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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I think my DH cheated on me last night

382 replies

nnamechangee · 18/06/2023 08:50

We have been together a long time and have 3 young children, youngest is 3 months old.

We have been having some problems for a few months but if we talked properly things could have been resolved. He went out last night and came home this morning at 7.30am (he has never done this before). He text me at 4am saying he couldn't get a taxi and had to walk home. Technically it would take him this timeframe to come home.

However his clothes have makeup on them, smell like perfume and his trousers look like they have sperm on them, I have taken photos. He will deny this but I think there is just too much evidence here now.

I'm devastated and have to carry on as normal today for the children.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Nellynoowhoareyou · 30/06/2023 19:56

How are you doing OP?

Original poster
nnamechangee · 01/07/2023 11:03

I'm not doing good at all. I found text messages on an old phone a few days ago to two different women. Husband is still denying things but says sorry for hurting me.

However me and the children are leaving the house in an hour because he's coming to pack his bags and go. I have told my oldest child which was the big hurdle for me. She's actually ok so far.

I just a glass of wine and a good cry tonight.

OP posts:
GCalltheway · 01/07/2023 11:06

So hard op to deal with this, but you are getting through it day by day. Glad he is going.

Zonder · 01/07/2023 11:17

So sorry. Really tough on you all, especially if he isn't being honest.

Nellynoowhoareyou · 01/07/2023 11:22

Sorry to hear you’re struggling but well done for being so strong. You must have been under his control and manipulation for a long time but you’ve seen him for what he is and hopefully the healing can start tonight ❤️ It’s a long road, baby steps, but I’m sure you’ll look back and be so proud of yourself, as will your kids. Take care and stay strong, you’re worth so much more.

Sleeepdeprived · 01/07/2023 11:24

I’m sorry OP. You’re being so strong.

JenWillsiam · 01/07/2023 11:27

You’re doing so well.

IHateLegDay · 01/07/2023 12:14

Sending you a hug and HH xx

TheCatterall · 01/07/2023 12:32

@nnamechangee massive squishes. This is a rocky period for you all but long term you’ll be so much better off.

Original poster
nnamechangee · 01/07/2023 12:41

I just need to get to Monday to get the ball rolling for benefits etc then I will be more relieved

OP posts:
Original poster
nnamechangee · 01/07/2023 12:41

Thank you all

OP posts:
Weenurse · 01/07/2023 13:04

You are doing well.
One day at a time.
Remember to eat and drink something 💐

Original poster
nnamechangee · 01/07/2023 13:53

I haven't eaten in two days or sleep. He's just text to say he's out of the house so picking up a McDonald's and heading home.

Need a good cry but can't do it until children are in bed.

OP posts:
Doggymummar · 01/07/2023 14:24

Such a shame. Sounds like he's been cheating for a long time, what a dick

Takeabreather23 · 01/07/2023 14:31

@nnamechangee
you don’t have to wait untill Monday you can go online and apply today . I think cma is a phone call though

Todsy is the start of better things . ❤️

NooNaNa · 01/07/2023 14:44

You're never going to get the complete truth out of him. You know enough. Try not to torment yourself worrying about the details.
Try very very hard to focus on your future.
Do not speak to him unless you absolutely have to (such as for parenting). See a lawyer. Don't tell him what you think, don't tell him what you are going to do. Right now all you have to do is shut down on him. You didn't to explain anything - he knows full well why and what.

Moonsun88 · 01/07/2023 15:26

GCalltheway · 18/06/2023 11:30

Don’t go anywhere and definitely don’t leave the dc. My friend did this, lost custody due to being accused of abandonment. He needs to go and stay at the travel lodge or a b&b you need space

I was going go say this too many posters on here convince men don't want 50/50 or even full time, the times are changing and many men especially controlling ones have custody now and believe me they also take fhe benefits willingly and if they are lazy it's win win. Family courts is full of this. Can never understand this mentally that all dad's can't cope. Many can especially high earners and then sometimes get another woman go play mummy part time or even full time. It happens. Don't leave the kids ever, and make it clear it will be 50/50 or that's what he wants.

AcrossthePond55 · 01/07/2023 16:45

NooNaNa · 01/07/2023 14:44

You're never going to get the complete truth out of him. You know enough. Try not to torment yourself worrying about the details.
Try very very hard to focus on your future.
Do not speak to him unless you absolutely have to (such as for parenting). See a lawyer. Don't tell him what you think, don't tell him what you are going to do. Right now all you have to do is shut down on him. You didn't to explain anything - he knows full well why and what.

@nnamechangee

I agree totally with @NooNaNa . Stop looking for proof and/or asking about his infidelities. You know enough and he's never going to admit it. It's like poking a sore tooth with your tongue. You already know the tooth is sore, poking it only makes it feel worse. And yes, it's time for 'radio silence'. Say nothing about your life or your plans. It's none of his business anymore.

Now, he's out of the house. That's GOOD because now you can start to make it your own. Rearrange some furniture, take down or put up some pictures. Buy a couple of throw pillows in a colour or style he'd hate. Get rid of any 'decor' that he chose or is not your style. It's amazing what just a few little changes can do. I started out by taking down some 'artsy fartsy' photos he'd hung, threw out some ugly ornaments his family gave as wedding presents, and buying some new curtains with (gasp!) LACE edging!!!

A couple of months later I got all new living room furniture (thanks Mum & Dad!) in a style & colours I knew he'd HATE, but were very 'me'. This was back in the late 70s, so bamboo/rattan with loose cushions in very 'beachy' and tropical colours. I even got rid of my new curtains (to the bedroom) and put up bamboo shades. The living room looked like a Key West condo, but I loved it!

Make the house your own refuge and sanctuary. You deserve it and it will give you peace and the resolve to continue remaking your life into what will make YOU happy.

Lainie · 01/07/2023 17:01

Do you know what you can do now he has gone? ANYTHING YOU BLOODY WELL WANT TO! Have whatever you want for meals, you can hogg the tele remote to your hearts content, choose wether to have sport on the tele or not, watch whatever girly films you like (dvd's of old films on e bay at about £2 for some.) you can starfish in your bed (unless kids or pets join you lol ) you may not feel it just yet but he has done you a huge favour! he gave you freedom ! x

AcrossthePond55 · 01/07/2023 17:33

@Lainie

"you can starfish in your bed"

OMG YES!! I also remember how nice it was to roll over to 'the cool side of the bed' on hot nights. Bliss!

rainbowstardrops · 01/07/2023 17:36

Oh bless you but he's a rat and you'll be well rid.
Why on earth do people do this? I always said to my husband, if you want to be with someone else then you end it with me first. If you cheat, I'll wipe the floor with you.
Why do people do it?!

Original poster
nnamechangee · 01/07/2023 18:17

Yes I have already moved the bedroom around to my liking and changed the bedcovers, I've chucked loads of clutter out from kitchen and it's minimal.

I've been very productive

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 01/07/2023 18:21

nnamechangee · 01/07/2023 18:17

Yes I have already moved the bedroom around to my liking and changed the bedcovers, I've chucked loads of clutter out from kitchen and it's minimal.

I've been very productive

Wonderful!! Go Girl!!!

CornishTiger · 01/07/2023 20:25

Excellent. Now make a claim to UC. Honestly sooner the better.

Original poster
nnamechangee · 02/07/2023 08:25

I'm going to apply on Monday, I'm in a new build and my postcode does now show online yet unfortunately.

I had a good night sleep and managed some breakfast this morning. The children slept well thankfully.

OP posts:
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