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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Partners debts ruining me..

174 replies

brendasays · 05/07/2023 06:51

My partner of two years moved in with me 6 months ago.
6 months ago letters started arriving
He told me he had debts
I told him to start offering payment plans
Yesterday the ballifs turned up for unpaid council tax when I was out
I obviously was really upset
As soon as he got home I told him to ring them and set up a payment plan.
Last night I couldn't sleep and was tossing and turning.
I told him I was worried sick
He got really angry ,he's told me he's not coming home tonight and he's staying in a hotel away from me.
He said the worst thing he did was move in with me and he's thinking of going back down south for a few weeks.

What have I done wrong?
Is he just going to leave me to deal with this?
Why is he angry at me?
He's left for work and I don't think he's coming back

OP posts:
Meeting · 05/07/2023 08:08

If he's registered at your address, which he must be if bailiffs are turning up there for him, they can and will take items from your home to cover his debt.

Get rid of him ASAP.

Calmdown14 · 05/07/2023 08:09

Make sure you have no accounts tied to him.

Check your own credit rating on Experian etc.

Is the council tax paid on the property you live in? Is his name on it? Get it removed if he has (hopefully) left.

Council tax should be the priority debt as there are a greater number of sanctions available to collect it.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 05/07/2023 08:11

brendasays · 05/07/2023 07:58

I think what it is he left a property
And didn't inform council tax so that's why he owes this.
I told him tell them you will pay £500 a month for two months then the final £250
Are they likely to accept payment plan ?
He gets £1,700 a month he can just pay it end of the month if not

Oh, he could have made an arrangement to pay at any point prior to bailiffs tracking him down. He just didn't want to.

He won't go to prison because I'm almost 100% certain he's going to persuade/bully/scare you to pay it for him. Has he started on about how this debt makes him not want to exist anymore yet? It's next on the list.

Original poster
brendasays · 05/07/2023 08:12

No he is not on my council tax
I put him down as a lodger
I lost my 25% discount when he moved in

OP posts:
Original poster
brendasays · 05/07/2023 08:12

Also when he got a new job he gave this address (as at the time was homeless )
So I'm assuming HMRC got the address for him from his work and it went from there

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMooncup · 05/07/2023 08:13

brendasays · 05/07/2023 08:12

No he is not on my council tax
I put him down as a lodger
I lost my 25% discount when he moved in

He wasn't a lodger, though. Except for a cocklodger.

Original poster
brendasays · 05/07/2023 08:16

I was never up for him moving in in the first place
He said at first it was temporary whilst waiting on the housing list -he got evicted (so he said ) from his last flat because he's landlord was awful
Now I'm wondering if he didn't pay any rent
I was quite happy living separately
Obviously when he was homeless I let him stay
It was never meant to be permanent

My plans were always save for a deposit for a house whilst renting here and hopefully saving

OP posts:
Naunet · 05/07/2023 08:18

brendasays · 05/07/2023 07:58

I think what it is he left a property
And didn't inform council tax so that's why he owes this.
I told him tell them you will pay £500 a month for two months then the final £250
Are they likely to accept payment plan ?
He gets £1,700 a month he can just pay it end of the month if not

That’s not how it works. Was he renting? If so the council tax after he moved, would have been the landlords to pay, not his. He would just have to show he was living somewhere else.
Stop worrying about him, focus on yourself. The guy is an irresponsible loser, he’s trying to manipulate you into silence and I suspect he’s also a liar.

BigCheeseSandwich · 05/07/2023 08:18

“He said at first it was temporary whilst waiting on the housing list -he got evicted (so he said ) from his last flat because he's landlord was awful”

he’s spun you a line. I wonder how many other women he’s leeched off? Get rid of this parasite, you sound like a sorted person, you don’t need this man dragging you into debt and stress.

CurlewKate · 05/07/2023 08:19

If he is using your address, the bailiffs can and will take property to pay the debt. Him moving out will not fix this. Do you have the letters he's received from the bailiffs?

Lobelia123 · 05/07/2023 08:19

You are evidently responsible and forward thinking - you have a logn term plan to save for a house deposit and get your own home, and the thought of debt and bailiffs (even second hand when its his debt and his cheating of creditors) causes you a lot of discomfort and stress. He on the other hand seems to be childish, dishonest and manipulative. You are just not compatible. And yes, it is stealing to not pay your bills! Get rid of him and dont spend another moment of your life worrying about what will become of him - FFS, he made his bed, didnt pay for it and now will have to face the music. Dont let hm drag you down with it - no company in the evenings or sex make up for having to financially support a cocklodger.

Whadda · 05/07/2023 08:20

You sound incredibly naive, OP.

He was keen to move in so he’d have somewhere to live. Nobody falls in love faster than a man in need of a bed.

Do you have children?
How long have you been with your boyfriend?

Lindy2 · 05/07/2023 08:21

He's not the right partner for you. You're too mismatched in terms of finances.

Why should you have the stress of someone else's debts. He clearly isn't bothered enough about his financial mess to get it sorted.

This will go on for your entire relationship and he'll probably build up debt in your name too.

Tell him not to return and move forward without him.

Original poster
brendasays · 05/07/2023 08:21

Can they really take my things if the tenancy etc is in my name and all bills in my name?

OP posts:
Naunet · 05/07/2023 08:24

brendasays · 05/07/2023 08:16

I was never up for him moving in in the first place
He said at first it was temporary whilst waiting on the housing list -he got evicted (so he said ) from his last flat because he's landlord was awful
Now I'm wondering if he didn't pay any rent
I was quite happy living separately
Obviously when he was homeless I let him stay
It was never meant to be permanent

My plans were always save for a deposit for a house whilst renting here and hopefully saving

Ugh, he’s a user. You need to get him out.
Is he paying you proper rent and bill money etc?

Quiverer · 05/07/2023 08:25

brendasays · 05/07/2023 08:21

Can they really take my things if the tenancy etc is in my name and all bills in my name?

No, they can't. You've been told that repeatedly on this thread.

Naunet · 05/07/2023 08:26

brendasays · 05/07/2023 08:21

Can they really take my things if the tenancy etc is in my name and all bills in my name?

No they can’t, only joint things or his things, but that doesn’t mean they won’t try and convince you they can.

Quiverer · 05/07/2023 08:26

CurlewKate · 05/07/2023 08:19

If he is using your address, the bailiffs can and will take property to pay the debt. Him moving out will not fix this. Do you have the letters he's received from the bailiffs?

That is not true. They have no entitlement to take someone else's possessions just because a debtor uses that address.

pinklama · 05/07/2023 08:26

They could possibly-you don’t know what he had used your address for. If he has put it down as his residence yes. Speak to citizens advice & get rid of him as I suspect he just has cocklodger aspirations here.

My take is that he is blaming you so you feel bad/guilty or panic and pay the debts for him.

Naunet · 05/07/2023 08:28

I’d be concerned that if they come round when your not in, your boyfriend might say your things are his and give them your tv etc, and then later bullshit you that they had said they had the right to take your stuff.

Original poster
brendasays · 05/07/2023 08:30

@Quiverer okay but further down someone said they can even if his name wasn't on tenancy -so confused me

OP posts:
Tombero · 05/07/2023 08:31

Finish with him and get any of his stuff boxed up and gone.

Inform anyone you can he’s gone, i.e. council tax, landlord.

Check your credit score in case he’s managed to impact it already.

Tombero · 05/07/2023 08:32

Oh, and change your locks so he can’t come back.

HabberdasheryAddict · 05/07/2023 08:32

@brendasays - This man is taking advantage and walking all over you. You need appropriate tools and boundaries to find the strength to get rid of him. And stop blaming yourself!

I strongly recommend that you read this book: Women Who Love Too Much, by Dr Rob8n Norwood. Awful title but a classic. Reading it will hopefully save you from being such a pushover in the future.

Meeting · 05/07/2023 08:32

brendasays · 05/07/2023 08:21

Can they really take my things if the tenancy etc is in my name and all bills in my name?

They can't take anything that you can prove your own.
Do you really want to go through the stress of having a bailiff turn up to your doorstep and frantically trying to find a receipt for a TV you bought 5 years ago?

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