Both married, close friend has decided I'm the one. I'm not

[nibblesthekibbles]

Hello,

Not here for a flaming.. nor permission, just have nowhere else to air this situation.

Lovely friend of 15 years has recently decided that "I'm the one" - which I am most certainly not.

I am happily married, young children. Definitely, 100% not leaving my husband. My friend - not as happily married, but with young children.

I feel desperately sad for him, but have encouraged him to work on things with his wife and I have massively distanced myself.

He has now announced that he must speak to me tomorrow, and whilst I'm unsure of what he's going to say - I know I have to finish our friendship.

I am desperately sad I am sad for him and I am so, so sad for myself, as I am losing a really great asset to my life. I realise I cannot keep him around - it wouldn't be fair on my wonderful husband, my gorgeous babies nor myself.

I can't help but feel I'm abandoning my friend, but this cannot turn into something more than what it is.

I am doing the right thing. I do not invite stress nor drama into my life, I don't need it. I wish he'd just kept his bloody mouth shut.

I don't think you drift into an affair. It's a choice. Nothing can lead to an affair if you don't let it.

It's a shit position to be in, but I think you are doing the best you can under the circumstances.
It's sad that you now have to grieve for a friendship you had (or thought you had).

I don’t trust anyone who who thinks someone is “the one”, it’s such a stupid attitude to have towards people and relationships

@MasterBeth I didn’t say “drift”, but yes certain behaviours can lead to an emotional affair. It’s not as though two people have made a conscious decision to have an emotional affair but if two people have a mutual attraction, they spend a lot of quality time with that person when they’re not in a committed relationship with that person and spend a lot of emotional energy on that other person, being a confidante and confiding all their woes, being a shoulder for the other person to depend on and somehow start comparing the actual person in their life and the other person and start seeing their spouse/partner in a negative light as though something is “missing” or that they’re just not happy and sometimes even vocalising those negative thoughts to their spouse/partner or others…but apparently this other person does make them happy and is all the things their actual partner/spouse is not, and all they do in their living, waking hours is text, call or speak or want to spend time with this other person and the other person feels the same way. Then yes, I believe those types of behaviour can lead to an emotional affair. They didn’t necessarily drift into one but it wouldn’t happen overnight.

Yeah, sure, but don't do that when you're married, because it's a betrayal of your husband or wife. You're completely responsible for all of those actions. They don't just happen without your involvement.

Hope you are enjoying your holiday, now this is behind you. He's probably feeling a bit daft.