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Original poster

Mother-in-law turned up unannounced

266 replies

HopeG · 07/06/2023 19:52

My MIL turned up unannounced this evening.

Came round with gifts for my 5-year-old at about 5pm from her holiday (including sweets which she knows we don’t like giving him) and stayed until 7pm.

She has never turned up without calling or texting before. My husband was out picking up our family takeaway and I had got into my pyjamas as we weren’t expecting visitors.

To me it seems very rude just to turn up unannounced.

What would you do about it?

Best to ignore on this occasion and get husband to raise it with her if it happens again?

OP posts:
Absolem76 · 07/06/2023 20:03

It's not rude.
I find it very sad that anyone should feel that it is. Your poor mother in law.

volcanoroll · 07/06/2023 20:04

You could give her a standing invite to pop in any Wednesday she wants then she won't he unexpected?

3girls1boy1puppy · 07/06/2023 20:05

A weird neighbour you don’t know all that well, a colleague, a distant relative…….. these would all be weird and would warrant having a polite word asking not to turn up unannounced. Your partners Mum and your kids Grandma, blimey this is totally normal. I would think how lovely that she missed the kids and wanted to see us all straight away. 5-7pm. Not even past the kids bedtime.

barmycatmum · 07/06/2023 20:06

I disagree with PPs. My gosh, not sure why everyone is down your throat about this!

I don’t like unannounced visitors, either. In fact, cannot STAND them to the point of - I will not answer the door.
But I work at home, and I’ll be working at odd hours and really can’t be interrupted.

so just ask her to text or phone next time?

this sounds like a one-off, since she was on a trip, so I’m not sure I would state the boundary right away.

maybe it would be easiest simply to not answer the door if you’re in your pyjamas looking forward to a rest - then if she asks, you can say you didn’t know to expect her, and you don’t answer the door unless you’ve arranged it.

it’s really common courtesy, in my world 🤷🏻‍♀️

bellac11 · 07/06/2023 20:06

I dont like visitors who Im not prepared for and particularly if I have my night clothes on for

So your options were - either dont answer the door or answer the door and say you were just getting ready for bed/having a bath/managing the kids etc etc

Having opened the door and invited her and not given any 'well I better let you go home now as we both have bits to do tonight', then you allowed her to stay for 2 hours, so what did you expect?

I wouldnt expect my partner to do something about that, I would manage the situation myself and as others have said you wouldnt have the same view about mum calling round probably

volcanoroll · 07/06/2023 20:07

you don’t answer the door unless you’ve arranged it. what? That's odd

nachotemple · 07/06/2023 20:07

these days it takes nothing to give a little notice. so yes YANBU

Sistanotcista · 07/06/2023 20:08

BodegaSushi · 07/06/2023 19:58

This guy absolutely nails how times have changed with unannounced visitors 😂 vm.tiktok.com/ZGJQeyx5U/

@BodegaSushi - this was utterly brilliant. Thank you for making me laugh out loud!

PrimalOwl10 · 07/06/2023 20:08

Poor Mil you don't like her do you

Thebigblueballoon · 07/06/2023 20:08

Yikes. I’ll prepare to be roasted then.
I’m with the few who said they’d be annoyed by an unannounced visit from MIL. And I live on the same street as mine.
What’s wrong with a quick text or a call? It’s so awkward to be faced with an unexpected visitor if there’s already something going on, doesn’t matter how trivial.

Mumof3girlsandaboy · 07/06/2023 20:11

oldestmumaintheworld · 07/06/2023 20:01

Good God you're miserable. I'm glad you're not my daughter in law.

😂

QueSyrahSyrah · 07/06/2023 20:12

I'm with OP and the few. I wouldn't relish any unannounced visitor turning up and staying for 2 hours when we were settling in for dinner and the evening, my own family included.

DH and his Mum are different to me and wouldn't mind popping in on each other a bit, but we live in a different country so it's a non-issue.

What would I actually do about it though? Have a moan to DH probably, and maybe, maybe ask her to text in advance next time, so we can see if she wants in on the takeaway or pretend we were going out.

saraclara · 07/06/2023 20:12

happystory · 07/06/2023 20:00

She's been on holiday, she missed her dgc, she brought a gift.....blimey....

You stole almost the exact words I was about to type.

Good grief OP. The woman's home from holiday, has missed her family and has presents for her DGC. And a few days from grandma is no issue at all..

I'd have appreciated a call beforehand, but I absolutely wouldn't be furious and feeling that something has to be said. It's a one of at this point. She's been away.

justanothermanicmonday1 · 07/06/2023 20:13

I think it’s rude. This happened to us once Sunday evening and we were all having a late nap as DD was teething. I was in my first trimester with my second. Was just awful timing and so unlike her. It was awkward but she apologised off her own accord and it never happened again lol …

Screamingabdabz · 07/06/2023 20:14

“I wouldnt expect my partner to do something about that, I would manage the situation myself and as others have said you wouldnt have the same view about mum calling round probably.”

I don’t think I’ve read anything more mean spirited than that. ‘Manage’ a mother/grandmother popping round to family? I wonder how you’ll feel being heartlessly ‘managed’ by a DIL when karma comes around.

volcanoroll · 07/06/2023 20:14

She wanted to surprise you! Didn't you miss her while she was away?

Doggymummar · 07/06/2023 20:14

Are you for real? Why is this a problem?

MichelleScarn · 07/06/2023 20:15

Ilovelurchers · 07/06/2023 19:55

Definitely go NC. What sort of person goes round to someone's house as late as 5pm? And takes SWEETS for A CHILD???

Madness.

I know, I'd be fumming!

Hyppogriff · 07/06/2023 20:16

You sound completely nuts ! She’s family
you should welcome her and not expect her to book an appointment

drpet49 · 07/06/2023 20:17

Amsooverthis · 07/06/2023 19:55

Oh my goodness, she came with presents, she's the kids grandmother, surely there must be more to this? I can't believe that it is an issue unless she is a PITA in other family dynamics.

This. Get a grip OP

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 07/06/2023 20:17

Wow, aren't you a nice DIL.

My door is open for family, any time.

BittenontheBum · 07/06/2023 20:19

I had grandparents with this attitude.
I had zero relationship by the time they died.
Really sad 😔

suburbophobe · 07/06/2023 20:23

She’s family. It isn’t rude.

It is actually. To turn up at somebody's doorstep unannounced.

Without a normal checking if it's convenient, it's just MEMEME.

Crazycrazylady · 07/06/2023 20:24

Go no contact immediately. That bitch Shock

Rockingchai · 07/06/2023 20:25

BodegaSushi · 07/06/2023 19:58

This guy absolutely nails how times have changed with unannounced visitors 😂 vm.tiktok.com/ZGJQeyx5U/

This is brilliant!