Husband wants to try anal

[Somethingdiferent]

I had a baby 6 months ago and I'm too uncomfortable with the idea of penetrative sex after a really traumatic birth and a 3rd, almost 4th degree tear - husband thinks a solution to our lack of intimacy is to try anal. Now I'm not necessarily against the idea, but we've been married for 11 years and this has never featured in our bedroom before. I am considering trying it but I'm terrified it will hurt like hell.. he assures me that it will be fine and that he knows what to do ect. My concern is that WHY is this only being mentioned NOW? In the 17 years we've been together (we got together very young) and our 11 years of marriage, he has never once suggested we try this, nor has he even dropped hints?

So I'm wondering if I'm just being insecure and overthinking this (YABU), or has he been wanting to try this for a long time and just used this as an opportunity to suggest it(YANBU)??

Also any advice on if you have tried this after having a traumatic birth etc please let me know if this helped your intimacy?

Read his previous posts and yes men always pop up on threads about sex and another favourite is sex workers they often have known sex workers to really enjoy their job!

Yes, please do read them, and if anyone can identify where I've lied or gaslit, I will apologise.

It's really quite staggering reading through the posts this evening at the sheer extent of how my posts have been misrepresented by a handful of posters.

And I have never, on any thread, ever, mentioned talked about "happy sex workers".

@guineacup - you came onto this thread to push that it was OK for the OP’s DH to suggest this.

And now you’re all faux shocked at the reception you’ve had to that.

You tried to back-track and say you didn’t realise the OP has a 3rd, nearly 4th, degree tear - even though it’s right there in the opening sentence.

It was never OK for the OP’s DH to suggest anal in this context.

The women on here responding negatively to you have almost certainly all given birth, and many, many of us have had tears. That’s where we’re responding from - to the OP, and to you.

You’ve then tried to silence people by accusing them of homophobia - even though anal sex is something heterosexual men are asking for (expecting) now, and many homosexual men don’t engage in.

You have been represented entirely accurately.

Excellent post.

However, it is equally someone's right to express the opinion that saying such a thing is homophobic.

How is it homophobic when the topic under discussion is heterosexual anal sex?

The poster is saying that all anal sex is a perversion (technically correct), so how is it homophobic when she's referring to anal sex by both homosexual and heterosexual people??

Do you really need that explained to you??!!

i never said you do turn up on the sex workers threads

its the mansplaining it’s the same old and it is tiresome. We don’t need men announcing they have arrived and are here to tell us how it is we have enough of this in real like

read the room

Fucking hell, no! This is not something you try for the first time when you're recovering from birth and a fucking 3rd degree tear!!!

Anal sex is something you do when you're comfortable, and only if you want to do! (I like it, but I only do it when I'm absolutely comfortable and never if someone insists).

I wouldn't confess that here, by the looks of things you'll be labelled as perverted.

Tell him you will use a dildo on his arse and see what he thinks first. I'm totally against it

Op, while the decision is solely yours to make. I would advise to refrain from any anal activity until you and your dh have built your sexual relationship to a confident place.
You must put yourself first in this situation, I'm sure you are BOTH missing the intimacy of your relationship but I don't believe this is the way to get it back on track.
It will undoubtedly take you a long time to feel comfortable with penetrative sex after what you have had to go through, and really your dh should understand that and if he doesn't he should be made to.
Good luck with everything, I hope things start to get easier for you.

If you actually read the thread and it’s context you’ll see that’s not at all the case.

You're right, I shouldn't have mentioned the possibility of some women doing that willingly... (still, the OP's H is being U)

There are a lot of euphemisms and dancing around the facts on this thread. I’d prefer to say refrain until the nearly 4th degree tear has fully healed so that the perineum and rectal muscles are back to normal (possibly never), that has been confirmed with ultrasound tests and only then if you really want to and there is absolutely no pressure. In other words, in neverneverland, because you can see right there from the Op that she doesn’t really want to.

It’s not just about feeling ‘comfortable’. There’s a medical issue here which would need resolving before you could even go there. Otherwise OP could end up exacerbating birth injuries in a life changing way.

I'm not advocating for anal sex.... if you aren't interested in it, don't do it. A small percentage of women do enjoy their ass being played with etc.

If the OP doesn't want to do it, especially as a compromise for vaginal sex due to a baby.... than I fully support her.

Unless the woman is relaxed than anal will hurt. It also requires training. It's not because men see it in porn, it's something some men like and some women.

I don't know about the type of complications the lady has had and im not a medical practitioner. Therefore I won't advocate for the Op to do something she doesn't want to do.... just there are some women who do enjoy it.

@eastegg
All very good points.
I'm not a medical professional so prefer not to comment on something I have little knowledge on. Plus I saw a midwife had already commented and advised op in that area. I just felt I should comment on the topic I felt more comfortable addressing (their emotional relationship)

I am curious about the anatomical aspects of this matter.

I have taken from this thread that men may get pleasure from stimulation of the prostate gland. Is this all that is required or is concurrent stimulation of the penis a given? Is it possible for a man to get sexual pleasure from anal sex if the prostate is not stimulated, can pleasure be found from just the stimulation of the lower bowel & anal sphincter?

Why don’t you start your own thread and ask that question, @UniversalAunt …………………………..?

Quite.

We've had enugh talk of men's pleasure on this thread.

*enough

I dunno, enUGH seems apt for this bit of male behaviour! 😆

You seem determined to pretend that the word "perverted" carries no value judgment and is merely a synonym for "non-standard". Clearly it's not. You're trying to re-define the English language to fit your argument, and defend the indefensible.

😂

Thank 'ee, thank 'ee! curtseys

Ok. It just feels rather disingenuous to be pretty much ignoring the birth injury.

If OP came on here and said she had broken her leg not long ago, and her DH was encouraging her to do a triathlon, it would be a bit odd for posters to say ‘maybe you could try it if you feel comfortable’. And then, when others pointed out to those posters that she had had a broken leg, for those posters to say ‘but I’m not medically qualified so I thought I’d leave that aspect aside’. I think that would be weird, but it’s what people have essentially done on this thread.

It's not because men see it in porn, it's something some men like and some women.

@regustering It is something, though, that men think of as a bit dirty and so hotter for them, also often with connotations of the woman being degraded or willing to do anything for the man etc. They will pressure women to do it and have done for decades.

For instance, in 1996, as a teenage girl, it wasn't what I wanted and the older bloke said 'that means you're repressed.'

He then went round boasting to all his friends that 'she let me take her up the sh*tter an' all' when I hadn't.