Husband wants to try anal

[Somethingdiferent]

I had a baby 6 months ago and I'm too uncomfortable with the idea of penetrative sex after a really traumatic birth and a 3rd, almost 4th degree tear - husband thinks a solution to our lack of intimacy is to try anal. Now I'm not necessarily against the idea, but we've been married for 11 years and this has never featured in our bedroom before. I am considering trying it but I'm terrified it will hurt like hell.. he assures me that it will be fine and that he knows what to do ect. My concern is that WHY is this only being mentioned NOW? In the 17 years we've been together (we got together very young) and our 11 years of marriage, he has never once suggested we try this, nor has he even dropped hints?

So I'm wondering if I'm just being insecure and overthinking this (YABU), or has he been wanting to try this for a long time and just used this as an opportunity to suggest it(YANBU)??

Also any advice on if you have tried this after having a traumatic birth etc please let me know if this helped your intimacy?

Because some posters aren't simply saying they don't want to have anal, they are saying that anal is perverted.

It's akin to me saying "I don't want to have sex with men" (absolutely fine) and following that up with "because it's perverted" (which would clearly be homophobic).

I'm as personally repulsed by the idea of receiving anal as many posters... it doesn't mean I say it's perverted and unnatural, and that if a partner ever dared mention it they'd immediately be shown the door.

My issue is when people conflate the OP's specific issue with statements that "anal sex is always perverted and wrong".

Something tells me none of the women on this thread particularly care how you feel about their own opinions and whether they voice them or not. You seem controlling, it’s concerning you’re on these boards displaying this behaviour.

I haven't done anything of the sort. Try reading my posts. Again, I don't like anal myself, and any woman who doesn't want anal shouldn't be persuading, pressured or cajoled into having it, in any way, shape or form.

Just for balance I have done anal and have instigated it, I like it when it was combined with other things 😆 but I don’t think this thread is about whether anal is right or wrong or gross lol.

On the contrary, how is what i'm posting in any way controlling?! It's you and others who are trying to control by saying that "anal is perverted".

I won’t be commenting anymore on this thread

Thank fuck for that.

One or two people have said anal is perverted.

I’m sorry your feelings are so deeply hurt by that.

I’ve never said that buddy.

It’s controlling because women are entitled to express their opinions on any sex act, a man’s approval (specifically yours in this case) is not required nor desired. You seem to not be able to understand this?

@Lachimolala

Apologies, I can see you didn't. But my posts were directed at those who very clearly have said that.

💩comes from the anus; need I say more.

OP, your husband should respect you- there are plenty of non shoving a penis sexual activities while you are getting better from your tear.

Just for the record @guineacup - we don’t care that you don’t like women dating anal is perverted.

Not our problem.

It’s controlling because women are entitled to express their opinions on any sex act, a man’s approval (specifically yours in this case) is not required nor desired. You seem to not be able to understand this?

Of course anyone can express any opinion... It doesn't make that opinion immune from criticism if that opinion demeans others.

It is very perverted.

I wouldn’t say hurt feelings, I’d say a very deep and concerning anger that the women aren’t falling into line and immediately agreeing with his superior opinion’s.

Continue telling us off, @guineacup.

You have zero credibility.

Judging and criticising others simply because you don’t agree is very controlling. No one’s looking for your agreement. Move it along buddy.

No consensual sex between consenting adults is “perverted”. It might not suit you personally, it might be a sexual preference you don’t share and that’s fine, but there isn’t a universal list of “Allowed sex” and “Perverted Sex”. Like a twist on the old joke “Q: How many sexual partners do you have to have had before being called promiscuous? A: One more than I’ve had.”

”Q: What makes a sex act perverted? A: Anything I wouldn’t do.”

This thread has diverged to converse on whether the ops husband is insensitive and then whether anal sex has a place in a relationship. Briefly touching on anal sex and porn.

1. Possibly being insensitive.
2. Some women initiate and are open to all kinds of sexual acts from standard missionary right through to group sex-watersports-anal etc.
3. Anal sex was not started by porn the term sodomy has a historical connection with humankind which dates back well over 4000 yrs. Anal sex was it is still used as a form of contraception. All other sexual acts mentioned in my brief list above have also been present throughout human history.

And now we know sodomy can damage women.

This is entirely up to you, don't let him pressure you into it! I would be questioning how he knows what he's doing if he's never done it with you?

I’m confident that precisely zero people on this thread think that anal started with porn. Of course it bloody didn’t. That’s not the context in which people are bringing porn into it.

Why conflate those points then. The thread began quite narrow, then broadening to include sex acts specifically anal influenced via porn.

It's clear to me that some on this thread object to anal sex under any circumstances.
There's also an implication that modern society somehow invented sex acts outside of missionary.
History categorically proves that not to be true.

There's also an implication that modern society somehow invented sex acts outside of missionary.
History categorically proves that not to be true.
No one said that. This is a supportive thread for op. Take your strawman coolgirl nonsense elsewhere. It's not appropriate for you or anyone else to try and normalise/coerce the op into accepting this.

Can you please point out where I'm explicitly suggesting the op should try anal sex at the behest of her husband.
I'm not!
Some women like anal sex, in fact some women like sex. Omg what a revelation.

That's kinda what makes it so good though if you're into it... js

Anyway obviously don't do anything you're not comfy with OP!! Look after yourself xx