Subtle signs of an affair

[FitzFarseer]

What are the sutble signs of an affair?

Just wondering. The thought that DH was having an affair came to me out of nowhere and I have no idea why. 18 years in.

Extra overtime at work. Secretive with phone. Taking extra care with appearance.

Being less available taking phone calls.
New underwear..
More aftershave and care in personal grooming..

My ex started coming home exactly on time - in the years previously he’d sometimes leave shifts early, sometimes late, but once he was trying to cover his tracks he was doing everything by the book so as not to arouse suspicion.

Unexplained absences from house. Spending more time away from you even when in the house. Phone on silent/facing downwards. Doesn’t leave phone unattended, you don’t have access to it. Picking up a new hobby when there was zero interest in it before (becomes a reason for him to leave house for long periods) trying to get away at the weekend when he never did b4 etc

New clothes. Losing weight. Suddenly starting to exercise. Bathing more often. Seeing his mates more often. His best friend is going through a bad time and needs support? Working more.

Suggesting that you stay over an extra night with your mum/ take the chance to break your journey home somewhere nice / treat your child to a night away when they have some out of town activity.

Phone always on his person. Even while weeding the garden!

Smiling/smirking at his phone.

With hindsight - he checked out of family life. I spent years trying to jolly everyone along and not notice.

Why have you become suspicious @FitzFarseer m

Cleaning his teeth before going out for a drink with friends.

New people popping up on his friends list on Facebook and Instagram.

Seeing he was online on Facebook but not replying to my messages.

Not wearing his wedding ring for "health and safety" reasons at work when it hadn't been a problem before.

Checking out of family time/life
Change in appearance taking more time when previously didn't care
"Mentionitus" of a certain work colleague
More overtime/social events with work
Hiding phone and changing passwords
Gut feeling.....listen to it!

Mentionitis. That new woman at work? Her name pops up all the time.

He's suddenly rewriting history. He's not happy, he's never been happy. He actually never wanted to get married but you pressured him. He didn't really want kids, either.

You suddenly can't do anything right. He is nitpicking you over everything, seemingly frustrated and fed up with everything you do.

Friend said he bought new socks and trendier underpants , also the cat seat her side had been adjusted

I meant car seat 😆

Extra ddog walks.

Hope my DH doesn't read this thread, I go through periods of doing a lot of these things! (Not having an affair!)

All the above plus:
New red sportscar
New leather jacket
New hairstyle
Sudden interest in more modern music

Mentionitis even if he talks about her ‘putting him down’

remember affairs are only thrill seeking and looking for affirmation due to lack of self love 💕 you would know if he’s down and needy and pining

Thank you. And how would you determine if one was being had without asking?

*Creating distance between you — detached, less affectionate, more critical or irritable
*Changes in phone, dress, grooming, fitness habits
*Suddenly spending more time out of the house with work, colleagues, friends, hobbies or errands
*Mentionitis

Well, I'd say, if you read this thread and your heart sinks, then you have determined without asking :-/

New underwear. Taking DC to see grandparents in another county to give you a break. Taking dc to bed and sitting with them whilst they dropped to sleep whilst looking at his phone.

Receiving an anonymous letter telling you he was having an affair. 😆
Obviously he denied it until he was ready to tell me himself.

Suddenly carrying his phone around like an iron lung

Being secretive with his phone (it never leaves his person) Going on the defensive about everything, even trivial nonsense. Starting arguments over nothing as an excuse to leave home