I think my DH cheated on me last night

[nnamechangee]

We have been together a long time and have 3 young children, youngest is 3 months old.

We have been having some problems for a few months but if we talked properly things could have been resolved. He went out last night and came home this morning at 7.30am (he has never done this before). He text me at 4am saying he couldn't get a taxi and had to walk home. Technically it would take him this timeframe to come home.

However his clothes have makeup on them, smell like perfume and his trousers look like they have sperm on them, I have taken photos. He will deny this but I think there is just too much evidence here now.

I'm devastated and have to carry on as normal today for the children.

Be honest with your ll. Explain you can still afford it. My tenant was honest and she stayed many more years. I’d have been super unhappy and probably given her notice if she’d hidden it - even if she was paying rent on time.

It sounds like you needed a reason to boot him out so the stains are almost irrelevant - he’s out partying all night when op is at home with 3 young children including a newborn, he’s clearly been abusive in the past and now tells her he’s only with her for the children.

if this was a happy marriage and equal partnership then I could understand questioning things a bit more, but op needs to do this so stop with the justifying / explanations and give her the support she needs.

OP write on a piece of paper in big letters ‘One day I will be far happier without him.’ Stick in a drawer and when you feel crap and like you want to give up, read it. Because from the little I know of him and of you from this thread I am 100% sure you will thrive without him. And please don’t worry too much about your child - if you thrive she thrives.

I'm going to be honest with the landlord, it looks like universal credits will really benefit me more than my current situation in the relationship. I feel more relieved now. I'll be ok just need him to find somewhere so we can tell my oldest child and begin that difficult process for her.

I'm going to reread all the advice on this thread it's been so helpful and reassuring.

If I save up £5000 I will be able to apply for a shared ownership home and get some stability for my children.

Huga · Yesterday 09:22
Can we see the photos?

What’s wrong with you?

So sorry, OP. Do you have family support?

The cheating aside - he wasn't speaking to you? That in itself is pretty shitty. The phone secrecy, the way he has handled this argument... All speak to a guy you'd be better off without. Best of luck in your separation!

That's America...

But what is the relevance of what happens in US courts to what happens here?

Come on...

I know it’s a horrible situation do find yourself in… You have done nothing to deserve this. For those of us cheering you on from the inter webs, it’s very gratifying to find out that you will be further ahead without him.

Wow he sounds absolutely terrible. Even not letting you open his phone, that's mad. I don't ever snoop on DHs phone but if he is driving he will ask me to respond to texts etc.

When does he move out? It sounds like you and your children will be way better off without him.

I'm the voice of experience both personally and professionally. You are scaremongering and posting links to completely irrelevant foreign cases for no other reason than to make the OP feel more vulnerable than she already does.

Not helpful is it. Check your motives.

No youre not, no legal professional would comment either way.

She’s commenting on your credibility, not on what the OP should do. Quite reasonable.

OP, you’ve clearly got a good head on your shoulders. All the best!

Hi, i'm going through something very similar with children the same ages as yours. It will be a million times better for you once he's left the house. I strongly advise you to secretly record any future conversations with him as he's gaslighting you and you might need proof (for your own sanity mostly) that yes, he did say XYZ to you and it wasn't in your head.

Stay strong and don't go back to that awful excuse for a man. Feel free to PM me if you need to talk :)

I’m so sorry for what you are going through. He sounds horrible. You and your kids don’t deserve that.

Can you take the kids and go and stay somewhere for a few days? I know it is a massive upheaval- have you got a friend or family member you can tell who can come and help you and support you in person (you’re not a burden you need help through this). Often the people who help you at these times aren’t the people you’d expect.

I have no advice however I'm in awe at how strong you are! Sending love and strength ❤️

So sorry OP. What an awful situation for you. Keep posting as much as you need to on here. There are plenty of us to hand hold and some more that have great advice.

She might need his payslips , Bonus payments etc for the CMS.

And just because they don’t own their home doesn’t mean there are no assets. There may be pensions , savings accounts , investments , a car / cars etc

You really need to ask him to find somewhere temporary to stay in the interim. Could he go to his parents, siblings, a friend? Because he could drag 'looking for somewhere' out for months in order to stay in the home. And why would he want to stay? Here's why:

He wants to be there to continue to gaslight you into letting him stay permanently.

He knows that once he's gone you'll realize how much better you feel and how much more peaceful the home is.

He doesn't want to give up his 'home comforts' nor his reputation as a 'good family man'.

Getting his own place as well as paying for the current home is going to cost him 'extra' money.

If he insists he has nowhere to go, just keep an eye on the passing days. And start looking for suitable places for him yourself.

@Batalax the mind boggles.

Good luck op

If he came home smelling of perfume and with make-up and sperm on him, he must be stupid. Either that or he wants to break-up. What a lovely surprise for Father's Day. Did he like his cards and presents?

What is wrong with you?

I did not say it was OK I said it explains why he had semen on his trousers.

Op I found out my ex partner cheated from sperm on his top and trousers 😢

Hi, I hope you’ve managed to confide in some family/friends now and that you are getting some support.