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Original poster

Trigger warning...if you died would you want your partner to find someone else?

181 replies

Addicted2LoveIsland · 02/07/2023 00:51

Genuine question. I understand this might be sensitive to some, but I am genuinely curious. If you passed away would you want your partner/bf/husband to move on and find someone else? Or would you want them to always hold a torch for you and only you?

OP posts:
allmyliesaretrue · 02/07/2023 00:53

I wouldn't care. I'd be dead.

Peter12345678 · 02/07/2023 00:53

Life moves on - once I’m gone he’s free to do what he chooses - why would I stipulate what he can and can’t do?

justtype · 02/07/2023 00:54

allmyliesaretrue · 02/07/2023 00:53

I wouldn't care. I'd be dead.

This.

Also, I don't believe the majority of humans flourish when lonely. So I wouldn't object.

justtype · 02/07/2023 00:54

(If I could object, of course I couldn't because I would be dead. And I don't believe in ghosts.)

1980to1989 · 02/07/2023 00:55

I would want them to meet someone wonderful, when they are ready. Not mourn me so deeply forever that they could never move on. Life is short for us all, even those who live to be 100.

HighEndGrifters · 02/07/2023 00:56

Good luck to them, I love him dearly and he is almost house trained after 34 years.............. best of British breaking him in again. 😂

FortofPud · 02/07/2023 00:56

I would want them to find connection and happiness with someone else, yes. The alternative would be wishing lonliness and sadness on them, which i couldnt do. But not too soon after, and ideally once kids were moved out/adult.

Mythril · 02/07/2023 00:56

I don't care if DH gets a girlfriend, I just would hope he wouldn't move her in with our kids (I have told him my thoughts on this).

Chickpea17 · 02/07/2023 00:57

Yes of course

Greensheeps · 02/07/2023 00:58

Why would I want him to pining and lonely forever wishing for me?

smilesup · 02/07/2023 00:58

100% I would want him to meet someone else and be happy. I would want him to leave it a good 2 years before he introduced the kids so that they didn't feel resentment towards the new woman. I also know he would only be long term with someone who treated the kids well. (He has a son from a previous relationship when we first met he made it very clear that DSS would always be his priority. As any decent father would. Made me fall even more in love and respect for him.)
My dad was brought up by a wonderful stepmother after his real mother was killed. I would always want my kids to have the same chance of a decent second parent.

Laurendelaney1987 · 02/07/2023 01:00

Yes. I hate the idea of him being lonely. I’d rather he was hapoy

NorthWestThree · 02/07/2023 01:00

I won't know or care! I'll be dead! He can do whatever makes him happy

mrsfollowill · 02/07/2023 01:01

Yes- I would want him to be happy! The only caveat being she was kind to our autistic young adult son and he always looked after DS. DH has 3 brothers and one was sadly widowed a few years ago- He moved on very quickly- within six months- but is happy- no kids involved and having a ball. Life is for the living.

caringcarer · 02/07/2023 01:03

I love him too much to wish him on his own forever. I'd want him to find love again but still remember me with love.

Ponderingwindow · 02/07/2023 01:04

I would hope he might find another romantic partner. A financial partner would upset me. I want our assets to be dedicated to raising our child and left exclusively to her.

lunar1 · 02/07/2023 01:04

I would, but honestly, keep them away from my Kids. They don't have long left being children, be patient and don't make them live with a woman who just tolerated them.

sausage767 · 02/07/2023 01:04

Absolutely. And there would probably be a line out the door because he’s a great bloke.

Original poster
Addicted2LoveIsland · 02/07/2023 01:04

I find it interesting that some of you feel it's "lonely and sad forever." I say this because I feel you don't necessarily have to feel lonely and sad if you feel you met your match and have lost them and don't necessarily need/want to start a relationship again.

I have a friend who lost her husband a few years ago and isn't really interested in dating or anything. She definitely isn't miserable or anything. It just had me thinking about this topic today.

OP posts:
Totaly · 02/07/2023 01:07

I would never marry again, or even be that interested in another man - it’s too much like hard work, however - I wouldn’t take his choice away if that’s what he wanted.

LessonLearnedOrLearnt · 02/07/2023 01:12

After Helen McCrory's death, her husband wrote: "She said to us from her bed: 'I want Daddy to have girlfriends, lots of them, you must all love again, love isn't possessive, but you know, Damian, try at least to get through the funeral without snogging someone'."

LessonLearnedOrLearnt · 02/07/2023 01:14

What about you, OP?

DreamTheMoors · 02/07/2023 01:17

My silly ex didn’t wait for me to die.

Doggydarling · 02/07/2023 01:18

I've warned my husband that if I die first he has 1 year and 1 day to grieve, after that I expect him to be out and meeting others hopefully finding someone nice to enjoy time with and to marry again if he fancies, I've told him I'll haunt him if he doesn't get out and enjoy himself. He's a lovely man and I love him dearly but I know he's the type who does better with a partner. I've a good friend who lost his wife suddenly within a few months of getting married, they were only in their 20's, he's now in his mid 50's and while he has dated and had one longish relationship he is now alone and has been for around 10 years, in his eyes no one has measured up to his late wife, I wish he had been able to accept her death and yet continue to live his life, he is a very lonely man now.