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Original poster

DH helps himself to other people’s things without asking

432 replies

Fubar01 · 01/07/2023 23:23

At the end of my tether with DH he is constantly taking other family
me stuff without asking and either
lies that it was him or says he will replace it but doesn’t!
I’m at the end of my tether ! It can be anything like taking a chocolate bar or a can of drink to lifting change off the side.
He just doesn’t understand why I get so annoyed about it and I’m seriously considering asking him to leave .

OP posts:
Rainbowqueeen · 02/07/2023 00:06

Borrow the golf clubs. Take them out for the day on a day when he normally plays. Lie about it

Then read him the riot act. Tell him that he is constantly making you feel like that when he takes your stuff, that you feel that he doesn’t care at all about you because if he did he would stop behaving in this way and you are seriously considering ending the marriage if he does not change his ways.

Milkand2sugarsplease · 02/07/2023 00:07

Because you're married you should share everything?? Apart from the stuff he hides that he doesn't want to share?? Nice to see he loves by his own rule book.

Original poster
Fubar01 · 02/07/2023 00:11

Rainbowqueeen · 02/07/2023 00:06

Borrow the golf clubs. Take them out for the day on a day when he normally plays. Lie about it

Then read him the riot act. Tell him that he is constantly making you feel like that when he takes your stuff, that you feel that he doesn’t care at all about you because if he did he would stop behaving in this way and you are seriously considering ending the marriage if he does not change his ways.

I did exactly that, I told him that as far as I’m concerned our marriage is over and listed all the reasons why. He just doesn’t understand why I feel the way I do and why it’s a problem.

OP posts:
gazpachosoupday · 02/07/2023 00:11

I would be taking the golf clubs and if he kept doing it, I would be taking them down to mini golf with the kids and using them

Are you a stay at home parent by any chance?

LittleOwl153 · 02/07/2023 00:11

Fubar01 · 01/07/2023 23:51

Yep , it’s been a constant battle between us for much of our relationship. He can be so kind in other ways but
he hides things he buys for himself and then takes other people’s stuff.

Show quote history

The very facts that he LIES about taking stuff and HIDES his own stuff so no one can take it tells me this is a power play. Its no accident, no usual occurrence from childhood- its calculated. He knows what he's doing he just doesn't care enough about you / your kids to be bothered to respect you.

QueenOfThe20StoneAge · 02/07/2023 00:11

He hides things he's bought for himself and then takes other people's stuff

So not only is he annoying beyond belief, he's a sneaky, selfish twat.

Original poster
Fubar01 · 02/07/2023 00:15

gazpachosoupday · 02/07/2023 00:11

I would be taking the golf clubs and if he kept doing it, I would be taking them down to mini golf with the kids and using them

Are you a stay at home parent by any chance?

Can I ask why you’re asking ?

OP posts:
YetMoreNewBeginnings · 02/07/2023 00:20

Fubar01 · 02/07/2023 00:15

Can I ask why you’re asking ?

Show quote history

Because a good number of men who have SAHP’s as a partner see everything as theirs because “I paid for it”.

it’s a frequent issue on threads about respect on here.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 02/07/2023 00:20

I’d bet

suburbophobe · 02/07/2023 00:23

he hides things he buys for himself and then takes other people’s stuff.

I wouldn't feel at all comfortable to be in a relationship with someone like this.
There's no trust.

Original poster
Fubar01 · 02/07/2023 00:24

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 02/07/2023 00:20

Because a good number of men who have SAHP’s as a partner see everything as theirs because “I paid for it”.

it’s a frequent issue on threads about respect on here.

Show quote history

Ah I see ! No I work . He just thinks that because we are married that everything no matter who bought it and what they bought it for is fair game .

OP posts:
DaftyLass · 02/07/2023 00:27

Does he ever acknowledge that it upsets you?

Original poster
Fubar01 · 02/07/2023 00:32

DaftyLass · 02/07/2023 00:27

Does he ever acknowledge that it upsets you?

He acknowledges that I’m upset but not what has upset me. He just doesn’t understand why it’s a problem.

OP posts:
Freefall212 · 02/07/2023 00:36

If these are things in his own home, it isn't theft. If he is helping himself to other people's items in other homes without asking, that is theft.

I certainly don't ask my spouse before taking a can of drink or some chocolate or the change on the table. We do share within the home.

Monty27 · 02/07/2023 00:43

Chocolate and wine are sacrosanct. He knows nothing.
Next birthday buy him shower and bath stuff that you love or simply LTB. Easy.

theresastormcoming · 02/07/2023 00:52

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

IHateLegDay · 02/07/2023 00:52

Put the whole man in the bin.

gazpachosoupday · 02/07/2023 00:57

Fubar01 · 02/07/2023 00:24

Ah I see ! No I work . He just thinks that because we are married that everything no matter who bought it and what they bought it for is fair game .

Show quote history

I see someone else who was thinking the same as me has explained.

There is still a massive disrespect to you, as its not the fact that you are married and everything is fair game, its very much a what's yours is mine and what's mine is my own issue

AcrossthePond55 · 02/07/2023 01:20

"I told him that as far as I’m concerned our marriage is over and listed all the reasons why. He just doesn’t understand why I feel the way I do and why it’s a problem."

@Fubar01
*
Quit trying to make him understand.* He doesn't care to understand. If you feel your marriage is over, then take the appropriate action. Leave or tell him to leave. *

Personally I think he sounds sociopathic.* He does something he knows is wrong (hiding his own stuff shows he understands 'property rights') but because he wants whatever it is, he just doesn't give a shit. *

And I'd call him on it loudly if I saw him doing it in public. *

Fraaahnces · 02/07/2023 01:22

He knows to lie about it, so he knows it’s wrong.

Mumsanetta · 02/07/2023 01:25

Fubar01 · 01/07/2023 23:59

Because In every other way he is a good husband and father. But I get where you are coming from.

Show quote history

He’s a good husband and father other than being selfish, a liar and a thief?

@Fubar01, imagine your favourite type of sandwich, made by your favourite chef in one of those fancy hotel lounges. Your sandwich is put in front of you and the waitress says “sorry, it’s got a tiny bit of shit in it but it’s perfect in every other way”. Would you still eat it? How about if it was just a 1/4 teaspoon of shit? How much is too much shit in your sandwich? Or is even the smallest piece of shit too much?

Your DH isn’t a good husband and father.

Mumsanetta · 02/07/2023 01:28

Fubar01 · 02/07/2023 00:24

Ah I see ! No I work . He just thinks that because we are married that everything no matter who bought it and what they bought it for is fair game .

Show quote history

Only that’s not what he actually thinks - he hides stuff and didn’t want to share his golf clubs. What’s yours is his and what’s his is his.

Topseyt123 · 02/07/2023 01:29

Bananatoastie · 01/07/2023 23:42

He's your husband... don't you share things?

Don't be silly. Something I've bought and might be counting on having later is mine. Same for him if he bought it.

Not everything has to be shared, so no, we don't. We respect each other's boundaries.

Bristoluser · 02/07/2023 01:32

Until you said he hides his stuff I thought he just didn't think. But he's not behaving like that.

On the other hand just tonight my husband was complaining that my son had nicked his clothes while I've complained that his daughters have nicked mine over years! (Not the same I know but shows how sometimes we can't see something until it affects us). So maybe as others have said you just something really inconvenient of his like his phone and just start using it.

Bristoluser · 02/07/2023 01:34

Golf clubs, last bit of milk/bread/toilet paper, phone, car, house keys...