Friends invitation gone sour

[HowUAI]

Just wanted to discuss an awkward situation I found myself in with regards to a couple that my husband and I are friends with for several years now. It started off as a text on a group chat that only the 4 of us share. They initiated the conversation asking us at very short notice if we would be free over the weekend for a meal at their house. As I had to be at work on the Saturday till late (and could absolutely not rearrange due to the nature of my job), I immediately replied I wouldn’t be available Saturday night. Thinking they would suggest an alternative day. The texts stopped for a while and after a couple of hours they texted us again asking if I minded if my husband could join them alone on Saturday night as they went ahead and organized a meal and invited 2 other couples too that we are very good friends with too. Honestly I didn’t know what to think of that! I was quite shocked at how blatantly rude they were. Starting off wanting to check our availability making us think they would try to find an suitable day and then going ahead with organizing the meal anyway and making me feel really left out as they knew it would be impossible to join them. Moreover even if husband accepted their invitation, how selfish of them to think it’s ok to sit there enjoying themselves, when I am doing a very stressful job and not caring about my feelings. I would be just fine if they just texted back saying nevermind they will arrange another time soon or something similar. But to rub it in like that and think it’s ok! Why did I have to feel bad when it was their idea to try to plan a lovely meal and then leave me out! This is a couple who usually dined out 2-3 times a week with different friends, so surely they could have scheduled it a different day if they really wanted our company. They never called me to explain in person not did they try to find an excuse as to why the meal had to be on that specific night I couldn’t make. My husband of course politely declined the invitation to join them on his own, but honestly it made me think that perhaps they were never really that keen on my company all these years and only rate my husband as the “better half” of the couple we are. I honestly don’t know if I should pretend this never happened or if I should unfriend them forever!

I think the OP must be used to the world having to stop when she goes to work…

How dare people have dinner parties without her in attendance. Surely they should be sitting at home in silent prayer on all occasions she’s not available and if they dare to go ahead without her, god save them.. 😆

If this is real...and I have doubts that it is...stop being so bloody ridiculous.

I'm really confused. My first thought was huge overreaction but knowing that sometimes messages can be misinterpreted or a bit rushed etc. I was hoping to see it from your side.

Having seen the actual message I think it's 100% reasonable and I can't understand the issue at all, sorry!

I read your OP and thought "they've done nothing wrong"

I've now read this update and can confirm they've done nothing wrong and you're completely overreacting.

They didn't "ask for your availability", they specified they were planning something for a specific day and invited you. You're not available but the other couples are and obviously accepted the invitation.

This wasn’t weird at all, they probably were doing something with the other couples and were nice enough to say “oh if you’re free you could come too” and you’ve blown it out of all proportion. They might be relieved if just your husband comes! 😂

Doesn't seem odd to me.

It is very likely the person sending you the text intended to invite the other couple after you said if you could make it or not - but the other partner might have run into the second couple and invited them on the spur of the moment. They were just politely telling you who they were going to invite so you could make your decision - not if you are not free we will arrange another time.

😂

Gosh. Does the world always revolve around you? It's a lovely weekend and nobody should invite their friends for a meal because you can't make it. And your OH must sit at home in solitude because you have a very important job. Wow. If this is the measure of your friendship, please do unfriend them. You don't deserve them. I would absolutely not want a selfish friend like you.

They've done nothing wrong. Totally normal and reasonable behaviour. And if you work on Saturday nights, you must be used to your DH and friends going out then?

I think it's nice to be able to socialise without your OH though I do know some couples who wouldn't.

Hopefully you will see them another time.

The only thing they did wring is asking you if your dh could still go. That should have been up to him. Yabu.

Moreover even if husband accepted their invitation, how selfish of them to think it’s ok to sit there enjoying themselves, when I am doing a very stressful job and not caring about my feelings.

Do you expect your friends to sit around twiddling your thumbs while you’re at work? Of course they can get on and have a life and have other friends round for dinner. Personally, DH would definitely have gone in this scenario because we work quite weird hours between us so often end up socialising with our friends one without the other. We’re pretty used to it!

If this is genuine which I'm sure it's not then, OP you seem as if you need Holly Willi-whatever asking you throughout the day if "you're ok?"

1 person out of 6 can't make a dinner party. The other 5 can. That's it. Their text was polite and friendly.

You sound either very self absorbed or a bit stressed. I know I can be touchy when I'm stressed.

DH and I was invited to a party last night. I couldn't go as looking after DS.

DH made an appearance at 11pm after he finished work. All fine.

Imagine I expected the party to be cancelled/rearranged because I couldn't go and would be missing out.

Bonkers!! 🤣

But according to the message you posted they did ask for your availability on a specific day? They asked if you were free on Saturday. They obviously wanted to host on that particular day.
They didn’t say ‘let me know what weekends you have free’, which would be asking for general availability.

Op are you always so self absorbed and selfish? You cannot seriously think they should not have held their dinner party as you are working or that there is anything wrong with their text or actions.

utterly odd behaviour from you.

It sounds like you are letting your own insecurities about DH being the fun one and you being the quiet one take over here.

They probably sent the same text to everyone to gauge availability. When most people could make it, they decided to press ahead and then rather than rescind their invitation to you and DH because you couldn’t make it, they let you know that DH could come on his own.

You are disappointed to miss a lovely meal, but they wouldn’t have wanted to miss the opportunity to entertain on a such a gorgeous day. We went to a dinner party yesterday too, the hosts wouldn’t have wanted to miss out on such a balmy night just because one person couldn’t make it.

Is this a wind up? Bit overreaction much.

Not sure if you’re trying to be sarcastic? Because I think their text is genuinely perfectly proper, considerate, and courteous (to the extent you’d expect among friends).

OP you sound so bonkers I’m doubting this is real. I hope it’s not real.

that seemed rude to me is that they initially tried to ask our availability but then went ahead and organized it anyway despite knowing I wouldn’t be able to make it.

You don't know what rude is. I'm sure there'll be plenty here happy to show you though.

They have done absolutely nothing wrong and your attitude is not right either, is everyone else supposed to change their plans to fit around one person? Don't think so!

Nothing here is rude or out of order. They wanted to host, got a bit excited and invited the other couple anyway. You said you personally couldn’t make it, but they had already invited you as a couple so wanted to check your partner was free / wanted to come.

Nothing had happened here other than a couple inviting you round, your declining and that’s it.

how selfish of them to think it’s ok to sit there enjoying themselves, when I am doing a very stressful job and not caring about my feelings
Fucking hysterical and ridiculous. But the entitlement does explain why you’re completely blowing this out of proportion

The world doesn’t stop because you’re at work. What an odd reaction.

It's you, not them. They invited you but you sadly couldn't go.

No big deal or rudeness on their part.

I know what has happened here.

The other couple assumed, not unreasonably on the basis of OP's chronological age, that they were dealing with a Proper Grown Up and not a petulant toddler.

Turns out they weren't. An easy mistake to make, and probably one that happens more than you'd think.