Found a mobile in DH's desk draw

[worried2jsb]

I was tidying up DH's home office when I found a mysterious mobile in the draw, I feel devastated. I managed to turn it on but it's got a passcode.

After all the times I've read about this on mumsnet I never thought it would happen to me but when I think about it he has been distant lately, seems distracted and he has been working late popping off to meeting later in the day etc.

DH doesnt know I've found it and he is out at the moment, does anyone have any words of advice or how to go about bringing it up?

On the other hand, some people would rather be known for looking the other way and not wanting to know the truth of a matter. Uninterested, obtuse, lazy, cowardly.

That's their decision, on their own lives and relationships. They're not moral failures because they don't live their lives the way you want them to.

Because it's his business which he runs from his home office? It's right there in the first message.

But those aren't the only categories, are they? There's another batch of would-be Miss Marples who make facts up, jump to irrational conclusions that aren't justified by the facts and try to get excitement in their limited lives by making other people miserable. Equally obtuse and lazy, but actively harmful also.

There are clearly a number of people on this thread who fall into that category.

Why would he mention getting a work phone? I’ve never discussed my work phone with my husband, or anyone else other than IT when it wasn’t working, and my line manager when I needed a replacement.

But then they wouldn’t be Miss Marples, would they?

I only use my professional titles in a professional environment. Online I don’t have an ego and I’m happy for you to call me Mrs.

🙄

If you want to be a moral failure, go ahead. I don’t want anything for you except the very best. That’s what I want. Is that ok?

I think people should leave the op alone now.

The abuse you are keen to heap on women who choose to stay or ignore is very interesting, and rather common on here. It's because, like many others, your priority is not the wellbeing of a wife and family, but that a cheater must be punished at all costs.

That's why it's not enough for you that you personally would definitely leave if you were cheated on (as is right for many people). You also need to denigrate those who would make a different decision, and how. Lazy, obtuse, cowardly...strong words for a personal and intimate decision that has nothing to do with you. And a rather horrible way of abusing and blaming a betrayed spouse while claiming moral superiority. Why does it matter so much to you what others do with their personal lives? Why do you think they're worse people than you if they don't make your choices?

I've not been cheated on to my knowledge, so I've no skin in this game. But the MN obsession with punishing cheaters at any cost, up to and including insulting and castigating betrayed wives, is distasteful.

I take it that would be Detective Inspector, then.

You still haven't said what is ageist or misogynistic about my comment. Unless we are assuming that I am poking fun at "amateur Miss Marples" purely because they are old (which is a bit of a leap), or female (which is less so, given the MN demographic). Still not sure how it would be misogynistic, though, as leaping to ridiculous conclusions is by no means a female preserve.

By that token neither would your second category.

Hmm. If that was genuine and I was him I'd say here look... look at all these test messages and their replies. Easy proof.

This thread is wild.

It’s also over (the thread I mean). My husband is out to dinner - I wonder if he’s cheating on me? Bon nuit.

I'm really happy that all has worked out well, OP. Maybe now just try to steer the conversation with your husband into the territory of his distance etc. Address what made you feel insecure. But it looks like he's innocent, just my humble opinion! When I first read your post I thought "why would he put a burner/affair phone somewhere she could EASILY find it?". Hope you feel better.

@worried2jsb
I would not remain in a relationship with someone that I trusted so little that a mere telephone would make me go all Sherlock on them.

Nor would want to remain married to someone who felt the need to search and tamper with my personal electronic devices. I would not be happy with someone who could not distinguish between personal and secret.

The honest and adult thing to do would have been to simply and directly ask him ( although you might ask why you had such a compelling reason to know), there was no reason to think cheating and move to Sherlock mode.

We don't know if he cheats, but we know that you are willing to sneak.

Of course the 2nd category are not Miss Marples. Please tell me you understand that. Oh my. I think I need a sherry or a glass of Miss Marple’s homemade cherry brandy.

Call me to our house OP. At any given time we’ve probably have 8/10 ‘old’ phones lying around in drawers here, there and everywhere. DH has always been insistent everyone get a new one every 2 years (???), so with a houseful of people it’s like they breed in drawers. I wouldn’t recognise any of them unless they have an old case of mine still on. Before people ask why they are not thrown out, we are the ‘go to’ people if someone has a phone that breaks/stops working/needs repair and an immediate replacement is needed. We have all types! Once every few years he does cull them down to 4-5 before they start breeding again.

Tesla app? Is that a typo?

It’s really not. I found a phone that my husband had left at home. It turned out it was a work phone. We both work in the same very small office together. He never told me they’d given him a phone. I have to say, I was not concerned when I found it - I trust him.

So, you wouldn’t necessarily be informed that he has a work phone.

OP: it seems he’s telling the truth. You’ve been through the phone and found nothing.

Quite - but hopefully OP and maligned DH will work through their issues

Would you really make that joke in front of a friend telling you all this? Have some empathy for a real life here.

I would not remain in a relationship with someone that I trusted so little that a mere telephone would make me go all Sherlock on them.

^ OK but it wasn't a mere telephone. There is also context about his behaviour.

He's lying op ! He knew you wouldn't look in it !!! That's why he had to add in he would be pretty upset after all these years !

Presumably he drives a Tesla because the cars have inbuilt trackers you can see on the app