Mother-in-law turned up unannounced

[HopeG]

My MIL turned up unannounced this evening.

Came round with gifts for my 5-year-old at about 5pm from her holiday (including sweets which she knows we don’t like giving him) and stayed until 7pm.

She has never turned up without calling or texting before. My husband was out picking up our family takeaway and I had got into my pyjamas as we weren’t expecting visitors.

To me it seems very rude just to turn up unannounced.

What would you do about it?

Best to ignore on this occasion and get husband to raise it with her if it happens again?

I would be likely to be braless,in loungewear. I would not go near any windows. I do not want any surprise visitors.

I agree with this...yanbu

Wow, a family member can’t even turn up unannounced now. Can’t wait to be a mother in law- not

Wow, your rooms must be way bigger than mine. I can see out of my front window from the sofa. Sitting here braless now and can see out of my window!

She probably anticipated her DS being there and not gone for a takeaway, so thought he would value her time.

So don't turn up announced then .. not everyone likes it especially if they're not close with their MIL

not some big conundrum.

'DS/DIL let me know when your free so I can pop round, or we can go out'

'Ok MIL, how about x?'

Or be led by your DS, if he is happy with it…. Go for it?

‘Peeing in their cornflakes’ - my mum would be like that! Whereas I love it when friends turn up! But she’s an introvert and I’m not, which is probably part of it 😊

I wouldn’t but is it such a big deal a family member shows up unannounced you’re posting about it on a website? One day when she’s long gone OP might remember the day she complained online she showed up without texting beforehand. I mean maybe it’s something we’d do without thinking but the elderly don’t always known when societal rules change

what a monster. next thing you'll be telling us she tried to hug them! Call 999 immediately

Totally agree. My MIL did this once too and it was not well received! The main reason is I know she only turned up unannounced because she knew if she'd have asked we would have said no.... because we weren't free!

That is brilliant!

@NIparty Nailed it. The issue is the MIL decided her time was more important than DIL's time. It suited her to pop in so she did. Knowing that if she'd asked first she may have been told it wasn't convenient. So she decided to skip that bit and turn up anyway, knowing there was nothing DIL could do once she was there on the doorstep.

This is a wind up, surely 🙄

Exactly!

Im glad I’m not related to you OP.

Lmao, are you for real? I doubt there was some sinister motive to feeling her time is more important than her DILs 😂it sounds like she just felt comfortable to pop in after her holiday. And thought she’d be welcome, since it’s also her sons house and grandchild. I really don’t think it needs to be perceived bitterly.

Me too. I do not answer the door if I don't know who it is

How do you know you if you don't know who it is if you don't check?

Knock knock.

Who's there?

My lounge is at the back of my house. I actually cannot see my front door from any room. It is grand as my doorbell does not work and I am happy not to answer. Sometimes I am all peopled out. I have very busy evenings with after school stuff, homework, dinner, the bedtime routine often work myself. If I am working, I will be on calls and cannot be disturbed. If I am not, I still do not want things throwing us off course. If someone rings, I with schedule appropriately, or tell them when suits. I do not think it is weird to want to control my own time.

Very simply, if there is no arrangement for someone to come, you ignore the door.

I don't like people dropping in unannounced. I don't think it's terribly hard to text people etc to ask if it is convenient or not?

Really? A close relative drops in with a gift for your kid on their way back from holiday and your first thought when the doorbell goes is someone must have died?

What an exhausting way to live.

I mean maybe it’s something we’d do without thinking but the elderly don’t always known when societal rules change

For the seriously elderly yes but mobile phones have been around for 20 years so most people are familiar

I rant can't see any good argument for why a text or phone call can't be made (for those who aren't used to sending texts). I can't see any good argument at all.

Even if you have an excellent relationship, it's eventually going to chip away at your patience if someone starts turning up at the wrong time and refuses to quickly ask if it's ok to come, for no good reason

This is it. Because OP or anyone would feel awful and uncomfortable saying 'no thanks' when they've already turned up, especially if they made a journey, or brought presents. It's not fair to impose like that unless you know for certain they wouldn't mind (ie. Have actually said "you're welcome anytime").

Oh dear sweets for your child at 5pm I guess it's compulsory you can't put them away for later. She must be such an awful rude mother in law to dare to do this even once. If she does it again, tell your husband to sort it out that if she makes a habit NO CONTACT and the police will be called if she shows up without 48 hours notice. Thats what I would say, put her in her place!

😂