Boyfriend crying because of me,am I really horrible?

[redsblacksoranges]

So today

Posted too soon ...

From the title the answer is no. You can't control his reaction, you can only decide what you want to do.

I think that's a little premature... maybe she just ate his hamster.

Or shit in his cornflakes

It's coming up to my birthday
A few months ago I asked boyfriend to put a few days in from work so we could go to a gig with my fav band (a few hours from home )
He did book the days off but said it would cost too much to go ,tickets ,hotel etc .
So he said we can do something else.
So last week I was looking at things
Suggested a few days in Spain and he said too expensive.
Bare in mind after bills etc we have £1,500 left -so we aren't exactly on the breadline.
So last week he was at work I found a b&b in Blackpool that was £100 for two nights including breakfast.
I sent him the link.
He said he would look when he got home.
He got home and was on his phone (I thought he was booking Blackpool ) he showed me he had literally just booked a hotel in our city and a Sunday lunch at a nearby restaurant.
I jokingly said "did you quickly book that to stop me booking anything else ?"
He got mad and said no
He hasn't paid just precooked ,pay on arrival.

Yesterday I got a card off my aunty with £200 ticket master gift card.
I got excited and looked at hotel prices and trains (it worked out same as hotel in town and the Sunday lunch with cocktails would be £80)
I didn't book ,I just spoke to him about it

He got mad then cried.
Saying I had hurt him,he's plan wasn't good enough clearly for him.
I am selfish and want more more more.
He cancelled the hotel and Sunday lunch booking and told me to go to work as he didn't want to talk.
I tried ringing he just said he doesn't want to do anything now.

I feel so horrible
Was what I did so nasty ?

@SquirrelSoShiny @Arewehumanorarewecupboards
😂that would be a drip feed! But my point still stands. We are taught from a very young age that "making" people cry means we are bad people, but that is just a people pleasers charter!
Take care.

He needs to get a grip.
unless it turns out he has some massive surprise and you need to be in the city for it, but even then you couldn’t know, so crying and blaming you is stupid.

so you want to go away for your birthday, you think you can afford it, you’re willing find it, book it, and to pay for it for both of you? And he’s crying?

does he have some money issues you’re not aware of potentially?

This one isn't a keeper OP. He sounds like there's a lot more going on and that you are much more open to experience than him. Life is too short.

OP- he is anxious about going away for some reason not clear to anyone, you are keenly going ahead and he is trying to put the brakes on it, you think that in a relationship a good partner doesn't let the other get upset, neither of you are having a conversation about the real issue which is whatever makes him worried about going away (it's probably not the money)
And no you're not a bad person and neither is he.

He has no issue with going away
We went away last month to meet up with his friends he hasn't seen for a while

You might then start saying he has anxiety / neurodivergence/ major work stress / something else but you honestly just sound fundamentally incompatible. He wants to stay very close to home and completely override your wishes then retreats. It's ok for you to state your needs and wishes.

I mean he has an issue with that specific trip, not necessarily in general.
The point is you and he are both missing the real issue
Maybe it's not an issue you are interested in dealing with, that is fine, and either way neither of you are bad people

Book something and take someone else. He doesn't want to go for whatever reason. I'm guessing he hasn't booked the time off work needed for a few days away. Book the gig!

Yes no issue going away on HIS terms to see HIS friends. His wants and needs are the important thing. Yeah nah.

Walk away @redsblacksoranges . It all sounds too much like hard work.

No he deffo has the days off

Maybe he has booked the gig, but I wouldn't be holding my breath.

He half-assed the trip without even consulting you on where to go, then got teary when you tried to book a proper getaway? No this isn't you, it's him. I'd honestly reconsider the relationship over this, because while it seems relatively minor, if he's like this over something so small, what will he be like about bigger things?

Too much drama and clearly his feelings and wants are more important in his head than yours.

No he deffo hasn't booked it
I feel a bit gutted tbh I really wanted to go
It was anything I wanted to do next week,he said no.

Was I wrong to look at prices for hotels when he had booked the Sunday lunch ?
He said it was sly

Go without him.

Whats the point in a hotel and sunday lunch? Thats not a birthday celebration if it's not what you want.

He is manipulating you, using tears to get his own way. Take your voucher and go away for the weekend on your own and have a great time. Take him with you and he will act like a toddler the whole time.

No you weren't wrong. What was different about you looking at hotel prices than him looking at hotel prices in a different town to the one you'd said you wanted to go to then booking it? Surely what HE did was sly if anyone was?

If I were you, I'd go with a friend. His whinging and crying will just ruin your birthday.