38F and finding it difficult to get laid

[NeonSoda]

So here's the thing.

I'm a reasonably decent person (I try my best). I have a good and secure job in a field I'm extremely passionate about (it's charitable work). I own my own house. Have a decent education (I'm working on a PhD). I look after myself and my body. I have a smattering of interesting hobbies.

I'm not the greatest looking, but I'm not bad looking, and I never struggled to get laid when I was in my late twenties, nor when I was in an open relationship which I ended last year.

I have absolutely no problems making and maintaining meaningful friendships. I get on well with my coworkers and other acquaintances in my network.
I also go on fairly regular dates. At least a couple a month, mostly from online dating apps.

But I cannot seem to turn any dates or online chats into actual sex.

Ideally, I'm looking for ongoing hookups or a casual relationship with someone my age who lives nearish.

I'm genuinely starting to wonder if guys can sense that I'm perimenopausal. 😂

Where would you start trying to fix the problem if you were me?

No idea! I’m pretty average, I suppose I am slim, maybe look a bit younger than I am. Plenty of rejections but plenty of take ups too. I guess I am looking at men a bit older than you are. Maybe there is more of them on the market.

Yeah, that could be a thing, I guess.

When I go out with friends/colleagues, most people think I'm about ten years younger than I am. Probably because I don't wear much makeup and I refuse to stop wearing clothes aimed at younger women. 😂

Is the issue not that you can't get laid, but you can't laid by a man you actually want to have sex with?..... as in there will be dozens of sleazeballs, oddballs, and cheaters out there who you easily have sex with, but you're discerning and actually want someone who's a decent guy?

Maybe add a photo to your OLD of your 32Fs... 😃😃😃

Have you clarified your status....as in, I wonder if they think you want to settle down and have kids and have a really loud body clock...and so avoid.

If, as PP said, you are really clear with what you want that may help?

And also, as PP said, you could be falling into the "in between" age range.35-45 year olds possibly have 35 as their upper age limit.

I mean yes, but I figured that's the case for the vast majority of people.

I'm pretty clear on my profile. I'm not looking to have children, but I'm very open to dating people who have children.

I do joke with my friends that I'm just in a dead zone right now and once I hit 40 I'll come into my MILF years. 😅

Me too 😊😂

Me too! I was thinking wow! If do anything to swap my B’s for F’s! 😂😂🤣

I was laughing at the assumption that 38F bust should guarantee getting laid. I'm a similar size and age to this and don't get any attention from men either.

Thank you for commenting. It sometimes feels a bit lonely to be struggling with this when so many seem to find it so easy!

Careful all; this post is disingenuous… wonder how many DMs OP has got by now?

I'm a few years older than you and have just accepted it for now. People are always surprised when they hear I actually would have liked a relationship (whether casual or more serious) as they just assume that I've been single all this time out of choice. I find that heartening that there's nothing really obviously off-putting about me!

Zero.

But if any nice women in my area are interested... 😂

Yeah I have friends and colleagues tell me that I seem so happy and fulfilled as a single person, but also it's nice to have some affection sometimes!

I also thought bra size. V funny

Do you need to be clearer on your bio, because TBH I cannot fathom you should have a problem, it might take a while to find a couple you like. But in general they shouldn’t be in short supply.

also age settings - are you open to younger men? Because from personal experience I think they would be open to you.

Yes, my preference is for younger men. And I do go on dates fairly regularly with younger men. But I find they are just often looking for completely different things to me (kids, moving in together, etc.).

Totally misunderstood, thought this was your bra size!

Me too! I clicked on the thread out of pure curiosity, wondering how having large norks was making it so difficult to have sex!

I mean they can be pretty painful during sex but I'm not sure that's the reason I'm struggling to get naked with someone in the first place!

Which apps are you using?

I'd suggest going for a hookup app and being brutally choosy. Stick a profile up on adultfriendfinder, make it clear exactly what you are looking for, and make yourself a cup of tea. You will get approximately 300 messages, most of which won't interest you. Dont try to respond to those, however plaintive they get. Keep digging through. You will find there are a surprising number of men on there who at some point are open to at the very least FWB, possibly a relationship. However, they aren't looking for a non-sexual setup.

I found usually the men who were good with words were the ones worth meeting.

I'm 31 and struggle to get a shag these day. Used to get loads in my twenties. I have a few men that I could shag if I wanted to but I'm not interested in them. Had two male friends over to my house impromptu after a few drinks and it was clear I could have had them both upstairs if I'd wanted...but I didn't.

The ones I am interested in, rarely seem interested in me, or they do and then I scare them away 😂

I've put on a few pounds recently so I'm wondering if it's to do with my confidence and how I'm feeling about myself rather than anything external.

This reads like a reddit post... perhaps you'd find better 'advice' there. Perhaps enough to fill a cheap journo article, or enough to keep you 'entertained'

I use all the usual apps and don't struggle to get dates. :-)

I usually use Reddit for other topics, so that's probably why it reads that way.

Not sure what you mean about a cheap journo article or keeping me entertained.

Yes I wonder that about myself too. I'm not as athletic as I used to be due to a serious ankle injury, although I am still fit and work in the leisure industry. I think it's dented my confidence a huge amount which is perhaps why I struggle to think the men who are interested are actually interested.

Yeah, but the dates aren't turning sexual. Why not start with the sexual side? It gave me a confidence boost that I really needed at the time to be chased for sex, even though quite obviously a lot of them would have gone for pretty much any female.