Subtle signs of an affair

[FitzFarseer]

What are the sutble signs of an affair?

Just wondering. The thought that DH was having an affair came to me out of nowhere and I have no idea why. 18 years in.

Coming to bed later, making excuses he couldn’t sleep so was going to stay up and watch tv- he was just wanting to text her without me being around.
Also suddenly being nicer and more appreciative of things. Would come home with a little present just out of the blue but it was because he was feeling guilty

Him being subtly distracted or distant with you.

Ah well, I checked his location history on his Google account(I had set it up for him), and then I also put a voice recorder in the car.....total and utter proof :(sad

Following with interest

Becoming happier and more loving than before. Arranging lots of cute dates. Spending more time with the kids. Buying more gifts for you. Higher sex drive and spending more time trying to please you in bed. Trying out new dishes in the kitchen. Suddenly being into new things. No changes in appearance or schedule at all.

My friend became suspicious when he suddenly became more interested in more up to date music ( ow was younger ) .
He also worked away during the week but had the ' opportunity ' of working some weekends as well .

What's happening OP?

Mentionitis, or suddenly hearing them talk about a new woman you’ve never heard of. Suddenly having a new friend on fb/instagram. Being on phone a lot/being more secretive with phone. Both times I’ve been cheated (different men) they have seemed to check out of the relationship and become more distant and distracted.

Trust your spidey senses

Well we both WFH but there has been a pull from his company to go in. He was pissed off but now goes several times a week despite saying it's empty.

He went to a supermarket further away to buy random items he could have gotten 5 minutes away.

He's addicted to multiple screens. It's his line of work. And it pisses me off anyway.

I don't know. Does paranoia creep in with peri?

I suspected EXH was cheating. Classic mentionits, making an effort to go to every work social, new clothes etc... but the biggest give away was when we were watching a film about someone being caught cheating. I was lying with my head on his chest and in the scene where the wife confronted the main character, I felt his heart start racing. Call it intuition but I just knew. Two months later he left me.

Can you get a look at his phone subtly to see what he’s doing? I don’t mean unlock it but be a bit more vigilant looking over his shoulder? Has he mentioned anyone you’ve never heard of at work?

I would say trust your gut feelings....maybe your subconscious has picked up signs.

Sorry.

He hasn't mentioned anyone. In truth, I believe most people are up in the northern office.

I watched his face on the phone earlier and he was simply reading, not typing.

@FitzFarseer many women have had these gut feelings when there’s something you can’t quite put your finger on it but there’s been a slight shift in something. And 9 times out of 10 the gut feeling that something is off is usually right. But that’s doesn’t mean it’s an actual affair, it could be someone who’s sparked his interest? Is he being different with you at all?

Sounds like a horrendous experience.

This was my mum with her boss…

complaining how her boss overworked her, long hours etc.
mentioning how much she disliked him.
lots of overnight business trips.
change in interests and opinions

my ex constantly accused me of cheating for tiny things. It was honestly awful.

Back ten mins later than usual - affair
Having a shower - affair
Girls night out - affair
not being hungry for tea- obv because I’d already eaten having an affair

It was a fucking joke.

He had a very very anxious attachment style. He saw « signs » I was cheating at every turn.

Please don’t accuse people of cheating without proper evidence. And if you have more of an anxious attachment style realise you might be seeing signs that aren’t there in reality.

New projects at work. Business trips longer than usual (just a day or two). New underwear. Unknown names in the contact list. Happier and calmer. Stopped pestering for sex. New moves in bed.

I don’t think cleaning your teeth before you go out a suspicious it’s just normal in

I've never thought this before and many of thre things mentioned I do. Which leaves me wondering whether the change is in me or him.

Back in the day,you paid per text
In my case they where 12p a text
I'd top both mine and my ex's phones up every Tuesday (£5 per phone-he was a classic cocklodger)
I'd still have at least 50p left by the following monday but all of his would be gone by the Tuesday night-everytime
He wasn't texting me-he was shagging my best mate-he'd wait until I'd gone to bed and start messaging her
The bloody cheek of him-he expected me to re-top his phone so he could carry on texting her
He rewrote history-he had never loved me,I'd tried to trap him by getting pregnant and I wasn't acting out his porn star fantasy-all the while id just had his baby,bringing up my other children,I was the only one bringing in any money and was wearing myself into the ground while he sat around getting pissed and playing on his PlayStation
They beat me up and ran off into the sunset together
They lasted 6 weeks
I still can't believe I actually paid for his affair!

It's just a feeling. There's less space in their consciousness for you as the affair partner fills up Soave that was yours. They get nasty with you as they lead up to leaving you so they can say you're unbalanced or being odd and it's your fault the marriage is failing.

Purely your own intuition / gut feeling is enough.

@Theos not with my DH 🤢