Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH helps himself to other people’s things without asking

432 replies

Fubar01 · 01/07/2023 23:23

At the end of my tether with DH he is constantly taking other family
me stuff without asking and either
lies that it was him or says he will replace it but doesn’t!
I’m at the end of my tether ! It can be anything like taking a chocolate bar or a can of drink to lifting change off the side.
He just doesn’t understand why I get so annoyed about it and I’m seriously considering asking him to leave .

OP posts:
Original poster
Fubar01 · 01/07/2023 23:24

members

OP posts:
AtomicBlondeRose · 01/07/2023 23:27

Is he the same with his own stuff? Because I can see how it’s massively annoying - my DP can be like this but he is the kind of guy who would give you the last bite of his burger or the last pound from his pocket so it’s not like he’s expecting something from me he wouldn’t give in return.

If not it’s just greedy selfishness.

Original poster
Fubar01 · 01/07/2023 23:32

AtomicBlondeRose · 01/07/2023 23:27

Is he the same with his own stuff? Because I can see how it’s massively annoying - my DP can be like this but he is the kind of guy who would give you the last bite of his burger or the last pound from his pocket so it’s not like he’s expecting something from me he wouldn’t give in return.

If not it’s just greedy selfishness.

i was raised that you don’t take other people’s things without asking or being offered first . I wouldn’t help myself, he doesn’t seem to have those same valves.
i have asked him why he does it and he just says “ because I wanted it” . It’s a real problem in our relationship.

OP posts:
P1ckledonionz · 01/07/2023 23:39

So he is honest that he is driven by selfishness and does not care to consider anyone else's feelings/wishes.

Sounds like he sees no problem with that and has no intention to be less selfish/more considerate.

I'd say he's not relationship material... unless you think a one-way dynamics that revolves around one person counts as a "relationship".

massiveclamps · 01/07/2023 23:40

He takes your chocolate? Oh no no no no. Big mistake. Big.

Bananatoastie · 01/07/2023 23:42

He's your husband... don't you share things?

Original poster
Fubar01 · 01/07/2023 23:43

massiveclamps · 01/07/2023 23:40

He takes your chocolate? Oh no no no no. Big mistake. Big.

It’s not really about what he takes , it’s more about the fact he sees nothing wrong with it. And lies about it too .

OP posts:
Groutyonehereagain · 01/07/2023 23:45

Bananatoastie · 01/07/2023 23:42

He's your husband... don't you share things?

Don’t be so naïve!

Original poster
Fubar01 · 01/07/2023 23:45

Bananatoastie · 01/07/2023 23:42

He's your husband... don't you share things?

Of course we share things , but i always ask first.

OP posts:
Milkand2sugarsplease · 01/07/2023 23:46

Start taking his things and see how he likes it.

To be fair, we don't tend to have our own things in the cupboards so we just share but I'd be bloody pissed off if I did end up with something I'd specifically bought for myself and it was taken without me knowing.

Chowtime · 01/07/2023 23:48

Start doing it back to him. Starting with his phone chargers and razors. Just take them.

Original poster
Fubar01 · 01/07/2023 23:49

Milkand2sugarsplease · 01/07/2023 23:46

Start taking his things and see how he likes it.

To be fair, we don't tend to have our own things in the cupboards so we just share but I'd be bloody pissed off if I did end up with something I'd specifically bought for myself and it was taken without me knowing.

i was bought a bottle of wine as a gift and he opened it and drank half the bottle without asking if he could have some ! I would have happily given him some if he had asked .

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 01/07/2023 23:49

Has he always been like this?

Original poster
Fubar01 · 01/07/2023 23:50

Chowtime · 01/07/2023 23:48

Start doing it back to him. Starting with his phone chargers and razors. Just take them.

i do and have done in the
past , but then I feel like I’m being petty and stooping to his level .

OP posts:
Original poster
Fubar01 · 01/07/2023 23:51

Aquamarine1029 · 01/07/2023 23:49

Has he always been like this?

Yep , it’s been a constant battle between us for much of our relationship. He can be so kind in other ways but
he hides things he buys for himself and then takes other people’s stuff.

OP posts:
YetMoreNewBeginnings · 01/07/2023 23:52

Even if he originally thought it was ok - he knows you don’t like it so it’s massively disrespectful to keep doing it.

Basic manners, and how necessary they view them, towards a spouse, parent or child tells you a lot about a person imo.

Milkand2sugarsplease · 01/07/2023 23:52

@Fubar01 no, that's not on.

Start playing him at his own game, even if you don't actually eat or drink whatever you take, just prove the point that when something he's looking kg forward to isn't there it's bloody annoying.

If he's not willing to stop knowing it pisses you off then you've got bigger problems than him taking your stuff. He should fe willing to stop because it's annoying you, even if he can't see why.

DelphiniumBlue · 01/07/2023 23:53

The fact that he lies about it shows he does know he's in the wrong, otherwise he'd own up.
Maybe you need to make it more obvious to him that it's a real turn off and a potential deal breaker. If he lies to you about the little stuff, how can you trust him on anything?

Original poster
Fubar01 · 01/07/2023 23:55

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 01/07/2023 23:52

Even if he originally thought it was ok - he knows you don’t like it so it’s massively disrespectful to keep doing it.

Basic manners, and how necessary they view them, towards a spouse, parent or child tells you a lot about a person imo.

I’ve said this to him , he should care enough about me that if it annoys me he should just stop . Sadly it goes in
one ear and out the other !

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 01/07/2023 23:57

Fubar01 · 01/07/2023 23:51

Yep , it’s been a constant battle between us for much of our relationship. He can be so kind in other ways but
he hides things he buys for himself and then takes other people’s stuff.

Show quote history

I just don't understand this at all, sorry. You married him knowing he was like this. This isn't some normal, minor character flaw. He's selfish, a thief and a liar. How can you possibly be married to a man like this?

Original poster
Fubar01 · 01/07/2023 23:57

DelphiniumBlue · 01/07/2023 23:53

The fact that he lies about it shows he does know he's in the wrong, otherwise he'd own up.
Maybe you need to make it more obvious to him that it's a real turn off and a potential deal breaker. If he lies to you about the little stuff, how can you trust him on anything?

He said to me that because we are married we should share everything so I asked if I could borrow his golf clubs and he was horrified! 🤣

OP posts:
Original poster
Fubar01 · 01/07/2023 23:59

Aquamarine1029 · 01/07/2023 23:57

I just don't understand this at all, sorry. You married him knowing he was like this. This isn't some normal, minor character flaw. He's selfish, a thief and a liar. How can you possibly be married to a man like this?

Show quote history

Because In every other way he is a good husband and father. But I get where you are coming from.

OP posts:
Ginger1982 · 02/07/2023 00:01

So he's basically an admitted thief?

Original poster
Fubar01 · 02/07/2023 00:04

Ginger1982 · 02/07/2023 00:01

So he's basically an admitted thief?

He doesn’t see it as him being a thrift , but I’ve told him taking things without asking is just that !

OP posts:
Original poster
Fubar01 · 02/07/2023 00:05

Fubar01 · 02/07/2023 00:04

He doesn’t see it as him being a thrift , but I’ve told him taking things without asking is just that !

Show quote history

Sorry. Thief

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread