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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Boyfriend crying because of me,am I really horrible?

404 replies

redsblacksoranges · 28/06/2023 09:46

So today

OP posts:
GiveOverRover · 28/06/2023 10:29

Why are you with him OP? Why are you in this relationship? Book the trip, take someone else, have a good time.

Mumofnarnia · 28/06/2023 10:30

Barold · 28/06/2023 10:25

This! I was just trying to muster up some energy to think of some words but you’ve articulated perfectly. I don’t understand how anyone is seeing OP as the one in the wrong!

Show quote history

Exactly! I don’t know why someone would try to make the op seem ungrateful for a gift he knew she didn’t want. Op has already stated that everything is on his terms. He is selfish, op is not ungrateful and has wants and needs just as much as he does.

MzHz · 28/06/2023 10:30

redsblacksoranges · 28/06/2023 10:11

@BookLover7777 deffo not going to propose ,he won't fork out for a ring

Why is THIS CRAP BLOKE all that you think you are worth? Who taught you that you were worth so little?

You know exactly what this guy is doing and it's making you miserable. HE is making you miserable, anxious and walking on broken glass. Fuck that shit.

Bin him, he is not good enough for you.

KirstenBlest · 28/06/2023 10:32

Mirabai · 28/06/2023 10:28

What is the point of booking a hotel in the town in which you live?

Maybe it was a rather grand hotel with some special event. Or maybe it was the local travelodge.

Ihatepickingausername3 · 28/06/2023 10:33

Fuck him. He is a waste of time and energy.

JimnJoyce · 28/06/2023 10:33

Op what is it you love about him?

Throwncrumbs · 28/06/2023 10:34

It’s all about him, I’m married to one of these, if he wants it he gets it, if it’s me, he will think about it and then the quintillions of reasons why it’s a no! I just do my own thing now because it’s a lot less hassle!

KirstenBlest · 28/06/2023 10:35

Maybe OP lives in a big city. There are only about 4 hotels in my town and all are within walking distance. I'm not sure I'd fancy an overnight stay in any of them.

johnd2 · 28/06/2023 10:35

redsblacksoranges · 28/06/2023 10:16

I love him but everything is on his terms
We have been together 3 years and live together.

And the million dollar question is does that suit you?
And if not, what is it in your upbringing that makes you feel like that is ok to tolerate?

Chasingadvice · 28/06/2023 10:37

He's crying so his refusal to do anything you'd even remotely like for your birthday is your fault. He doesn't want you to enjoy yourself. He wants to tear you down. Get rid of him before he sucks the life out of you.

You're already questioning if it's all your fault. It isn't.

Original poster
redsblacksoranges · 28/06/2023 10:37

It's the malmaison in Newcastle
At first when we met he would be up for loads of things but now it's like everything I suggest is shot down.
He wants to go see the foo fighters next year.
I will go with him,even tho I don't know a song.
He wanted to see pink -I got him tickets
Don't get me wrong he does things for me too,but only if he wants to do those things

He knew I wanted a couple of days away next week
I was happy with a £100 b&b in Blackpool-not like I wanted the ritz

OP posts:
SquirrelSoShiny · 28/06/2023 10:38

GoodChat · 28/06/2023 10:09

Or eat his hamster

Show quote history

😂

BaconMassive · 28/06/2023 10:38

He's controlling (in a weird way) and it'll only get worse.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 28/06/2023 10:39

I don't want to go to (hotel name ) now because it won't feel special like I had planned it now-you've made sure to ruin that "

Can you just check, OP, because it sounds like you're dating a petulant teenager. 'It won't feel special, you've made sure to ruin that'? passive aggressive twat.

3luckystars · 28/06/2023 10:39

He sounds tight.

HarpyValley · 28/06/2023 10:39

Mumofnarnia · 28/06/2023 10:20

I would agree with you that she had over ridden the gift he had booked for her IF she hadn’t actually specified where she wanted to go for her own birthday but he has made it blatantly obvious that her wants and needs are not important! But she stated what she wanted and he seems to have gone out of his way to ruin op’s birthday. Yet it was ok for him to go away to see a friend who he hasn’t seen in a long time. He seems completely selfish if you ask me. I’m sorry but a localish hotel with a Sunday lunch is fine… if that’s what op wanted for her birthday but she stated she wanted to go to a gig. He then claimed that it was too expensive (even though it wasn’t too expensive for him to go away to visit a friend). Op then tried to find a cheaper alternative which HE decided to then override, presumably to do something that HE wanted to do rather than thinking about the op. And now he’s crying because it’s not what she wanted for her birthday. She already told him what she wanted, she isn’t overriding any gift he booked for her.

Show quote history

This! OP downgraded her 'I'd enjoy doing this for my birthday' idea three times in response to his negativity before he overrode all of her suggestions by making a half-arsed effort that wasn't what OP wanted to do.

Chasingadvice · 28/06/2023 10:39

@redsblacksoranges 'he won't fork out for a ring' -
Do you enjoy being treated this way? Is this what you really want? Someone to suck the life out of you and take away everything you enjoy? Stop allowing it.

buddhasbelly · 28/06/2023 10:40

I’m not understanding how foo fighters and pink would be affordable to him but whatever artist you want to see is too expensive. Did Pink involve accommodation, travel etc?

HarrisJu · 28/06/2023 10:40

redsblacksoranges · 28/06/2023 10:37

It's the malmaison in Newcastle
At first when we met he would be up for loads of things but now it's like everything I suggest is shot down.
He wants to go see the foo fighters next year.
I will go with him,even tho I don't know a song.
He wanted to see pink -I got him tickets
Don't get me wrong he does things for me too,but only if he wants to do those things

He knew I wanted a couple of days away next week
I was happy with a £100 b&b in Blackpool-not like I wanted the ritz

You do know this behaviour will get worse and eventually you’ll resent him.
Dont debate or discuss just say this is what I’m doing for my birthday. You can come if you want but Im going to choose everything for two days.
His reaction will tell you everything.

SquirrelSoShiny · 28/06/2023 10:41

OK your last 3 posts make it quite clear he's a prick. You need to get out of this relationship now while you still know who you are and what you like. He's a manipulative fuckwit and he has been training you nicely into compliance. Time for the worm to turn.

LadyJ2023 · 28/06/2023 10:41

You want to go to a gig for your birthday and he basically won't let you. Thats kindof mean tbh. BTW obvious something else is going on with him you just need to find out what. Doing the hotel in home town is lame. Its not him should be hurt but it sure feels there's more to him than just this going on

redheadcurl · 28/06/2023 10:41

You bought him Pink tickets which I know were expensive and he is denying you £100 for 2 days away in Blackpool. Fuck that. He is unreasonable.

Whendoesmydietstart · 28/06/2023 10:41

I love him but everything is on his terms
We have been together 3 years and live together. this is the most important thing you have said. I don't know whether you were horrible, whether he is awkward, whether you have different communication styles or whether he is controlling, but if everything has to be on his terms otherwise he can't cope, then this isn't a health relationship with a positive future.

Return2thebasic · 28/06/2023 10:42

redsblacksoranges · 28/06/2023 10:16

I love him but everything is on his terms
We have been together 3 years and live together.

Big alarm.

People like this would hardly change. Some deep down personality issue.

DO YOU WANT TO SPEND THE REST IF YOUR LIFE LIVING ON HIS TERMS? it will get tiring and you WILL become resentful. And by the time you regret, many years would have passed.

pontipinemum · 28/06/2023 10:42

He sounds like he is using getting upset to make you feel bad so that you do what he wants.

Can you go to the gig with a friend? I think I'd be seriously considering if this is a man I want to stay with