Mother-in-law turned up unannounced

[HopeG]

My MIL turned up unannounced this evening.

Came round with gifts for my 5-year-old at about 5pm from her holiday (including sweets which she knows we don’t like giving him) and stayed until 7pm.

She has never turned up without calling or texting before. My husband was out picking up our family takeaway and I had got into my pyjamas as we weren’t expecting visitors.

To me it seems very rude just to turn up unannounced.

What would you do about it?

Best to ignore on this occasion and get husband to raise it with her if it happens again?

I agree, she was very unkind to MIL! Hopefully she’s learnt from this, will return after a while and with a different name

I didn't read anything in the OP to suggest that she was mean to her MIL, even though she didn't like the surprise visit. Don't turn this into something it isn't.

Yep , there are heaps of monstrous DILs on mumsnet . Imagine having to come on a public forum and spout off about MIL coming around without prior warning and being vilified for it. Her ears must be fucking burning !

My mum normally gives a quick call before she comes over just in case we're eating and is fairly quick on the uptake if we're busy when she arrives but seriously! There will come a day when she won't visit anymore (MiL died a couple of years ago) and I'm happy she comes over to see my youngest ( age 15) even if sometimes it's not really convenient.

This is completely normal in my family and I love it. All are welcome and greeted warmly. If eating they’re welcome at the table to join in conversation or some prefer to wait on the sofa. I can see if you’re not used to it for it to seem wired but be grateful they want to come over and have bought gifts, no matter what they are.

A few isn't between 2-3

A couple= 2

A few = more than 2 but not a lot. It depends on what the thing is.

"I phoned her a few times this year," could be ten times. Depends on what you think of as a lot.

"On holiday we went to a few local attractions." That's not 2-3.

"We were at the party for a few hours." Sounds like between 3-x hours, depending on what you think is a lot.

Not 2-3 hours.

Seriously…??

Stop being so self-centred, that was a lovely thing for your MIL to do.

You would do well to learn from her love and kindness.

What goes around comes around. In this case your children will take in how you treat their granny and you may find in the future you will not be welcome in their house! It can get lonely!

I completely understand your view. I have ADHD, PTSD and a variety of other things. I set the boundary very early on with friends and family that they need to arrange a visit with us. If anyone shows up unannounced they don't step foot in the house. Our energy company has sent people out to check our meter readings without contacting us and they are also denied entry and sent away. If no boundary has been set and it's important to you then you need to make it clear. Luckily I haven't had any issues with my friends and family because they understand it's rude to just show up as we could be having food or having "special cuddles". I get some people don't mind family just dropping in but your house isn't their house and they shouldn't just expect entry and to be hosted when it suits them. IMO it's rude and selfish to believe that.

This is exactly what I have to do to see my sons family, he has to ask his wife if it’s ok, mostly it’s not ok and they might or might not get back to me with a time I can see them, but her mum can go in any day any time. It’s different apparently, can’t be arsed anymore with being treated like a second class citizen by my own son.

Go no contact. You can't have virtual strangers showing love to your child.

Lots of weirdos on mumsnet .

She's family and this is normal behaviour unless there's a lot you're not telling us.

My thoughts exactly!!!!

I also think your kid should complain that you dont give him sweets. That’s the real issue here!!!!!

I'm so sorry that you're treated like this. My friend is going through the same. She's a really good person who treats her DIL well and with warmth, and hasn't committed any MIL faux pas that either of us is aware of. Yet she rarely gets to visit or be visited, while the her DIL's mum is constantly in and out of her son's house.

What a heinous crime. How dare she.
Set a boundary immediately. Even NC.
Sighs…..glad you have nothing awful to worry about. Try a glass of wine.