one needs to know what women actually like, not what you might tell yourself they do.

When I ask myself the question - what is attractive about me, I cant fail to conclude that nothing is as attractive as it used to be.

But younger women who like older men shoot that out of the water. They'd be more likely to date me now than when I was in my 20s and essentially better in every way.

So I just want to know what it is they are seeing so I can feel a bit better about myself maybe, because I just dont get it personally and it's making me depressed. (Well actually Im depressed anyway and the inability to feel in any way attractive is just making it worse)

It's really not that

I could have written this exact post!

As someone who used to date men who were at least 12 years older in her 20s, I can tell you I found men my age a bit immature. That was the biggest reason, followed by the fact that they didn’t have enough money to support the sort of lifestyle I wanted- sorry I’m being brutally honest.
just seeing your post, I’ve asked 3 of my very young acquaintances who I know are dating. 2 here in London and 1 in NY. Their answers are life experience, money and stability. The 26 year old will never date below 40.

OP, why are you asking if you’re satisfied with your partner?

Sorry @Nightpain in my experience (I'm now 61 and female and a cynic) it's usually cash to do stuff , a better job and often a better financial position- all the younger women I know with considerably older guys are with comfortably off guys

Well Im not. I just feel like shit and Im trying to understand what anyone could possibly find attractive about me now I am no longer youthful.

Younger women dating men my age is nonsensical to me when I cant see how I could have any appeal. So I want to know what I can tell myself now I am this age. Cuz I cant tell myself it's my youthful good looks anymore

I don't know if a lot of women do purposefully seek older men without a reason ie they're more likely to be financially secure or whatever. Anecdotally out of the women I know who have older partners (and none of them have a wild age difference) it's because they fell in love with the person and the age was actually a negative but they decided on balance it was worth it. All of them were friends or knew the men before pursuing anything romantic.

Women in their 40's offer no insight because they are just going with like for like

What’s THAT supposed to mean? 😂

You think women in their 40s will just go out with any random as long as he’s also in their 40s? Or do you think 40+ women exercise some discernment just the same as anyone else?

You’re obviously suggesting that 40-something women can’t get younger men so just settle for 40-somethings as that’s what’s available to them. But even then, it’s just kind of same rules apply at any other age isn’t it? There are some broad characteristics that will see you well – being physically attractive, successful, intelligent, good personality, kind, funny, etc. And some other stuff that’s just a unique ‘click’ between two people – chemistry, interests, values, SOH, etc. Surely you know all this?

Younger women who like older men is kind of self-explanatory isn’t it – apply all of the above, then add a personal preference for a certain age group.

Asking specifically about 'younger' women hmm? Gross.

Intellect, manners, conversation, fun, maturity, experience, respect, beliefs. Looks often don't come into it as much as personality.

A perception that older men offer stability, security, are more emotionally ready and open to taking an active part in creating a family/family life or just being a partner.

Women also look at men's behaviours, how they look after their health, their relationships. What is important to them. How and what they spend their time on.

Yup this.
There is a wish that maybe men in their 40s are done playing the field (untrue often!)

Men in 20s are also often very un confident

I've always fancied men in their 40s! Way better than men in their 20s... couldn't think of anything worse than being with a 20 something.

(I'm 30)

@Nightpain i think you're overthinking it. I don't think anyone is going for older men because they are older - some men just are stay attractive well into their middle age so that women across various ages fancy them.

To put it bluntly - not every man in his 40s is attractive. To be brutally honest - most are not. Those who are were just as attractive if not more so when they were younger. It's not like some magic number where you turn hot.

My DH is 14 years older but that did not make him more or leas attractive. I didn't mind either way, and thats all there was to it

OP why don't you ask your partner what she sees in you if you want to know why someone would find you attractive? Why must you seek the validation of much younger women? Seems a strange post to me.

Im not sure if women do generally want a lot older men, it seems to be only a minority.There's 17 years between my husband (he's older) and most people my age thought it was too much. Luckily he doesnt see my age as a self-esteem boost for himself, otherwise I would have never got with him. I also think women maybe arent as focused on looks as they are emotional stability so will overlook better looking 20 or 30 year old men in favour of 40+ with maturity and security.

I’m 43. My partner is 57. I split with the father of my children 3 years prior and I genuinely wasn’t looking and there he was. My god how we laugh. We don’t have a huge amount in common, we like different music and food etc but we have fun. He’s bloody hilarious and I love spending time with him. It’s not his age I’m attracted to, or money (he doesn’t have any!), it’s him. Age is irrelevant.

This!

Lol exactly