Mother-in-law turned up unannounced

[HopeG]

My MIL turned up unannounced this evening.

Came round with gifts for my 5-year-old at about 5pm from her holiday (including sweets which she knows we don’t like giving him) and stayed until 7pm.

She has never turned up without calling or texting before. My husband was out picking up our family takeaway and I had got into my pyjamas as we weren’t expecting visitors.

To me it seems very rude just to turn up unannounced.

What would you do about it?

Best to ignore on this occasion and get husband to raise it with her if it happens again?

WWID if my MIL called by at 5? I’d keel over in surprise as she lives over 3.5 hours away, but if she was local… Apologise for the PJs, ask her to help with dinner, and pop the kettle on. That’s what I’d do.

She’s family. It’s not like she let herself in.

@Billyho so glad that you find my trauma and responses to it 'Jesus' worthy.

You’re being ridiculous!

Get help FFS!

@Billyho you're delightful.

I have had a similar trauma, although it was a policeman at my door bearing the news. However if my MIL knocked on my door unannounced, clutching sweets and gifts for my child and presumably with a cherry greeting, I’m confident that’s not where my mind would go.

I think it's rude to turn up to someone's house without texting or calling first. I don't even pop into my parents and they wouldn't dream of popping in to me. We always text first. I have my own key and always ring the bell before unlocking the front door. No one wants to catch there parents shagging.

Thank you!

MIL knocks on door = death 💀!

Okay then….

Wow. Honestly can't she just pop in? She was probably desperate to see the kids after holiday. We don't make appointments to see close family.

@DanceMonster that's great. Unfortunately, if I'm not expecting someone to turn up and they do, my mind goes to worse case scenario.

Another one who can’t stand unannounced visitors. My house is usually a mess, I’m often in pjs and I will probably be either organising things for work, trying to tackle said mess with what little energy I have left or resting and having time I need to myself, I find it very difficult to engage in these situations. I think it’s related to being an introvert. This applies to any visitor including close family. On the other hand DD when she leaves home will always be welcome as this will always be her home.

Even if they’re smiling and carrying presents?

Jesus Christ 🥲

@DanceMonster I wouldn't know that until I'd actually got to the door.

I'd know someone had turned up as soon as they got to the drive. I'd see it was someone I knew on the camera. If they were unexpected, my mind would automatically go to the worse case scenario. Granted, it wouldn't be there for long because I would go to the door straight away, but it would go there.

Everyone has just piled onto OP because the first few posts were negative and see it as a green light to stick the boot in.

I can see why some people mind.

OP, myself and other posters do. I had this two weeks ago and found it very intrusive and was really annoyed. Apparently I was 'told' the day before that it would be happening.

I’ve not done that, it’s because I think she’s absolutely totally wrong.

Wow the audacity of some mil’s. Such toxic behaviour 🤯 feel sorry for her I’d be very angry if dh felt this about my dm!

Oh please!!!

Another one that would hate it. I’m often walking around topless as it’s my home and I’m breastfeeding and it’s more comfortable.

My ex mil I wouldn’t have minded so much (but still would have preferred a heads up to tidy etc), but then she would have never done it and if she had the minute she saw takeout arrive she would have apologised and made moves to leave. Because she was so very respectful and sweet in that scenario I’d have invited her to stay and ordered more to accommodate her. We were very close and I really missed her (not the ex) after that relationship ended.

My current mil is a nasty piece of work and incredibly intrusive. It’s all about context really.

It can be slightly annoying but fine for an otherwise lovely mil or intrusive if it’s someone who you have a baseline poor relationship with.

Also depends on your lifestyle. Whilst not on mat leave I work very long hours with long travel time as does DP and evenings are usually spent frantically trying play catch up on both chores and rest, so it would be really annoying to have a guest invite themselves in and set us behind.

I would probably chill the fuck out, put the kettle on, ask her about the holiday & see what kind of sweeties she had for us.

It depends on your boundaries I suppose but she sounds like she was excited to see her family after being on holiday. It wouldn't be a big deal to me at all and honestly you sound like a bit of a grump unless there is a particularly bad history between you. I don't think you can make a big deal out of it happening once, you'd sound really mean. If it keeps happening then sure, but come on...she was gone by 7, hardly the evening ruined.

Exactly!!

The most Mumsnet comment ever

What would I do? Faint, my mother in law is dead.

Seriously though, I'd ask her what she wanted from the takeaway. Its your husbands mum, not Putin

Especially sweets!

'Someone's house' ....sure

Your son and grandchildren's? That's pretty sad