Husband sulking over tattoo

[TinyDancer86]

Just after some advice how to manage situation and whether what I did was wrong, feeling sad currently.

Went on a girly weekend recently - end of tough period, lots family illness and bereavement. We all ended up getting small matching tattoos as celebration/ memory.

Husband furious - both about the tattoo and that we didn't discuss it beforehand. Says he hates tattoos and that he has told me this often, so he feels I have done it out of spite and that we didn't dicuss it as I knew he would say no. FYI I had 3 much larger tattoos before we met, and he has generally mentioned he doesn't like tattoos but nothing that made me think this would be the reaction.

He says be feels betrayed and even compared it to having an affair! I apologised and tried to explain, offered to have it lasered off - he said no this as would cause a scar and that the damage is done and he 'would always know'. In heat of moment I said then maybe only option would be divorce if he felt comparable to breaking marriage vows!

He slept in spare room since, and is refusing to talk to me.

Now sure what to do. I have apologised and tried to explain, but also feel his reaction was a big overreaction (especially when comparing to extra marital afffair) and that it's my body and he shouldn't be dictating what I do with it. FYI, tattoo is very small, visible part of body but can be covered.

I don't like tattoos. I worry about the damage they are doing to skin.

However - I would be appalled by this. Utterly and totally appalled. It is your body and it is used as a decorative and celebratory message of self idenification in many cultures. It is your body and your body only.

Seems as if he is not commenting around your health and safety so only one thing to say..

Traditional get rid. Please.

@baileys6904 its not about being upset, its how much they have overreacted. He it taking it to the brink of divorce by comparing a small tattoo to an affair

I think tattoos are vile, not only do they look awful, but they represent utter stupidity. Who on earth would permanently mark themselves with something that will fade/sag/go out of fashion.

I'd be furious too.

im starting to see a trend between unreasonable hate for tattoos and tendency to ignore like half of context 🤔

Then I’d say that makes you look pretty stupid and controlling, which personally I find much more ‘vile’ 🤷‍♀️

Which is your opinion so presumably you don't have any.
I don't agree with you, which is why I do have some.

Lovely. So in the context of this particular scenario, what with you feeling so strongly, would you marry someone knowing they don't feel the same way and already have tattoos? Would you then feel justified in having the reaction the DH did because the OP didn't fall into line with that opinion?

@underneaththeash

why would you be furious if you were OP’s partner? Is her body not his.
you can decide that tatooos are vile and so don’t have one yourself. But you can’t make that decision for other people. There is something called bodily autonomy you know!

She likes tattoos so has them.
He doesn't like tattoos so doesn't have them.

His dislike of tattoos doesn't win over her like of them. Just like her like of them doesn't win over his dislike of them.

Basically if we're saying he's allowed to act petty and abusive, then we're saying she is also allowed to act petty and abusive because he hasn't gotten a tattoo.

Presumably you then wouldn't have gone out with and married someone who already had tattoos. You'd have ruled them out of your dating pool for their "stupidity".

It's not OK to get involved with someone and expect them to change their preferences to suit you.

If you don't like tattoos, why can't your partner have one?

Answer without using the words I, my, me or we.

The first response nails it once again!

He sounds really controlling! Such a weird reaction, particularly since you already have tattoos.

I personally don’t like tattoos but DH got one, his business. I might roll my eyes as it would be out of character.

Unless it was an offensive tattoo or on your face it’s really not something for him to have an opinion on.

Ah kk. I just know there was a rule change in the UK or Europe. Wasn't sure what it was.

Definitely a sucky allergy that. Sorry man.

I don’t really like tattoos but if my OH got one I’d not particularly care.

His body his choice.

Did it not occur to you that your husband might prefer to be told about the new tattoo (before or right after)?

or why didn’t you think to mention this before you came home?

I wouldn’t be impressed if my SO went on a “lads’ weekend” and did this. And I would probably tell him.

BUT your husband’s reaction still seems very OTT and controlling. He doesn’t have the right to punish you for this.

He doesn’t get to force his preferences on her- but neither has he to validate or like her decision, nor stay married to her.

I’ll agree it’s not about the tattoo- not for either of them

I hate tattoos, and my partner knows this. If he went away for a lads weekend and got a tattoo without telling me, I’d be angry and upset. Of course it’s his body and his right to do whatever he wants to it, but knowing I don’t like tattoos, getting one done would be like a deliberate act that would knowingly hurt me.

Issue is that you only see them occasionally, other people are looking at them all the time.

yep, its all about control and abuse of power, everyone gets it

well since you ask, it’s because they’re repulsive

what? how is someone who has tattoos looking at them occasionally?

That is not a fact. They are not repulsive to everyone.

They are repulsive to you

You don't have a right to not be repulsed.

The first mistake you made was apologising. Why does he think he gets a say over what you do with YOUR body? He's a controlling and manipulative twat. Let him sulk, ignore him.

This is exactly what I thought of first too!
Seems like the overreaction is because of his own insecurities and projection.
I do wonder what he got up to while you were on your trip away.
And a heart on the wrist sounds like a really nice tattoo!