Now that I lost weight , he wants me to gain it back

[Lebruitetlodeur]

I want to say , that firstly English isn't my first language.

I have been using the weight loss of mumsnet category a lot help me, I lost the weight and now that I did he is mad because of it. I asked multiple times "why" he just says "I miss your curves".

When my partner of 7 years, I was already overweight, so I didn't change or anything. Then last July, a year ago nearly, I put gave birth. Lost the baby weight but was still overweight.

He then started saying things about my weight, how he wanted a skinniet wife who wears bodycons and "looks good in them". Because I had a couple. He gave me an ultimatum "You lose the weight or your baby will be fatherless". It's painful for me because I am fatherless. So I did everything I could, and lost the weight. Wore his stupid clothes he wanted so bad, hear shit like " I am so proud to have a hot wife".

Then 2 weeks ago, he said I have to put on the weight again, because he doesn't find me as attractive with all the loose skin, my smaller breasts. That when he asked me to get skinnier he envisaged something else. A wife that can wear bikinis on the beach but that I'd look ridiculous with all the loose skin. Either I put on weight, either he leaves me and his daughter.

Any advice??

I mean...he's a controlling horrible sounding man and I think you ought to leave him. It's your body, not his. He doesn't get a say in it

I would get rid of him

This is truly painful to read. What an awful abusive man. It's your body. I wouldn't want to be with a man who treated me this way. Sending hugs to you OP, I would leave him, your daughter will be better off without a father than watching her mother be treated like this

Do not deliberately gain weight just to please a fickle, abusive man. Let him leave you. He's going to find an excuse to, regardless. I'm sure you don't want your daughter growing up thinking that it's OK for a man to constantly belittle and manipulate his partner.

What a horrible man.

He should care about you being healthy.

Lose him.

I bet if you regained the weight he'd find something else to bring you down with. He is emotionally blackmailing you to try and manipulate and keep you in his control.

I'd be taking the partnerless & fatherless option in a flash

Open the door and bye bye bum!!

His threat to you both times was your child would be fatherless which is so so cruel to you and your DC

Lose even more weight and kick him out!

He wasn't happy when you were larger, he isn't happy now you are thinner - he just isn't going to be happy whatever you do. Do what makes you feel healthy and confident, he'll have to deal with it.

It is really bad for children to have a parent who continually goes on and on and on about body shape and size, it is a high risk for causing eating disorders in the children which are dangerous.

Time to lose the husband. He is controlling.

Either you leave him or you put up with living with this horrible man.

I am ok being partnerless but not ok with my daughter being fatherless. I always promise myself that if I have child s/he wouldn't be like me. Feel like I failed.

He's not always horrible. When I get mad or tell me to f off and leave then he actually apologises , buy me gifts.

Oh my word. Your poor child 😞

Since you have asked for advice, mine is: get over the idea that 'fatherless' is the worst thing that can happen to a child and don't bring you daughter up with this man in the household.

You think buying you gifts is nice after he's been awful to you?

Come on!!!

Google cycle of abuse op, its something abusive men do to make you stay.

Thank you. And I don't want to go back, I changed my entire lifestyle. "Oh you did before so you can do it again". Yes but not in 2 months. It was decades.

get rid of him. That’s not normal. You deserve better. He sounds vile.

My DD is 'fatherless'. We have a very happy life. She has positive male role models in her life. She has everything she needs.

You are teaching your daughter that women should be controlled and abused by their husbands. Are you ok with that?

My ex used to do that too. Flowers, diamonds, clothes. It took me a long time to realise that's part of the abuse, & dump the bastard.

Non non non non non. The last thing I want is for my daughter to be with a man like her father. Wow writing this sentence is , I don't know which word to use.

There is no other role male models in her life though. Uncles, grandfather. I am not allowed male friends.

No. I am not OK with that.

You don't have a weight problem, you have a DICK HEAD problem!!

This 'man' is controlling. It is abusive, end of.

You do not exist on this planet to fill his sexual desires. YOU and your baby come first, not him!

He sounds absolutely horrible and I'd bet everything I own that he's hardly a male model himself!!

Having no male role model is better than having a bad male role model.

I think you do need to make a lifestyle change - a lifestyle that doesn't involve him!!

I am not allowed male friends.

Who says that?

I know you said that you don't want your daughter growing up fatherless, but do you want her growing up in a home where her father cares only about what she looks like? Do you want her to learn that this is what men want, and this is how men treat women?