Why do some women like older men?

[Nightpain]

As a man in his 40s struggling with self-esteem at the moment, could anyone explain why some women seem to like older men? I cant understand the attraction.

Why might someone like a man in his 40s over a man in his 20s or 30s? I dont get it

@BunnyBettChetwynd I think there are those factors that are not wholly related to appearance

Confidence is a big reason why people get more attractive with age.

Loving someone definitely makes them more attractive in our own eyes.

While it looks like OP hoped everyone would say is that older men are simply physically hotter and there is nothing more to it - if that was the case then I think the replies disappointed him

I'm sure he did.
He deliberately phrased the question as 'Why do women prefer older men?' to encourage those women who do to post in flattering terms, then had to jump through hoops to explain what he was actually asking. Had he used the more open 'Do women prefer older men?' he would have recieved a more balanced but less comforting range of responses.
He'd have done best with 'Do women find 40 year old men attractive?' Add a bit about his self esteem, miss off the reference to young women, and he'd have had pages of reassurance from the kind hearted of MN.

Haha so true, all of the above 😂😂

@5128gap agree...as it stands this thread has a very uncomfortable feel of someone asking what would be their odds of scoring with a 20-something woman

Unfathomably older then it's usually money, position, security. Not as likely to be looks post late 30s as men don't look after themselves as well at that age, when compared with women, in my experience.

Totally agree. It's very interesting to see that, even faced with the unsettling premise of the original post, posters have replied with a great range of interesting, thoughtful and helpful answers, none of which seem to have been considered or acknowledged by the OP.

...because their self esteem is very low and they think an older man may be kind enough to overlook, or at least not mention in a belittling manner, their (perceived) ugly appearance or skill in the bedroom...

i have a slight suspicion it ruffled few feathers (look at the newest post here) 😏

That is untrue. Well, perhaps some people but not something I've ever experienced.

I was a very attractive 20 something. I had lots of males my own age interested in me but they were far too immature for me. Although I do think there was some Daddy issues going on.

Now I think that older men who seek out younger women are creeps because (in my case anyway) the power imbalance was very real and despite me feeling more mature, I didn't have the life experience behind me to know who I was and stand up for myself.

Well... I met my DH when I was 22 and he was 36...
He wasnt/isnt rich or powerful and I don't have 'Daddy issues'.. have always had a wonderful relationship with my DF (who is still with my DM, 40 years together).

I just fell in love with my DH. Never imagined I'd fall for someone so much older. But I just did.
Still together 17 years on. Still very much love!
It can happen..

Thats great. There's always the odd one, which is why I said 'typically' to indicate mostly but not always the case.
I think the problem lies when men like the OP extrapolate from stories like yours that younger women in general prefer older men.To see this as a thing is problematic in several ways.
Firstly, men who believe this myth over inflate their value. This can lead to them undervaluing their same age partners and believing they're entitled to a younger one, because its a thing...right?
These are the men who go round making a nuisance of themselves to young women, paying them unwanted attention, often causing them upset and intimidation. Convinced their attentions are welcome, because its a thing....
These men are sometimes in power positions over the young woman, and I can tell you from experience being a young woman with a boss who thought young women love older men is far from ideal.
Obviously there are happy and successful age gap relationships. But they are not evidence of a general trend that men become irresistible to young women on their 40th birthday, which is what the OP and many other aging men seem to want to believe.

As soon as I got to my late teens I could not stand childish boys my age. I also new I could never have children. That broke two relationships. Been married to my husband 30 years he is 20 years my senior.

Yep, if you're choosing a life partner their looks and other physical qualities are the only things that matter. Who knows, you might not need to talk to them for the next thirty years.😱

I totally disagree.

My friend is with an older man. Her confidence and self esteem are relatively high and she wants a confident man too!

Been through similar experience (divorce early 40s), and it's a mixed bag as always. I entered the dating game thinking it was going to be futile. But I was tall, good head of hair, relatively handsome with a good career/lifestyle, well put together, confident, an assured talker and presented as kind. I never knew most of that until I realised I was making an impression on a wide variety of dates. It was a relief.

I dated for about three years in total. A lot of first dates, some one nighters (not my fav), and then anything from 2-5 dates to couple of week/month relationships.

I dated approx 15 years younger through 5 years older, I quickly found that most 10+ years younger were not good long term prospects (for me).

With the women I dated that were much younger, I found that most would state that they prefer the maturity. And while I don't think they were necessarily looking for a free ride, there was definitely many cases of lack of financial independence and/or esteem. It's not wrong, but it wasn't for me.

I ended up meeting my amazing DP who is about 7 years younger, totally independent, ambitious and makes me laugh everyday, which is perfect.

Wealth and power basically. If you’re richer and more important now than when you were in your 20s, you’re probably more attractive despite being older.

100%. Attraction is about a range of variables combining to breach a threshold. It can’t be forced, it comes naturally.

Im now 40(ish) and have always preferred older men. I'm professional with a successful career and not wanting money or to be looked after etc.

Personally I find older men sexier. There are loads I'd of male celebs that many women would find attractive but I usually look at them and see a baby face/pretty boy and it instantly gives me the ick. Like I can look at them and say they are good looking men but I don't feel any attraction.

However that doesn't mean I find ALL older men attractive. In the same way other women don't find ALL younger men attractive.

i genuinely dont think most or even a lot of men are rich or powerful in their middle age.

@PaintedEgg I agree.

Where I see the largest age gap between an older man and a younger woman, the man is at best not insolvent. Especially where you see the relationship working on most levels. It seems to stem 100% from a personality / good character / life experience trait.

Mainly because men take forever to mature. So many young women will look to an older man🤷‍♀️

Missed the point totally. Most women these days don't need a man for money and are wary of alpha male stereotypes - it smacks of narcissism.

They usually want what the man has to offer. Some woman put more value money and status.

Younger Woman arent going for the 40yr old dustbin man are they lol.

For me it's talent, being an expert in a field that is attractive in older men. Plus confidence.
Work on being a good conversationalist - read a lot, talk to lots of different people, try lots of new things. Don't sit home on your phone, don't overthink things and ruminate. Get out and do. That will make you more vital in the real sense, more attractive. Buy yourself five or six expensive outfits that fit well. Get a good hair cut.

Younger Woman arent going for the 40yr old dustbin man are they lol.

True