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Original poster

Boyfriend crying because of me,am I really horrible?

404 replies

redsblacksoranges · 28/06/2023 09:46

So today

OP posts:
Xeren · 28/06/2023 10:42

This would give me the ick!

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 28/06/2023 10:43

OP, you've been together three years. He now feels safe enough to show who he really is.

Whattodowithit88 · 28/06/2023 10:43

It’s your birthday, he wants it to be in a shit hotel with a Sunday lunch, fine for most but not in line with what you want and being as it’s your birthday and can be afforded I’m not sure what his issue is, sounds like he enjoys making you feel like shit then reversing it so his the victim. Get rid of him and go find someone better whose up for the life you want.

Return2thebasic · 28/06/2023 10:45

Make a list of occasions like this. Start now.

As the list piles longer and longer, physically in black and white in front of your own eyes, you might sooner come to term that this is an unhealthy relationship and you want to get out from it.

ShinyPikachu · 28/06/2023 10:46

redsblacksoranges · 28/06/2023 10:16

I love him but everything is on his terms
We have been together 3 years and live together.

A relationship should be a partnership, not a dictatorship.

Have you ever done anything that you've picked without him moaning about it in some way? My ex was like that and that's one of the reasons he is now an ex, it was one of the signs of a lot worse from him.

Fraaahnces · 28/06/2023 10:47

Tell him he’s right. It’s not good enough. He needs to stop being a manipulative little sook and book something you would like.

sonjadog · 28/06/2023 10:47

Who wants to go stay in a hotel in the town where they live?? He sounds shit, OP. Self-absorbed and manipulative. Wanting to do things you enjoy and looking them up online does not make you "sly", it makes you a normal person.

This is not the guy for you. He is not going to suddenly turn into a considerable and generous partner. This is as good as it gets, and it sounds pretty miserable. Celebrate your birthday with people who you have fun with.

Mylifeislikeaboatrace · 28/06/2023 10:47

He needs a bitch slap and told to grow up FFS crying ?? There's the door, close it on the way out.

Ellie56 · 28/06/2023 10:48

redsblacksoranges · 28/06/2023 10:16

I love him but everything is on his terms
We have been together 3 years and live together.

This isn't a loving relationship. He is a self absorbed twat. You can do better than this and you deserve better. I would dump him and move on.

Limer · 28/06/2023 10:48

redsblacksoranges · 28/06/2023 10:16

I love him but everything is on his terms
We have been together 3 years and live together.

Well, it's pretty clear he doesn't love you. He doesn't even like you.

Ditch him ASAP.

Yikesno · 28/06/2023 10:48

Surely you must know yourself that he's a big manipulative baby and the way he's treating you is not normal or acceptable. I wouldn't bother making a list - I'd be making a plan to get away from him ASAP.

Twiglets1 · 28/06/2023 10:49

He's a manipulator and sounds awful. I would see this behaviour as a big red flag. Trying to make you feel guilty for wanting to choose to do something nice for your Birthday.

MammaTo · 28/06/2023 10:49

Book the concert with your friend and go!!

Scruffthemagicdragon · 28/06/2023 10:49

You really should listen to the people who are saying to end this relationship as it will only get worse.

He's not just being a bit selfish, he is being manipulative and controlling.

Won't do what you want. Completely ignores your suggestions and preferences. Then punishes you and says it's all your fault. Your life will be miserable if you stay with him.

WitcheryDivine · 28/06/2023 10:50

redsblacksoranges · 28/06/2023 10:37

It's the malmaison in Newcastle
At first when we met he would be up for loads of things but now it's like everything I suggest is shot down.
He wants to go see the foo fighters next year.
I will go with him,even tho I don't know a song.
He wanted to see pink -I got him tickets
Don't get me wrong he does things for me too,but only if he wants to do those things

He knew I wanted a couple of days away next week
I was happy with a £100 b&b in Blackpool-not like I wanted the ritz

I think this is it mate, you're seeing him clearly. One of you in the relationship is supportive of the other ones likes and dislikes, and will join in with things the other one enjoys to make sure they have a good time. The other one... just won't reciprocate. That's a fundamental imbalance and one that isn't going to go away because at bottom it's about whether he wants to make you happy or not - and the answer is not. He's got a basic selfishness about him.

I'm not saying you ALWAYS have to go along with what your partner wants to do and there are plenty of things DP would enjoy that I gently suggest he could go to with a mate instead, but I don't try to hijack his own plans for his birthday and plan something deeply crap that suits me - SPECIFICALLY TO BLOCK HIS PLANS. I mean, that's some dark shit isn't it.

TR888 · 28/06/2023 10:50

This is not good, OP. Not your fault at all! You've got the disposable income and your original plans were completely within your means. Unless there's some debt issue we don't know about, his reaction is manipulative and his tears are out of frustration with not getting his own, right way.

Is he incredibly fantastic in other ways? If not, please reconsider this - because he's not going to change.

Imagine a different relationship where you can enjoy life and do exciting stuff. You can have that! But you're not letting yourself live your life to the full with Mr Scrooge for a boyfriend.

candalf · 28/06/2023 10:50

Please, ditch this guy and find someone who actually wants to enjoy life with you.

This guy is selfish and a fun sponge. There's no future in this - well, there is, and it's a miserable one. Run!!

whatsappdoc · 28/06/2023 10:50

So at least three of your suggestions were shot down/ignored. Did you cry? And yet he's crying over some shitty panic booking of a local hotel. He's an arse.

LuckySantangelo35 · 28/06/2023 10:51

How have you not got the ick OP?

HoppingPavlova · 28/06/2023 10:51

A few months ago I asked boyfriend to put a few days in from work so we could go to a gig with my fav band (a few hours from home)

Well, that would have done me in up front. A few days off for something a few hours away and involving a Sunday? I’d imagine I’d have blinked like an owl if DH suggested that to me. Unless you are turning 100yo it all seems a bit much tbh. And Spain, for a birthday? I’d be crying to if I thought this was setting the scene for life to come.

Sunnydaysaredefhere · 28/06/2023 10:52

Op you can see he is training you to put up and shut up can't you? My dh ruined every occasion that wasn't about him. Even my 40th.. He was an exh before I was 41.. Life was fab after that.
And yours can be too.

TheOrigRights · 28/06/2023 10:54

johnd2 · 28/06/2023 09:55

@SquirrelSoShiny @Arewehumanorarewecupboards
😂that would be a drip feed! But my point still stands. We are taught from a very young age that "making" people cry means we are bad people, but that is just a people pleasers charter!
Take care.

That's a bit of a sweeping statement.

If I told you I hated your guts, that you were ugly and stank, and then you cried, I'm pretty sure most people would say I was a bad person for doing that.

If I had to cancel a meal out because I'd been bereaved and you started crying about how selfish I was, that would not make me a bad person.

EmmaEmerald · 28/06/2023 10:56

I'm honestly lost at what happened here
How does he benefit from having tears or hissy fit over this?

The only thing I can think of is he doesn't want to go anywhere but didn't want to be honest about it. My default position is always to stay at home but then I'd be honest and say if I wasn't up for doing something.

PragmaticWench · 28/06/2023 10:57

He's emotionally manipulative and childish when things aren't exactly as he wants them. For some reason he doesn't want you to do anything that you want to do. I'd suggest he doesn't really value you much.

He sounds tiresome, life is too short for emotional manipulation from a supposed adult.