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Original poster

Mother-in-law turned up unannounced

266 replies

HopeG · 07/06/2023 19:52

My MIL turned up unannounced this evening.

Came round with gifts for my 5-year-old at about 5pm from her holiday (including sweets which she knows we don’t like giving him) and stayed until 7pm.

She has never turned up without calling or texting before. My husband was out picking up our family takeaway and I had got into my pyjamas as we weren’t expecting visitors.

To me it seems very rude just to turn up unannounced.

What would you do about it?

Best to ignore on this occasion and get husband to raise it with her if it happens again?

OP posts:
suburbophobe · 07/06/2023 20:26

My door is open for family, any time.

Well, great for you. Some of us have boundaries.

Surroundedbyfools · 07/06/2023 20:26

I’m guessing there’s a bit of a back story here between u and her ?

I wouldn’t really bat an eyelid if my mother in law turned up unannounced.

KR2023 · 07/06/2023 20:26

but she also did weird shit like watching DH through the window because she needed to see him

😂😂😂

what a nutter

LadyGaGasPokerFace · 07/06/2023 20:27

Well, that’s not too bad. You could take the sweets and hide them.
At least she’s not like my mil who lives 5 hours away, whilst I was on holiday in the Caribbean obtained a key from fil (they’re divorced) and I looked on my cctv briefly and saw mil’s car on my driveway and she’d decided to use my house as a hotel whilst she visited friends 😏 without any permission. Dh at least had the balls to tell her to never do that again and asked for the key back.

martinisforeveryone · 07/06/2023 20:27

HopeG · 07/06/2023 19:52

My MIL turned up unannounced this evening.

Came round with gifts for my 5-year-old at about 5pm from her holiday (including sweets which she knows we don’t like giving him) and stayed until 7pm.

She has never turned up without calling or texting before. My husband was out picking up our family takeaway and I had got into my pyjamas as we weren’t expecting visitors.

To me it seems very rude just to turn up unannounced.

What would you do about it?

Best to ignore on this occasion and get husband to raise it with her if it happens again?

@HopeG what kind of relationship do you and your DC have with MIL as a rule? She must've felt comfortable just popping around.

Are your feelings mostly of embarrassment? because you were in your PJs so early?

Honestly, just chill and think it was nice that she wanted to see you and bring some gifts. The occasional present of sweets isn't going to ruin your DC.

Definitely don't ask your DH to 'have a word' If you really, really feel something needs to be said, confide in your MIL, keep it really light and say you felt a bit embarrassed at being in your PJs for an early night and would she mind dropping you a message first if she decides on an impromptu visit again.

StartinOverAgain · 07/06/2023 20:28

5pm - hardly a crime she was probably escorted to see her grandchild after a holiday and came with treats which even as adults are typically things we shouldn't normally have.

I'd be thrilled my child's grandparents were so close tbh

suburbophobe · 07/06/2023 20:29

but she also did weird shit like watching DH through the window because she needed to see him

😂😂😂

what a nutter^

God yes, There IS life after your kids leave home,

She's sounds deranged. Tell her to get a hobby.

Fedupwife28 · 07/06/2023 20:29

Just send her a text yourself saying “rude bitch”, she’ll get the picture 🙄.

Seriously, you sound a bit like hard work.

Opaque11 · 07/06/2023 20:30

So she has never done this before and you felt the need to bitch about her. You sound awful!! She was probably just excited to see her gc after the trip.

Anoisagusaris · 07/06/2023 20:31

What would I do? I’d thank her coming, make her a cup of tea and chat to her? Like a normal person would.

violetscarlet · 07/06/2023 20:31

Jeez. Chill out, be kind and grateful. Your attitude is crap.

Energydrink · 07/06/2023 20:31

Get a grip!!

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 07/06/2023 20:38

I'd be pissed off.

I can't imagine just turning up to someone's house without a quick text/call first.

Especially not someone with children, at 5pm, which is almost dinner time for most.

What did you do with the takeaway? Sit and eat in front of her? Or have it sit getting cold?

Once off, not worth saying anything. If it happens again say you'd like to be asked if you are free before visits.

Aslanplustwo · 07/06/2023 20:39

Oh for goodness sake........ What is wrong with the world that a grandparent can't turn up with a few sweets for their GC at 5 pm? Thank goodness I didn't have DC and so won't have to go through all this evil MIL shit that appears on MN every single day. I didn't get on particularly well with my MIL but if she had committed this "crime" I wouldn't have turned a hair - and I don't expect anyone to let me know in advance that they will be visiting, especially family.

Aslanplustwo · 07/06/2023 20:40

Anoisagusaris · 07/06/2023 20:31

What would I do? I’d thank her coming, make her a cup of tea and chat to her? Like a normal person would.

Yes, that is exactly what a normal person would do. Sadly, there do not seem to be many normal people on MN.

ThatFraggle · 07/06/2023 20:41

BittenontheBum · 07/06/2023 20:19

I had grandparents with this attitude.
I had zero relationship by the time they died.
Really sad 😔

Do you mean your grandparents turned up unannounced and were cut off for that, or your grandparents were unwelcoming to guests and thus the relationship dwindled?

reddragon7 · 07/06/2023 20:42

This is hilarious and serious for no reason. I don’t see the issue, she’s his mother at the end of the day. It sounds like you don’t like her in general or there’s a whole back story as to why you sound so bitter. She is family and simply dropped by to visit. That’s all there is to it.

UsherBobble · 07/06/2023 20:42

To be honest it terrifies me that I may end up with a daughter in law like you. I've seen so many posts on MN like this and it's awful. Poor woman.

Panama2 · 07/06/2023 20:43

Just remember your son will grow up and you will be a MIL hopefully you will be made welcome.

FatCatBum · 07/06/2023 20:44

I don't tend to announce I'm visiting someone I might give them a quick text to check they are in.

You are contacting them before turning up and checking they are in, therefore it's not unannounced - if they don't want to see you right now they can just say no.

Waiting until you are on their doorstep and then only have the option of ignoring the door or dealing with the intrusion is what I would consider unannounced (and rude)

SylvanianFrenemies · 07/06/2023 20:44

Log it with 101 OP. Can't be too careful.

Loveallotments · 07/06/2023 20:45

SylvanianFrenemies · 07/06/2023 20:44

Log it with 101 OP. Can't be too careful.

Do it now, in case she's thinking of coming round again. Boundaries, don't y know.

FatCatBum · 07/06/2023 20:48

UsherBobble · 07/06/2023 20:42

To be honest it terrifies me that I may end up with a daughter in law like you. I've seen so many posts on MN like this and it's awful. Poor woman.

Just send a text and check it's convenient, it's not that hard

NetflixAndGin · 07/06/2023 20:49

I'm with you OP. My own space is so precious to me as a very introverted and anxious person. People turning up (anyone, including my best friend or mum) unannounced would really stress me out and throw me off. Totally get it.

Cas112 · 07/06/2023 20:49

I actually hate anyone just turning up to my house OP, including family so I understand 😂 but if it's a one off I would just get over it

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