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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Partners debts ruining me..

174 replies

brendasays · 05/07/2023 06:51

My partner of two years moved in with me 6 months ago.
6 months ago letters started arriving
He told me he had debts
I told him to start offering payment plans
Yesterday the ballifs turned up for unpaid council tax when I was out
I obviously was really upset
As soon as he got home I told him to ring them and set up a payment plan.
Last night I couldn't sleep and was tossing and turning.
I told him I was worried sick
He got really angry ,he's told me he's not coming home tonight and he's staying in a hotel away from me.
He said the worst thing he did was move in with me and he's thinking of going back down south for a few weeks.

What have I done wrong?
Is he just going to leave me to deal with this?
Why is he angry at me?
He's left for work and I don't think he's coming back

OP posts:
ItsNotWhatItsNot · 05/07/2023 09:46

OP your focus is entirely on the wrong thing. You need to do huge amounts of work on raising your standards, you never should have moved some homeless bloke in to your property. Women are not rehabilitation centres for low quality men. He has not behaved in a loveable way to you. Aim for better in life, never allow some man to make a complete mug of you again.

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 05/07/2023 09:48

Right now, his debts are not ruining you, they are just upsetting you. But if you let him stay then they WILL ruin you. Let him leave and don't let him back.

Blobblobblob · 05/07/2023 09:49

Your update is worrying. You didn't want him to move in, but somehow he did anyway?

You really need to avoid relationships until you've learned how to not be a total doormat.

You're still going on about loving him, JFC, wake up, this man has manipulated and used you. Get angry, check your credit and change the bloody locks, today!

Original poster
brendasays · 05/07/2023 09:49

Thankyou I'm gonna change my locks and tell him it's over unless he can sort his life out and even then I'm not sure I would want it
I just want a happy stress free life
Im meant to be away on Sunday for the night to a spa with my friend -undecided now whether to go

OP posts:
Lurkingandlearning · 05/07/2023 09:49

Until a debt has had a court judgment you will only have debt collectors call (baillifs pursue court judgments). They should tell you which debt collection agency they are from and have some form of identification. I say “only” but I know how unpleasant they can be. Once you’ve told them he doesn’t live there, if they persist write to the company and say if they continue to pester you, you will make a report to the police under section 2 (1) of the Protection from Harrassment Act 1997. That worked for me.

Also, if and when debt collectors call again give them his work address. They will be more than happy to deal with him there as he has moved into a hotel.

But please get shot of that feckless fucker. There is no way he didn’t know about payment plans- every bill, every website refers to help with financial difficulty. He may well have moved in intending to leave all his debt at your address.

don’t worry about him going to prison. The companies he owes would rather him in work and paying them than prison. But if he does end up there it will be entirely down to him

Original poster
brendasays · 05/07/2023 09:50

I've checked my clear score and all is okay and all in my name etc
So that's one less thing to worry about

OP posts:
MariaVT65 · 05/07/2023 09:52

brendasays · 05/07/2023 09:49

Thankyou I'm gonna change my locks and tell him it's over unless he can sort his life out and even then I'm not sure I would want it
I just want a happy stress free life
Im meant to be away on Sunday for the night to a spa with my friend -undecided now whether to go

Don’t let him ruin your spa day! Absolutely go, but change your locks first!!

notapizzaeater · 05/07/2023 09:52

He knew Dawn well what he was doing when he moved in with you. If he was serious about clearing the debt he could have been paying it out of his £1700 wage

Original poster
brendasays · 05/07/2023 09:53

The ballifs are called marston holdings
And on the letter it says a debt towards HMCTS
Which is court isn't it?

OP posts:
Theos · 05/07/2023 09:54

This wil be a court fine he’s ignored. What has he got a conviction for ? Could be driving TV licence Etc of course. Or more serious

Toddlerteaplease · 05/07/2023 09:55

Let him stay in the hotel and don't let him back again.

Toddlerteaplease · 05/07/2023 09:55

brendasays · 05/07/2023 06:57

I don't understand the booking a hotel away from me ,I'm not the enemy
I've done nothing wrong
I don't understand it

He's a twat. That's the reason.

whattodoforthebest2 · 05/07/2023 09:55

OP can I just say that I've had bailiffs turning up on my doorstep looking for a guy who had been a lodger over a year before. I'd returned all the post addressed to him and yet they still turned up. They were quite reasonable. I said he'd moved out over a year ago, I told them where he worked and that he had a partner and child living locally, so it was likely he was still in the area. They accepted that and didn't ask anything else. Don't let them into the house tho'. You can tell them everything they need to know on the doorstep.

So if they do turn up, just be calm and tell them he no longer lives there. If you've already told the council and got a letter confirming the single adult allowance, so much the better. You can show it to them. Don't fret about it, just don't let him move back in and don't believe the stories he's telling you about how everybody's nasty to him and he's the poor victim.

Original poster
brendasays · 05/07/2023 09:56

He owed money to HMRC
Could it be this?
He told me he set up a payment plan for this tho

OP posts:
LogicVoid · 05/07/2023 09:57

Good God Woman! But, Well Done on waking up so quickly and getting those locks changed asap. Don't let him sweet talk his way back in. He's a loser and user. You don't need this in your life.

LIZS · 05/07/2023 09:58

Why have you got the letter, it is his issue to sort out. Ask for the keys back and disassociate your address from him. He needs to tell his employer he no longer lives there too.

Theos · 05/07/2023 09:58

HMCTS is court and tribunal service. It’ll be a speeding fine or something similar.

Original poster
brendasays · 05/07/2023 09:59

I told him at the beginning of the year to tell his employer it was temporary and he said he had
I'm now questioning if anything was true tho obviously

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 05/07/2023 10:00

You are the enemy op because you’re forcing him to confront his problems and he is happy to make like an ostrich.

Im so sorry you’ve found this out the hard way.

MariaVT65 · 05/07/2023 10:00

LIZS · 05/07/2023 09:58

Why have you got the letter, it is his issue to sort out. Ask for the keys back and disassociate your address from him. He needs to tell his employer he no longer lives there too.

This. It’s clearly stressing you out. Stop trying to figure out the ins and outs of his debts. Just the fact that you’ve had bailiffs should be enough. Cut ties immediately and go and enjoy your spa break!

LIZS · 05/07/2023 10:01

brendasays · 05/07/2023 09:56

He owed money to HMRC
Could it be this?
He told me he set up a payment plan for this tho

Doubtful. He won't have been evicted for that either. Council tax is not hmrc but Local Authority. It is a priority debt like rent/mortgage. Bet he has a trail of outstanding debts waiting to catch up with him.

Meeting · 05/07/2023 10:01

He's obviously lying to you and has no intention of clearing these debts, just running away from them. And he has now brought them to your doorstep.

Good idea about changing the locks, if you're nervous try and get someone to come over for support.

Lurkingandlearning · 05/07/2023 10:03

Glad to hear you’ve got the name of the people who are chasing his debt. Yeah it does seem like it’s already gone through the court which he would have also known. Write to them explaining the situation with any evidence you have that he was only a lodger/guest and give them his work address.

and get your single person’s council tax reinstated. That will give you a paper trail to show that he has officially gone be.

Odiebay · 05/07/2023 10:05

I'm betting this is the tip of the iceberg. He's run off before you find out more.

Original poster
brendasays · 05/07/2023 10:06

Does anyone know how I will prove to council tax he has gone?
Will I need a signed letter or something from him?

OP posts: