Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Partners debts ruining me..

174 replies

brendasays · 05/07/2023 06:51

My partner of two years moved in with me 6 months ago.
6 months ago letters started arriving
He told me he had debts
I told him to start offering payment plans
Yesterday the ballifs turned up for unpaid council tax when I was out
I obviously was really upset
As soon as he got home I told him to ring them and set up a payment plan.
Last night I couldn't sleep and was tossing and turning.
I told him I was worried sick
He got really angry ,he's told me he's not coming home tonight and he's staying in a hotel away from me.
He said the worst thing he did was move in with me and he's thinking of going back down south for a few weeks.

What have I done wrong?
Is he just going to leave me to deal with this?
Why is he angry at me?
He's left for work and I don't think he's coming back

OP posts:
Straightsidedcircle · 05/07/2023 06:54

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Ilikewinter · 05/07/2023 06:55

Let him go. It doesnt sound like hes taking any responsibility for sorting these debts out and I would be furious to have baliffs at my door.

flapjackfairy · 05/07/2023 06:55

well here's hoping not.
They cant force you to pay them so let him go and reclaim your house. He sounds like a user . Sorry to be blunt x

Original poster
brendasays · 05/07/2023 06:57

I don't understand the booking a hotel away from me ,I'm not the enemy
I've done nothing wrong
I don't understand it

OP posts:
Backstreets · 05/07/2023 06:59

If he’s out of the picture you won’t have to deal with it. He, his debts and his nasty attitude will be gone.

MasterOfOne · 05/07/2023 07:00

He has done you a huge favour, literally kicked himself out. Pack up the rest if his stuff and tell him you're leaving it outside.

Next time the bailiffs turn up, you can legitimately say he doesn't live there.

Don't get your life tangled up with his mess.

Charles11 · 05/07/2023 07:00

As painful as it feels, It sounds like it would be better for you if you separated from him.
He won't change and you'll have a lifetime of these worries if you stay together.

The other scenario is he's 'punishing' you for your reaction and wants to put you back in line and has no intention of leaving. Just wants to make life difficult for you and get you to plead for him to come back. Don't do it.

Straightsidedcircle · 05/07/2023 07:00

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

ZekeZeke · 05/07/2023 07:03

Money for a hotel but not his bills?
Has he contributed anything in those 6 months?
You and are better off without him. Pack the cocklodgers shit up and tell him to collect it.

Original poster
brendasays · 05/07/2023 07:03

What will happen to him if he doesn't pay them?

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMooncup · 05/07/2023 07:04

brendasays · 05/07/2023 06:57

I don't understand the booking a hotel away from me ,I'm not the enemy
I've done nothing wrong
I don't understand it

Because he moved in, thinking nobody would find him there. And probably that you'd pay the debts for him if they did (that's the thing with the stomping off to a hotel - to scare you into paying them).

CurlewKate · 05/07/2023 07:04

Are the debts in his name alone?

Original poster
brendasays · 05/07/2023 07:05

Yes all dents in his name
We have no joint bills together -my house is solely in my name too

OP posts:
Original poster
brendasays · 05/07/2023 07:06

*debts

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 05/07/2023 07:07

If its his council tax from before you, don't see how can be on you. Celebrate he's out!

autumnboys · 05/07/2023 07:07

This is good news that the house is all your name. Do not let him back across the threshold. He’s shown you who he is - believe him.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 05/07/2023 07:07

brendasays · 05/07/2023 07:03

What will happen to him if he doesn't pay them?

He'll spin a yarn about how he'll go to prison or have to sleep on the street to a kindhearted woman, that's what he'll do. Probably say it's your council tax/debt and he's supported you throughout whilst you spent his money on nails and dating other men.

FairAcre · 05/07/2023 07:08

You can do better than this guy. Please move on and find someone whom you can build a genuine partnership with. He is using you.

HabberdasheryAddict · 05/07/2023 07:08

Could he have run up debts in your name? Or taken out credit cards in your name?

I'd be checking my credit reports! And keep doing so regularly in future.

And pack up his stuff and change the locks, obviously.

ProfessorXtra · 05/07/2023 07:08

Don’t let him come back.

It’s really that simple. He knows he is in the wrong and he is turning it on you.

That plus the debt is enough to say he doesn’t give a shit about you.

His debts can only ruin you if you stay with him

EdithStourton · 05/07/2023 07:11

If he has a key, change the locks.
You do not need a man like this in your life.

Denimdreams · 05/07/2023 07:12

brendasays · 05/07/2023 06:57

I don't understand the booking a hotel away from me ,I'm not the enemy
I've done nothing wrong
I don't understand it

It's who he is and why he got into debt.
Unable to take responsibility for his own actions and behaviour.

Run! Do not let him come back, he will take you down with him

Whadda · 05/07/2023 07:12

Why are you upset that he’s left?

Surely you can see that being in a relationship with this man is not the smart thing to do?

BrandNewBicep · 05/07/2023 07:15

He's behaving like this because you have made him confront the reality. He was quite happy to just ignore it and pretend it wasn't happening.

Do not allow this man to drag you down. You are not responsible for him and his debts. You are not required to fix this problem.

Quiverer · 05/07/2023 07:26

brendasays · 05/07/2023 06:57

I don't understand the booking a hotel away from me ,I'm not the enemy
I've done nothing wrong
I don't understand it

He did this because he doesn't want to face up to his debts, and you were making him think about them and be a grown-up. Just be grateful he's gone, and change the locks.

Swipe left for the next trending thread