I think my DH cheated on me last night

[nnamechangee]

We have been together a long time and have 3 young children, youngest is 3 months old.

We have been having some problems for a few months but if we talked properly things could have been resolved. He went out last night and came home this morning at 7.30am (he has never done this before). He text me at 4am saying he couldn't get a taxi and had to walk home. Technically it would take him this timeframe to come home.

However his clothes have makeup on them, smell like perfume and his trousers look like they have sperm on them, I have taken photos. He will deny this but I think there is just too much evidence here now.

I'm devastated and have to carry on as normal today for the children.

Well he sounds scary. What a reaction to being caught cheating, just do one step at a time OP. Try to find some real life support so he doesn't get into your head.

Really sorry you are going through this OP, I have been in your situation and it is so hard and distressing.
Take things one day at a time and get your ducks in a row. It sounds like you will be free of a man who gaslights you at the very least.
Things won't always be this hard, but for now just get through each day as it comes

You don't have to put up with this OP. If he's cheated once he'll cheat again.

All money in a marriage is pooled together so you don't owe him anything.
His reaction tells you all you need to know, an innocent person would have an explanation or try to reassure you, jumping to the defensive smacks of guilt.
Sit tight, plan your next move but don't let him know what it is, you don't want him getting one step ahead.
Do not leave your home and him with your children, the courts could then see him as the resident parent.
Get support from friends and family they can be a great source of help and support

Are you married OP? Sorry if I’ve missed it, the title says DP but I see comments about being married.

You don’t need to sit tight - his reaction alone tells you he has no respect for you and doesn’t give a fuck about your feelings. The longer you stay the more you’ll be ground down and the more he will walk all over you.

Do you have any family support? It’s going to be hard to start over but you must for your own sanity, you deserve so much more than this.

Dont even wash his clothes. Bag them and hide them somewhere like the loft. Just in case he decides to deny it all ever happened

I honestly wish I left the children with him and gone and rebuild my life. I’m gonna be in the Disney mum instead of having to sit here and watch him Be the best Disney dad. At one point, he was paying £700 in this in child-support, which he considered to be an extraordinary amount of money. It was halfway I was paying per month for one out of four children.
Women get utterly fucked over because we apparently do the right thing and stay with the kids. Well no. It’s a mistake. And you get absolutely no thanks for it from the kids.

50/50 or else you keep them Buster. Let him put his life on hold for 18 years and live in relative poverty. Some how i think Mr Spermy pants will decline, it’s tricky getting your end way behind a pub when you’ve got a three month old to look after.

🙄
No, not this.

In the longer term would it be worth seeking advice about applying for social housing, I will be returning to work part time.

Anyone any knowledge around this because obviously we are both on the tenancy agreement here which is due to renew in November time.

This isn’t CSI who on earth Do you think cares about his clothes? We have no fault divorce it doesn’t matter whether he fucked one or 15. The result will be the same.

I don’t know why some people are defending this. Semen on trousers is obvious and with the grass stain and perfume and makeup and out all night and other stuff especially the guilty defending this morning it’s clear what it is. MN usually sends people to look for evidence with less than this.
OP, you know your relationship and what he’s done before. I’m sorry. I would tell a friend that he’s had a one night stand and you’re leaving him.

It doesn’t matter whether you’re both on the tenancy in terms of applying for housing, because quite simply you don’t live there or you don’t want to live there so you can make an application anyway. But the reality of it, as there is no social housing, so if you’re not in immediate danger where you need to go into a grotty bedsit. You need to get back to work like now.

Google how to apply for social housing in your area. Get on a list. It could take years but better on it and forget about it.

In the meantime, Google how to take over a tenancy in sole name.

My ex threatened me financially when I discovered he made arrangements to meet a 19 year old.
Tge threat did its job, I was too scared to leave for a year

I'm really sorry OP.

If he had a ONS you will never know.

But it sounds as if your marriage was over before this happened.

You say you've had problems for a while, yesterday he gave you the 'silent treatment' then he went out and you didn't know where or with whom. Walking home too him over 3 hours? So at an average pace of 3 miles an hour (slower if drunk) he was at least 7 miles away or more?

Is this credible?

That's not the basis of a healthy marriage. if he wasn't willing to discuss your problems he sounds like he opted out ages ago.

Who does your childcare now and can you work again now with a 3 month old baby?

I'm so sorry! He sounds guilty as hell! Don't let him win you over

How old are you both?

Sex in a field or alley and coming home all dishevelled doesn't sound the behaviour of a mature man.

I didnt say to keep it to gets DNA/labs done. I said in case he decides to deny to her it ever happened.
I've read enough mumsnet posts to know some cheaters start manipulating/accusing the wife of making up crazy shit. If he does that I dont want her doubting herself.

@Chiccaletta thank you but I took photos so I've proof.

Yes hilarious, I can't see any court enforcing that one. no reason why you can't get divorce proceedings started, you can do that online. That will at least show you are serious and move out of the bedroom. Let's see how he likes living with someone who won't have sex with him, do his washing or cooking.
Stick to it. I'm so sorry OP, I have been there and now very happily single.

But it doesn’t matter whether he denies it or not. She can just get divorced because she woke up one morning and decided she wants to get divorced. I absolutely 100% guarantee that history will be written anyway. The narrative will change the moment he realises that she’s actually serious, that it’s all over. Having spunk covered clothing, makes no bloody difference and if anything just gives you something to sit and brew over knowing its in the loft.

He's obviously right now trying to brazen it out.

Doesn't sound like he has an affair partner who will take him...more like some drunken encounter.

When he sobers up and gets some sleep and realises you are serious he may change his tune.

He'll have to pay child support and needn't be so sure that you're the only one who will struggle financially

He'll be alone, broke, some friends and colleagues won't want to know him and his relationship with his kids has been permanently altered.

Countdown to the waterworks and pleas for forgiveness probably 36 hours.

As you are married, I would get legal advice as a priority, and instigate divorce proceedings.

So sorry OP, but you deserve better.

A drunken encounter in a bush is what it sounds like, his reaction of nasty and defensive is classic. He's trying to frighten you into accepting it.

Sometimes you just know and by taking the photos its evident he's been up to no good. Il make your plans to seperate get your ducks in a row.