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Original poster

Possible Emma Thompson Moment

337 replies

MaybeAgain2023 · 06/07/2023 22:33

It’s my birthday next week

9 years ago DH had a short affair. We worked through it and all has been fine for a number of years.

OW had a significant birthday this week. I’ve noticed a transaction on the online bank account, which I never look at (via PayPal which he rarely uses). This set my spidery senses going. It’s from a store I never shop at and I didn’t know that he knew it even existed.

I’m now waiting to see if this present materialises. If it doesn’t it’s a deal breaker. I’m on zero tolerance.

Feeling nervous

OP posts:
Allthecheeseplease · 06/07/2023 22:38

Did you have any therapy after affair? Either couples or personal therapy? I ask because you still don't have any trust in this man. It must be a very diffcult way to live. By the way, I'm not saying you should have trust but the damage that has been done to you, personally, and your ability to trust people must make it very stressful for you.

You could ask him straight out?

Dullardmullard · 06/07/2023 22:38

Whilst waiting have all the ducks in a row so you have a head start if it all comes tumbling down

Knackeredhamster · 06/07/2023 22:43

Blimey op. How raw for you, that you immediately feel this is the reason for the purchase.

Do you have any birthday or celebration coming up?

What made you check the account I wonder, was it because you knew the ow had this coming up?

FiloPasty · 06/07/2023 22:45

Oh gosh fingers crossed for you

Shapemyeyebrows · 06/07/2023 22:47

@MaybeAgain2023 have there been any other signs of anything?

Circumferences · 06/07/2023 22:49

It sounds like you're not over the affair all these years later, neither should you be because that's a really shitty thing- but why have you stayed? Was it for the children?

SweetSakura · 06/07/2023 22:49

Is he still in touch with OW? How did you know about her birthday?

CatMattress · 06/07/2023 22:50

The OP says it's her bday next week.

OP - Is it a shop that sells things you would like/wear/use? Or is that the less likely scenario?

Trainsplanesandfeet · 06/07/2023 22:51

Surely he wouldn’t be daft enough to use an account you are able to view?

regardless OP I’m so sorry, it’s no way to live in a marriage.

PaigeMatthews · 06/07/2023 22:53

Its a long time ago and it is your birthday soon too

so ask why youre looking for a way out.. becUse you can leave if you want to.

Original poster
MaybeAgain2023 · 06/07/2023 22:57

I/We did have therapy and honestly, we’re in a really good place.

I wasn’t specifically checking the account. I had transferred some money from our savings to this account and wanted to check it had cleared.

Her birthday is exactly a week before mine so I’m more aware I suppose.

Hopefully it’s nothing as I have no other reason to be concerned but one thing the affair taught me is to believe that anything is possible. It’s a defence mechanism I suppose

I don’t know why I’m posting really. I just needed to get my thoughts down

OP posts:
SirVixofVixHall · 06/07/2023 22:59

Is it a shop that sells things you would like ?

Original poster
MaybeAgain2023 · 06/07/2023 22:59

I’m not looking for a way out, but absolutely would go.

OP posts:
Original poster
MaybeAgain2023 · 06/07/2023 23:01

It is a shop I would perhaps buy from, but never have.

Yes, it’s from the account but maybe he thought PayPal purchases wouldn’t show up there?

OP posts:
NisekoWhistler · 06/07/2023 23:04

I dearly hope this gift is for you

determinedtomakethiswork · 06/07/2023 23:07

I have had my own Emma Thompson moment, and I can completely understand why you are on pins, noticing things like this. The previous poster said you don't trust him and that's what happens when someone has an affair. They are never trusted again really.

I really hope he's just bought something for you.

MackenCheese · 06/07/2023 23:07

I hope its not an Emma T moment, that was so sad. Hopefully he's got something for you 🤞

Jellifulfruit · 06/07/2023 23:09

Hopefully it’s for you 🫶🏻🫶🏻

Gothambutnotahamster · 06/07/2023 23:14

I'm hoping it's for you Op - horrible situation for you.

Original poster
MaybeAgain2023 · 06/07/2023 23:16

Thank you - I hope it’s for me too

Obviously I can’t ask him at the moment, as it may be for me.

I trust him as much as I would ever trust anyone and I think anyone whose partner has had an affair will understand that.

OP posts:
Original poster
MaybeAgain2023 · 06/07/2023 23:18

I do know what he’s got me for my birthday and I suppose that’s what’s thrown me. This could be an extra surprise though

OP posts:
NooNaNa · 06/07/2023 23:19

MaybeAgain2023 · 06/07/2023 23:16

Thank you - I hope it’s for me too

Obviously I can’t ask him at the moment, as it may be for me.

I trust him as much as I would ever trust anyone and I think anyone whose partner has had an affair will understand that.

I completely understand. The deceit and betrayal are absolutely devastating and cast a long shadow.

dontdillydallytoolong · 06/07/2023 23:20

Wishing you a happy birthday and I hope that you receive the gift. Completely understand why you would feel anxious. So hard to trust again after a betrayal. x

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 06/07/2023 23:22

Would be really be so silly to use joint account for it?

Also if it was for her birthday this week, wouldn't be have bought it a while ago?

I think it'll be for you :)

thecatinthetwat · 06/07/2023 23:23

Oh op, nothing helpful to say except I really hope it’s for you.
is there anyone else it could be for? Do you know what the item is or just the amount? Did it cost a lot?