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Original poster

Boyfriend crying because of me,am I really horrible?

404 replies

redsblacksoranges · 28/06/2023 09:46

So today

OP posts:
AHugeTinyMistake · 28/06/2023 10:17

Ugh, get rid of him

It's YOUR birthday, you should do what you want to and he should be happy to make that happen

Instead what he has done is shit all over your plans, make you feel bad and not enjoy the trip you wanted to go on

He's a fun sponge and an attention seeker.

Don't give him the satisfaction of being upset.

ReluctantFishLady · 28/06/2023 10:17

Everything shouldn't be on his terms, and your birthday certainly shouldn't be about what he wants to do. Is this the future you want?

BiscuitsandPuffin · 28/06/2023 10:18

redsblacksoranges · 28/06/2023 10:13

You know what I feel sad now that I probably wouldn't enjoy it
Sad as it sounds I had my headphones on this morning listening to my music getting all excited thinking about it
Didn't have a clue he would object

This is the result he wanted. To take your hopes and dreams and crush them. To make you feel bad about going to do the one thing you really wanted to do for your birthday. Don't be sad. Be angry. How dare he treat you this way?

He is already trying to make you miserable and put you in your place. This is your birthday, you should be able to choose how you celebrate, not feel guilty or obliged to do something you don't want to do or worried about upsetting him.

Frogmila · 28/06/2023 10:18

He's manipulative and pathetic. Why should you put on a happy face and pretend it's special to have Sunday lunch locally when you've already said you want to see a band or have a weekend away (which you can afford and have the leave to do). Do you have a friend who would come to the band with you? I would drop this drippy, tightfisted fella ASAP.

WitcheryDivine · 28/06/2023 10:18

redsblacksoranges · 28/06/2023 10:09

He's sent me a text saying
"If you want to go ,go
I don't want to go to (hotel name ) now because it won't feel special like I had planned it now-you've made sure to ruin that "

Seriously when did you last hear this tone? Primary school? "I don't even want to play with you now, you've ruined it."

He's doing a marvellous job of making sure your birthday is all about HIM, and he's guilting you so you're on the back foot and probably hoping you'll be so muddled by his stupid overreaction that you feel you have to make it up to him.

Bet this isn't the first time he's guilt tripped you about doing something perfectly ordinary, or tried to ruin a nice occasion for you.

ReluctantFishLady · 28/06/2023 10:18

And trust me, you can learn to love again.

johnd2 · 28/06/2023 10:19

redsblacksoranges · 28/06/2023 10:09

He's sent me a text saying
"If you want to go ,go
I don't want to go to (hotel name ) now because it won't feel special like I had planned it now-you've made sure to ruin that "

That is not healthy at all!

That response reminds me of when I took a toy off my pre schooler this morning, and the screamed in anger about 5 times then came over and hit me a few times and then collapsed in me in a huge pile of emotion out of control.
But he's only just been alive since your relationship started!!

Somanycats · 28/06/2023 10:19

See I don't think we are meant to bludgeon anyone into doing what we want. It sounds like you have been chivvying him about your birthday when he actually has no desire to do what you are suggesting for whatever reason. Don't do it. Just say 'sounds like you are not interested in the gig so I'm going to go with freind/on my own for my birthday '. Let him arrange what he wants for your birthday. If it's rubbish or indeed nothing at all, tell him or leave him. Stop trying to negotiate with him.

Mumofnarnia · 28/06/2023 10:20

gannett · 28/06/2023 10:09

This sounds exhausting. You're not on the same page financially as you seem to think you can afford a getaway easily while it's making him anxious. And yes, you tried to override the gift he actually did book for you because you didn't think it was good enough, and you made that screamingly obvious.

If you don't think his gifts are good enough you're free to leave him but it's rude to override it.

I would agree with you that she had over ridden the gift he had booked for her IF she hadn’t actually specified where she wanted to go for her own birthday but he has made it blatantly obvious that her wants and needs are not important! But she stated what she wanted and he seems to have gone out of his way to ruin op’s birthday. Yet it was ok for him to go away to see a friend who he hasn’t seen in a long time. He seems completely selfish if you ask me. I’m sorry but a localish hotel with a Sunday lunch is fine… if that’s what op wanted for her birthday but she stated she wanted to go to a gig. He then claimed that it was too expensive (even though it wasn’t too expensive for him to go away to visit a friend). Op then tried to find a cheaper alternative which HE decided to then override, presumably to do something that HE wanted to do rather than thinking about the op. And now he’s crying because it’s not what she wanted for her birthday. She already told him what she wanted, she isn’t overriding any gift he booked for her.

TequilaNights · 28/06/2023 10:21

Oh he's a top manipulator.

Find a friend and go with them, leave him at home to go to his Sunday lunch!

Cubsandmiel · 28/06/2023 10:21

To be honest I’m still stuck at a poo in cornflakes. I think they would stick quite evenly.

WalkingThroughTreacle · 28/06/2023 10:21

Sometimes people cry because they are genuinely upset. Other times, they use it as they did as a child to garner sympathy and get their own way. This case sounds very much like the latter to me.

I entirely get that there may be reasons why he is against spending a lot of money but his reaction is incredibly immature and indicative of his true nature. You'd be better setting your sights on finding someone who might actually give you an adult relationship. Yes I know that's yet another LTB but life is too short to waste time trying to polish turds.

pillsthrillsandbellyache · 28/06/2023 10:21

He is showing you who he is loud and clear. You are clinging on to a man who shows you repeatedly that he doesn't care what you want. Why do you think this is all you are worth? If you stay with him it's going to be a long, hard life. Up to you but it is a choice you are making.

BiscuitsandPuffin · 28/06/2023 10:23

Somanycats · 28/06/2023 10:19

See I don't think we are meant to bludgeon anyone into doing what we want. It sounds like you have been chivvying him about your birthday when he actually has no desire to do what you are suggesting for whatever reason. Don't do it. Just say 'sounds like you are not interested in the gig so I'm going to go with freind/on my own for my birthday '. Let him arrange what he wants for your birthday. If it's rubbish or indeed nothing at all, tell him or leave him. Stop trying to negotiate with him.

Relationships shouldn't need this level of treading on eggshells. She should be able to say "I want to do X" on her birthday without being emotionally manipulated by an immature manchild into not doing what she wants, and in fact doing what he wants instead. Why should she "let him arrange what he wants" for HER birthday? It's her birthday not his.

Yikesno · 28/06/2023 10:25

If you stay with this loser he'll do his best to make you a small, miserable person who is under his control. Please don't choose that life for yourself.

Amtheyest17 · 28/06/2023 10:25

You did nothing wrong in this situation - he sounds incredibly manipulative OP. His behaviour has ruined YOUR birthday and he’s blaming YOU. Easier said than done but I would honestly run, you sound like you deserve more - may be wrong but I suspect you could regale us with numerous stories of this kind of behaviour from him.

Barold · 28/06/2023 10:25

Mumofnarnia · 28/06/2023 10:20

I would agree with you that she had over ridden the gift he had booked for her IF she hadn’t actually specified where she wanted to go for her own birthday but he has made it blatantly obvious that her wants and needs are not important! But she stated what she wanted and he seems to have gone out of his way to ruin op’s birthday. Yet it was ok for him to go away to see a friend who he hasn’t seen in a long time. He seems completely selfish if you ask me. I’m sorry but a localish hotel with a Sunday lunch is fine… if that’s what op wanted for her birthday but she stated she wanted to go to a gig. He then claimed that it was too expensive (even though it wasn’t too expensive for him to go away to visit a friend). Op then tried to find a cheaper alternative which HE decided to then override, presumably to do something that HE wanted to do rather than thinking about the op. And now he’s crying because it’s not what she wanted for her birthday. She already told him what she wanted, she isn’t overriding any gift he booked for her.

Show quote history

This! I was just trying to muster up some energy to think of some words but you’ve articulated perfectly. I don’t understand how anyone is seeing OP as the one in the wrong!

MzHz · 28/06/2023 10:25

redsblacksoranges · 28/06/2023 10:06

Was I wrong to look at prices for hotels when he had booked the Sunday lunch ?
He said it was sly

But what he booked wasn't remotely what you wanted to do!

Red flags here love, get your band tickets, invite a mate and tell him to buck his ideas up, or get lost. You don't put up with manipulative BS

Specso · 28/06/2023 10:26

redsblacksoranges · 28/06/2023 10:16

I love him but everything is on his terms
We have been together 3 years and live together.

And that’s how it will always be. People who want everything their way all the time never change in my experience.

If you’re not up for that and I wouldn’t be especially if there are no kids/marriage involved I’d split now and look for someone you’re more suited to. Staying with him is a waste of your time when you could be enjoying gigs and weekends away with your friends stress free.

ValerieDoonican · 28/06/2023 10:26

I love him but everything is on his terms

Just no. Are you a person as well, or not. Do you deserve an equal say, or not?

Spoiler: you are and you do. And now you know this, you have outgrown this relationship. Maybe he'll wake his ideas up and you can have a different, better relationship with him. Or maybe (probably a lot likelier)he will never accept he is doing anything wrong.

Either way, I wouldn't be putting up with things as they are. At least you are now wise to his manipulaive ways, so when he blames you for his awful behaviour and turns on the waterworks again, you can let it wash over and off you.

MzHz · 28/06/2023 10:26

Yikesno · 28/06/2023 10:25

If you stay with this loser he'll do his best to make you a small, miserable person who is under his control. Please don't choose that life for yourself.

This. Sadly.

Frankola · 28/06/2023 10:27

So he's happy to splash the cash swanning off to see his mates but not when it's your birthday and you've got something special in mind?

Get rid. He's a manipulator and pathetic.

TheSeaDoesntKnowMyName · 28/06/2023 10:27

redsblacksoranges · 28/06/2023 10:09

He's sent me a text saying
"If you want to go ,go
I don't want to go to (hotel name ) now because it won't feel special like I had planned it now-you've made sure to ruin that "

He got mad then cried.
Saying I had hurt him,he's plan wasn't good enough clearly for him.
I am selfish and want more more more.
He cancelled the hotel and Sunday lunch booking and told me to go to work as he didn't want to talk.
I tried ringing he just said he doesn't want to do anything now.

He is a manipulative twat

KirstenBlest · 28/06/2023 10:27

I love him but everything is on his terms
You love who you think he is. When things aren't on his terms he kicks off.

We have been together 3 years and live together.
Is this how you want to live your life? Everything on his terms. What about things like getting married and having children, or not - Everything on his terms then too?

Mirabai · 28/06/2023 10:28

What is the point of booking a hotel in the town in which you live?