Now that I lost weight , he wants me to gain it back

[Lebruitetlodeur]

I want to say , that firstly English isn't my first language.

I have been using the weight loss of mumsnet category a lot help me, I lost the weight and now that I did he is mad because of it. I asked multiple times "why" he just says "I miss your curves".

When my partner of 7 years, I was already overweight, so I didn't change or anything. Then last July, a year ago nearly, I put gave birth. Lost the baby weight but was still overweight.

He then started saying things about my weight, how he wanted a skinniet wife who wears bodycons and "looks good in them". Because I had a couple. He gave me an ultimatum "You lose the weight or your baby will be fatherless". It's painful for me because I am fatherless. So I did everything I could, and lost the weight. Wore his stupid clothes he wanted so bad, hear shit like " I am so proud to have a hot wife".

Then 2 weeks ago, he said I have to put on the weight again, because he doesn't find me as attractive with all the loose skin, my smaller breasts. That when he asked me to get skinnier he envisaged something else. A wife that can wear bikinis on the beach but that I'd look ridiculous with all the loose skin. Either I put on weight, either he leaves me and his daughter.

Any advice??

Speak ENGLISH please! I literally can't speak/understand any language other than English!

to newtb
Speak ENGLISH please!
I've no idea what language you're using or what you're saying. I'm English, in England, and literally can't speak or understand any language other than English! Thanks!

TattyOne I think it translates as 'There is a word for someone like this - jerk, in my opinion'.

Try Google Translate.

It's people wanting to reach out to someone in a vulnerable position, by sending short messages in her own language. It helps her feel heard.

Just ignore the posts in French if it bothers you.

This is not your thread.

People can write in whatever language they want to try to help an non native English speaker who is being abused.

TattyOne
STFU. If a person whose first language is not English gets a few responses in her native French which can help her, who the hell do you think you are demanding that only English is used?

As for you not knowing what language is being used the OP has said she's French.
She wrote that in English!!!

If your DD ends up fatherless it will not be because of you, it will be because of her useless abusive father walking away!
What will happen if you stay and he turns his abuse onto your DD? Will she need to lose weight or do better at school to be worthy of his love?

There have been kids in my classes who are 5/6 who already have ingrained issues with body image and food. Do not think that by waiting until she is 7/8 you will avoid him putting this on her. By then she will also ha e an established relationship ship with him she is less likely to let go of easily - especially if he will 'make her fatherless' I.e. walk away entirely.

And if you leave him you WILL be allowed male friends... he cannot stop you! But get some counselling for yourself before any new relationship... try the freedom programme. No he isn't thumping you (yet..) but he is still abusing you.

Je me rejoigns à ce qui disent les autres - c'est un c**d abusif, pas quelqu'un qui t'aime, ni quelqu'un qui peut aimer ta fille.

Ma copine de fac avait un père qui misait tout sur le look de sa maman, trop grasse, pas assez grasse, trop blonde, pas assez blonde etc. etc. sans fin. Ce n'était qu'un moyen de la contrôler. Et comme par hasard, ma copine subissait le même traitement de lui. Elle s'automutilait pour se soulager - les bras, le visage. Elle a dû être hospitalisée plusieurs fois, elle a dû répéter une année.

C'est une fille magnifique, aimante avec un coeur grand comme le monde, mais on ne pouvait pas lui faire voir ça.

Il y a un programme qui s'appelle le Freedom Programme qui peut t'aider (https://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/index.php) et le bouquin par Lundy Bancroft, 'Why Does He Do That?' est souvent recommandé par des usagers Mumsnet.

Courage à toi 💐

Your daughter should not grow up around such a controlling and narrow minded man. I hate to think what comments he would start making to her directly from the age of 10 - 11 onwards. That's after 10 years of her seeing first hand how badly you are being treated.
That's not the father she needs in her life.

That's why he wants you to put the weight on again - he thinks you might realise you don't have to put up with his shit.

Dump him and you and your daughter will be absolutely fine.

God the entitlement of this post is genuinely staggering.

OP said she is French.

People have been kind and sent supportive replies in French to help make her feel supported.

I don't speak French. I was curious as to what they said so I copy and pasted into Google translate. It took a few seconds.

Your convenience is not more important than the feelings of a woman in an abusive relationship.

You've got to be kidding with this, it's not all about you! If you don't understand something scroll to the next one you do understand

Hi everyone for your advices. I had a discussion with him last night, I wish he could understand English so I'd show him this.

• By using the word "fatherless" I didn't want to insult anyone. I am sorry if I did. Plus I didn't mean parents who co parent.

I don't have a father because my mum ran away from him when she was pregnant. He was abusive. She never remarried. I envied all my friends who had a dad. Always wanted the attention of men. It might explain why my partner is 27 years older than me.

I see myself in my daughter, she looks so much like me. I don't want her to feel like I did. I was so rude and nasty to her about the dad thing.

Merci beaucoup. Merci infiniment. Il ne m'a jamais frappé et il n'est pas toujours con avec moi. Je me vexe facilement, en tout cas c'est ce ma famille m'a toujours dis en grandissant. Je ne veux pas laisser ça prendre le dessus et priver ma gamine d'un père.

He will speak like this to your daughter when she grows up. She will then meet a man who treats her in the same way. Maybe then she will have a daughter and her daughters father will do the same.
You can stop this and show both yourself and your daughter that this isn’t okay.

He threatens to leave you to bring your daughter up alone but never does it because you do what he wants. He never carries through on his threats partly because he knows that you will do what he wants but also because he knows that no one else would tolerate his behaviour.

Everyone talk about "making efforts in a relationship".

What is the difference here? Oh I am crazy

making efforts in a relationship

Are you saying you don't know the difference between "making an effort" in a relationship and ....... your partner ordering you to lose weight or he'll leave you and your child; then (when you do) ordering you to put it back on cause he didn't realise you'd have loose skin and smaller breasts?

Oh putain. That is scary.

I guess not.. I ask stuff him too, to not shave cause he looks better etc...

Perhaps suggest you would find him less unattractive if he had his dick enlarged....

@Lebruitetlodeur it is scary but it’s reality.

Thank you so much.

Not really the same as losing a pile of bodyweight and putting it back on, is it?

Plus I'm presuming you didn't say "stop shaving or I'll leave you and deny you access to your child"??

So I failed, because my mother ran away pregnant from my father. I am going to do the same now.

He will not coparent, he just told me he'd go back to his home country, Malaysia and forget about his baby. How do I stop the cycle? Because even without a dad I am in the same type of position.