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Original poster

Mother-in-law turned up unannounced

266 replies

HopeG · 07/06/2023 19:52

My MIL turned up unannounced this evening.

Came round with gifts for my 5-year-old at about 5pm from her holiday (including sweets which she knows we don’t like giving him) and stayed until 7pm.

She has never turned up without calling or texting before. My husband was out picking up our family takeaway and I had got into my pyjamas as we weren’t expecting visitors.

To me it seems very rude just to turn up unannounced.

What would you do about it?

Best to ignore on this occasion and get husband to raise it with her if it happens again?

OP posts:
Clafoutie · 07/06/2023 20:49

But you mustn’t ring a doorbell on Mumsnet!

Wexone · 07/06/2023 20:49

5pm? plus why would you get into yoru pyjamas when your going to eat dinner ? what happens if you spill your dinner on your pyjamas do you still go to bed with them on ? would you be very annoyed if it was your own mother ? as people say unless there is a back story to your relationship with in laws then I would have smiled do you wnat a cup of tea and listened to her stories about her hols. I am sure the kids were delighted to see her too.

DanceMonster · 07/06/2023 20:50

What an absolute cow, bringing presents for her grandchild 🙄

BurbageBrook · 07/06/2023 20:51

I think it's rude to turn up unannounced! She could easily have texted you or called first.

Anoisagusaris · 07/06/2023 20:51

Being in your pyjamas at 5pm in the middle of summer is also strange. Actually at any time of the year (unless you are sick of course) but especially with the bright evenings.

MysteryBelle · 07/06/2023 20:53

You’re nuts.

BeverlyHa · 07/06/2023 20:54

sweets. lol. all mums give sweets to their kids after school, right at the school gate or few streets down , right at the first newsagents. Because it is the MIL, is now SIN

Hbh17 · 07/06/2023 20:58

Being "family" is completely irrelevant. If a visitor wants to come over, they should always get in touch first to make sure that it's convenient - just common sense and courtesy. Relatives don't get to wander in and out whenever they feel like it and, for many of us, they are likely to be the people we DON'T want to see!

Billyho · 07/06/2023 20:58

Log it with 101

Go no contact

get a ring doorbell

never ever answer answer your door again, unless you’re expecting someone!

get therapy

NIparty · 07/06/2023 20:59

FatCatBum · 07/06/2023 19:56

I completely disagree with PP, it's massively intrusive to randomly turn up unannounced and expect someone's attention for two hours, regardless of whether they are family. I would not be impressed and if it happened again I'd want my DH to have a word

Yea this. Some people like unannounced visitors, others don't. I hate people who just "pop in" because it suited them. It doesn't suit me and you didn't even give me the choice because you didn't want me to say no. Your time was more important than my time, and what you wanted to do more important than what i wanted. Sorry no, ita my house so my wishes outrank yours. I dont care if you love unexpected visitors, there's nothing I hate more. I think it's terrible manners. Rude and entitled. You know you wanted to come in enough time to pack stuff and drive here, so you could have a least texted a heads up. Annoys my head.

This has become even more of a bitter resentment of mine since I started WFM as a single mother of 3 kids with very busy and hectic social lives and hobbies to run around for and plan/organise around without people throwing unexpected spanners in the works.

whycantmenfindstuff · 07/06/2023 21:01

You put your PJs on at 5pm?

😀

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 07/06/2023 21:04

Anoisagusaris · 07/06/2023 20:51

Being in your pyjamas at 5pm in the middle of summer is also strange. Actually at any time of the year (unless you are sick of course) but especially with the bright evenings.

What part of getting changed in to something comfortable when she has no plans to leave her home strange?

Louoby · 07/06/2023 21:05

Of course it's rude. Ignore all the other comments. Just because she's family doesn't give the right to turn up unannounced without even messaging or telephoning first!

Applecoresweet · 07/06/2023 21:05

She probably just didn't realised she needed a formal appointment to drop in on family.

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 07/06/2023 21:06

If someone turned up without contacting me first I would think something was wrong.

My mind would automatically go to a death in the family.

NIparty · 07/06/2023 21:07

Applecoresweet · 07/06/2023 21:05

She probably just didn't realised she needed a formal appointment to drop in on family.

I hate this dramatic tripe every time someone gets annoyed by unannounced visitors.

Don't need a formal appointment but a text as a heads up so I can put bra on ffs

PizzaPizza56 · 07/06/2023 21:08

My MIL did this once and DH (and his sister) went mental at her. I had just had a baby and was learning to breastfeed and DH was at work.

My own mum would never dream of just turning up and she lives much closer to us than MIL does. DM respects our privacy, MIL does not.

tinytemper66 · 07/06/2023 21:09

How would your husband react if it was your mother who has just turned up unannounced?

Billyho · 07/06/2023 21:09

HopeG · 07/06/2023 19:52

My MIL turned up unannounced this evening.

Came round with gifts for my 5-year-old at about 5pm from her holiday (including sweets which she knows we don’t like giving him) and stayed until 7pm.

She has never turned up without calling or texting before. My husband was out picking up our family takeaway and I had got into my pyjamas as we weren’t expecting visitors.

To me it seems very rude just to turn up unannounced.

What would you do about it?

Best to ignore on this occasion and get husband to raise it with her if it happens again?

Best to ask husband if he had any issue with it! It’s not all about you!!

volcanoroll · 07/06/2023 21:09

PizzaPizza56 · 07/06/2023 21:08

My MIL did this once and DH (and his sister) went mental at her. I had just had a baby and was learning to breastfeed and DH was at work.

My own mum would never dream of just turning up and she lives much closer to us than MIL does. DM respects our privacy, MIL does not.

That's different

Thebigblueballoon · 07/06/2023 21:10

Anoisagusaris · 07/06/2023 20:51

Being in your pyjamas at 5pm in the middle of summer is also strange. Actually at any time of the year (unless you are sick of course) but especially with the bright evenings.

Right. So you have to sit in your pearls and silk until an appropriate time of night?

SparkyBlue · 07/06/2023 21:10

Poor woman trying to do something nice

Billyho · 07/06/2023 21:11

PizzaPizza56 · 07/06/2023 21:08

My MIL did this once and DH (and his sister) went mental at her. I had just had a baby and was learning to breastfeed and DH was at work.

My own mum would never dream of just turning up and she lives much closer to us than MIL does. DM respects our privacy, MIL does not.

If only the situation was the same, then your post would be relevant! 🤦‍♀️

Billyho · 07/06/2023 21:12

Thebigblueballoon · 07/06/2023 21:10

Right. So you have to sit in your pearls and silk until an appropriate time of night?

Show quote history

I think shorts and tee shirt would suffice!

Billyho · 07/06/2023 21:14

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 07/06/2023 21:06

If someone turned up without contacting me first I would think something was wrong.

My mind would automatically go to a death in the family.

Jesus….

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