I think my DH cheated on me last night

[nnamechangee]

We have been together a long time and have 3 young children, youngest is 3 months old.

We have been having some problems for a few months but if we talked properly things could have been resolved. He went out last night and came home this morning at 7.30am (he has never done this before). He text me at 4am saying he couldn't get a taxi and had to walk home. Technically it would take him this timeframe to come home.

However his clothes have makeup on them, smell like perfume and his trousers look like they have sperm on them, I have taken photos. He will deny this but I think there is just too much evidence here now.

I'm devastated and have to carry on as normal today for the children.

He is being an utter shit taunting you that you cant/ won't leave. The reality is what happens now? He knows you know. If you don't do anything, he will do it again

Maybe you should go out for a couple of hours and leave the kids with him. It sounds like he is very tired and needs a wake up call.. especially with a small baby. Or maybe take the baby and leave the bouncy toddlers to jump on him!

Absolutely do not do this!
You’ll open yourself up to him claiming that you’ve walked out on the kids, he’ll change the narrative to suit himself more than he would be able to if you stay and get him out somehow.
Plus he’d then be the parent physically in the house.

How innocent you are.

So what ? Why on earth is it such a bad thing if he’s a primary carer ? Let him crack on. He’s the one that’s broken this family.

I think that you’re in shock at the moment and it’s an awful lot to take in. All you can do for now is get through each day as it comes, look after yourself and the children and spend time thinking about your options. I would make an appointment with a solicitor, explain the situation and they’ll be able to advise to on what to do next. Don’t move out of the house, it’s the children’s home and they need the feeling of stability and security. Try not to listen to any awful comments from him as cornered rats tend to turn nasty.
Look after yourself, don’t make any hasty decisions and you’ll come out of this at the other end. Good luck.

Don’t go anywhere and definitely don’t leave the dc. My friend did this, lost custody due to being accused of abandonment. He needs to go and stay at the travel lodge or a b&b you need space

What the fuck are you talking about? Literally absolutely nothing about the OP's posts has suggested she wants to walk out on her children and be a secondary parent. What a nasty thing to suggest.

He is threatening her that he wants to keep the children. I am pointing out that if she allows that there will be one of 2 outcomes. He will either realise that actually that isn’t going to work for him and give her the children back or will do an amazing job and then end up with 50-50. Neither of those outcomes are a bad thing.

I think you're living in cloud cuckoo land.

Have a look at the Turn2Us website, it will tell you what you're entitled to in benefits.

You can do the figures for while you are on maternity leave, and the figures for when you go back to work. You can claim back up to 85% of childcare fees.

If you are on Universal Credit, even if just for childcare, you can get cheaper broadband (social tariff)

Depending on where you live, cheaper water bills. For example, in Wales you could either be on the tariff for low income or if on a meter because you have 3 children.

If he's working, have a look at the child maintenance calculator to see how much he would have to pay. Try and do an arrangement between you if possible. If he's self-employed then they usually manage to hide their income.

You'll be fine as a single parent, if that's what you decide.

Sending strength and solidarity.

So sorry OP this is devastating for you. He definitely sounds guilty and the fact he's being defensive doesn't look great. He sounds nasty immediately asking for money back that you owe him. You sound like you're being so strong and already making plans moving forward though. Well done for not putting up with this. Good luck OP, sending lots of virtual hugs x

Yes, it be far better for her to remain there and have him use the children as a weapon to beat her with wouldn’t it?

How wrong you are if you think any half decent man would do that - it’s the work of a knuckle dragger.
As much as this is MN and it’s cool to hate men for simply having a penis, the vast majority of us couldn’t think of anything worse than getting noshed off behind the bins in an alleyway

@3BSHKATS
So what ? Why on earth is it such a bad thing if he’s a primary carer ? Let him crack on. He’s the one that’s broken this family.

Some mums love their children and wouldn't ever make them miserable and desolate by leaving them just to score points.

It is good the tenancy runs out in November. It gives you time to find somewhere new and to find work.

Do you have space in the house to live separately, or could you move into one of the kids rooms? Stop all wife work (cooking for all, laundry) and just look after yourself and the kids. Talk to a solicitor and get the ball rolling regarding a divorce.

Oh and forget the money owed - your married so it means nothing.

It will be an unpleasant few months but if he won’t move out it is the only option.

Leaving the children would very obviously be helping him use them as a weapon.

Why the actual fuck should the OP put her children through that? Honestly one of the most disgusting pieces of advice I've seen on here in a while.

You think people don’t do that?

Are you suggesting that dads who do exactly that don’t love their children 😳
It’s not about not loving your children. Your children won’t bloody know what’s going on when they’re the age these ones are, it’s about removing the power and the control from dick head. He thinks his trump card is I’ll take your kids off you. And if he thinks he’s got that level of Power he’ll use it

Right. There's no arguing with stupid.

They are too young. Haven’t got a clue what’s going on, if you resolve this early and nip it in the bud.

When it becomes a problem is when it’s still going on 10 years later.

Take the advice OP up to you, it’s what I wish I’d done. Would’ve resolve things a lot quicker and would’ve saved an absolute fortune in legal fees.

He may have snogged a girl who w**ed him off with clothes on. Use your imagination!

Nothing to do with being 'innocent' @BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz but by mature I meant 'decent and emotionally mature'.

@nnamechangee he really is very confident that you’re stuck . The kids will not be staying with him and if you get yourself a good solicitor there’s a fair chance the courts will allow you to stay in the home. Don’t forget the child maintenance he will have to pay on top. What an arrogant man !

Harness your inner Monica Lewonsky and take his trousers to a chemists. Preferably one with a female pharmacist. They may not be able to test but you will get some good advice. There are tests for sperm, I think glowing in uv light. Ask an expert.

Once you have the facts to hand you'll have a better idea of how to go forward. Your kids don't need a cheating father. He's already halfway out of the door.