Why do some women like older men?

[Nightpain]

As a man in his 40s struggling with self-esteem at the moment, could anyone explain why some women seem to like older men? I cant understand the attraction.

Why might someone like a man in his 40s over a man in his 20s or 30s? I dont get it

I think there's an element of this also, being a significantly younger woman in the relationship gives them a sort of capital that they wouldn't have in an equal aged relationship.
Also, they may feel they are less likely to be left for a younger model - because they are the younger model.

Hopefully you're a bit more mature in your attitude...that was the attraction for me back in the day.

Mature, decent sense of humour and tolerant of my own age group's outlook on life.

Daddy ishoos

I wouldn't worry. All the other men your age arent fighting off 20 year olds either.
Vanishingly few young women go for men your age 'in preference' to younger men. Some go for older men because they meet and fall for them despite their age. Others because they struggle to find a young one and older men are often very available to young women. Others still because the man is rich and what they're actually preferring is a rich man's life style over a younger man. Given the choice of a rich young man and a rich older man they'd pick the former.
You have a partner, you don't need to worry about who else you could get at your age surely?

Im not really sure why some younger women liking older men would be a confidence boost though op?

Because it depends on the individuals involved.
And you aren't looking to date anyone else.

I dunno, just seems a bit 'oh I should value myself because 40 year old men are obviously such a value commodity if young women find them sexy and want to date them' kinda thing.

But its all a matter of preference.

Self esteem has to come from within you too. Not how other people view you. Of course it can be a confidence boost to think others fund us attractive. But I dunno...this scenario just seems weird.

As if you're having a mid life crisis or something and thinking 'if I leave my partner I might get lots of young female attention'

I like older men for a few reasons.

• More mature
• I like the way older men look compared to younger men.

Well those are the main reasons.

Not sure why you're asking if you're happy with your partner. Seems off and attention seeking at best.

But, I'll bite. I've never ever been attracted to men my age or younger. Ideally 3 to 7 yrs older but have dated someone 15 yrs older than me. H is 5 years older than me. I think it's to do with maturity and I prefer the way men 40 plus look now. They also tend to be better groomed and have less body hang ups and are more realistic in what to expect from a partner and themselves.

And tbh if I was your partner and saw you suddenly start working out, changing your appearance and asking women why young women might like men your age...I'd absolutely think you were planning to either cheat or leave me.

I can only speak for my own (very shallow and immature!!) feelings but I genuinely thought I was soooo mature, liked the security (financial and otherwise) of having an older boyfriend, thought bits my age were dumb and not on my same level. Aaaad a severe case of daddy issues to boot.

I eventually settled down with someone a year younger than me.

Boys my age**

Possibly because alot of men in their 20's and 30's these days seem to be very immature. not all of them, but seems to be more common now, at least around here. Women on the other hand can't be arsed with dating childish men, so maybe thats it.
I don't think its about money, its more about perhaps women thinking do I want to go on a date with someone who'll get trashed and start joshing about with his mates and being stupid, or do I want to go on a date with an actual, well, man.

I'm generalising here before I'm jumped on. Not all men and not all women.

What has a generic reason for women liking middle aged men got to do with your self esteem when you already have a partner?

What does she think about her partner seeking reassurance and validation from other women?

Mate you need some serious help and it's got nothing to do with what women find attractive in men.

@TreesandFish

it very often is for men!

But you have a partner and say you are happy. So whats the actual point of your question?
Got a mate by any chance in his 40's who has just started dating a hot young thing or something? And wondering why you aren't?
Or just looking for tips on how to appear most attractive to them?

I’ve always gone for guys 10+ years older than me.
As a younger woman it was because I found men my own age deeply superficial, immature and boring.
I had been forced to grow up early in some ways as a younger woman just because of some unavoidable losses etc, so I connected better to men who had emotional maturity.
I don’t notice the age gap between me and DH and even now I’m 40, I prefer slightly older men from an attraction pov.

Younger women don't fancy middle aged men just because they are middle aged. It's the same reason anyone fancies anyone ; they are that person's type, and all the things that go with that type. Or they aren't an instant attraction but attraction grows as you get to know that person. I am attracted to tall slim men with a full head of hair and no beard.If I'm sitting in a cafe people watching that's the sort of man I would think " Hhmm nice" as he walked past.

To be honest I don't think there are THAT many young women who are into older men. I mean when I was in my 20s none of my friends wanted to go out with men in their 40s. In general women tend to go for men around their age or a few years older.
When it does happen maybe the woman gets a sense of security with an older man. Maybe he seems more mature than men her age. But often I think the age is irrelevant -it usually boils down to meeting someone you like and feel compatible with.
I'm married to younger man but I'm not "in to" younger men. I just happened to really click with DH and he happened to be younger. I would have liked him equally if he was 10 years older.

It's not about that at all. It's about my concept of myself. I didnt think I would have to explain that to a woman.

Or are you going to tell me that the multi-billion pound make-up and fashion industries are about women attracting men and not about women making themselves feel better?

My wife puts on make up, wears nice clothes etc. It's certainly not for me, she does it to make herself feel attractive.

I have a hard time accepting what could possibly be attractive about me. Some women clearly do like men my age. I want to see in myself what they clearly see about men like me

Im not trying to attract anyone, I just want to feel attractive.

Only you can truly make yourself feel attractive. It's about what you feel inside that matters, not the opinions of other people.

I am only attracted to older men. Always have been.

I don't have patience to deal with the moods and whims of a man-child or a man with baggage who doesn't understand how to function as an adult.

I found that younger men weren't in the same mental place as I was in terms of when I was ready to settle and enjoy a real partnership rather than a fun shag buddy or a boyfriend to cosy up with but not move towards anything long term.

Age, experience, intelligence and having his shit together are all aspects of an older man that I love.

I did not (i'm married to an older man now) ever put up with abuse or unhealthy personality traits or disorders like narcissism.

If he is older than me, I expect him to have overcome the big emotional baggage issues and to be someone I can respect as well as desire and fall in love with.

I met that man and married him. He did have a few minor emotional baggage issue that we worked through and I accepted but only because he wanted to overcome them and we were a true team healing and growing together.

That's not to say he is perfect. He still isn't doing enough housework and he annoys me sometimes but I have never regretted going after an older bloke and settling down. Our age gap is less than 10 years as well.

Because many young men are bloody immature and need a mummy rather than a partner.

Op, sorry if you are feeling a bit shit about yourself at the moment. We all have times like this. Maybe think about your health and fitness and work on that? Appreciate what you've got. There must be some good points? Focus on them .

You need to work on why you care. Self esteem comes from within. Why do you need external validation? Especially with a partner. Sometimes external validation from a stranger or person you don’t know well is just smoke being blown up your butt.

What makes you, you. What values and qualities do you have? Honesty, loyalty, reliability, integrity? Standing by your values and being comfy in your own skin.

Try the book written by Kamal Ravikant - love yourself like your life depends on it. It really helped me when I was in a terrible place, it was recommended on here I think! Read and digest and do the exercises. Do them every day without fail.

I always dated my age or younger in my 20s. I found older guys set in their ways and really dull. A man in his 40s who still has enthusiasm, not obsessed with sport, a sense of humour, is happy to say ‘yes I’m up for that’. Not ‘no it’s not my thing’. That 40 year old is young in my opinion! It’s about outlook and attitude not age.

Perhaps ask your wife what she finds attractive about you and seek help (of the professional sort) for your self esteem issues, OP. This is the kind of thing that go very wrong, left unchecked.

This, although children weren't part of the situation.

I had relationships with men in their mid to late thirties when I was early twenties. I chose to be with them because they were interesting, kind, witty, and most of all, they knew themselves well. And to be honest, I never really considered their age to be a factor.