Can someone tell me how I should feel over DH's bombshell? Money

[ASeagullNamedDog]

It turns out H has been raiding our savings for the last 18m-ish on the secret

He has spent £45k behind my back on fuck all - 37k of that in actual saved money, and wasting at least £800 per month out of his wages somewhere else

Nothing to show for it, says he doesn't know where it's gone

I've only found out as I asked him to transfer £15k for a big purchase

This money was earmarked for our children's future

This is divorce material, isn't it?

No secret children or other women, apparently not a gambling habit

I'm very calm but I'm not sure if I'm calm because I'm gonna crack up in an hour or two and bury him

Of course he knows, he doesn’t want to tell you. I also suspect gambling as other things are more noticeable.
I would divorce asap BEFORE he runs you into more debts. I know a family where they’ve lost their home because of this.

Definitely divorce.

The fact that he knows where it’s gone but won’t tell you is the reason for divorce. It indicates he’s not sorry and has no intention of changing his behaviour.

im so sorry. Lawyer up pronto to find out the best way of protecting yourself and the DC

Where’s the other house he’s funding? That’s about half another household costings, isn’t it? Cherchez la femme!

Well tell him now that he may be vulnerable tonight and hasn’t had too much time to close down and make up stuff that you’d like to see the bank statements, calmly. And insist
Much too much money for other than very serious issues unfortunately

It must be gambling. What a betrayal of trust and stupid thing to do.

What an awful thing to do.

Id play the supportive game tonight as in show me, we can get through this together for the kids sake, to see those bank statements. To hell with him, 18 months is not a 3 months spiral/overwhelmed issue

I’m not sure I could forgive that!

Can you transfer all the money out of the account? He can't be trusted. He knows where he's spent the money. It's either drugs, escorts, another woman or he's hiding a nest egg somewhere. He's a thief. He's basically stole from his own kids.

I'd tell him its transparency or the police, for theft.

Then divorce.

The police won't do anything if its a joint account. They will consider it his money. Morally its very wrong buy not legally.

Two and a half grand a month on 'I don't know'.

Yes, he fucking does. Every single penny of it.

Up his nose and servicing his cock is my bet if it's not online gambling.

Woah that's rough. My ex did this INFACT he also remortgage our home fraudulently, chech Experian etc as this might just be the tip of the iceberg. Mine spent it on escorts and alcohol.

Divorce for me anyway.
Couldn't be with someone who was so bad with money and then lied about it to boot .

That's insane. Have your bullshit detector on high alert these next few days while he works on his explanation.

His bank and credit card statements may jog his memory.

He is gambling.

Sorry OP, but I couldn't keep going after this. That is a huge betrayal.

But yes, I would probably play supportive and ask to see exactly what is going on.

Put a hold on your credit and also run a credit report. There may be credit cards out there. Run a search on your house too. And have your money put into another account.

Actually, I'd go to an accountant/solicitor and ask for help - you have no idea what might be out there.

He knows where is gone. He needs to say more

I agree with the others. There's no way he doesn't know where the money's gone. I'd want an answer to that question, regardless of what comes next.

In answer to your question, you should feel pretty fucking angry. He owes you a clear explanation for jeopardising your families financial future.

It's only really going to have gone on something bad isn't it - gambling, an addiction, an other woman/affair, paying for sex.

He's not admitting it because it's indefensible.

Definitely leave him. He's treated your children's future with disdain.

NOBODY can spend 37k cash (+ more out of wages) in a short space of time and not know what they've done with it. Not only has he spent it, he's bullshitting you too.

He's not admitting it because it's indefensible.

this is it really.

OP, you can think about why and the emotional impact etc. But seriously your priority in the next few days should be to protect your credit rating, your money, and your assets. Whatever he is doing (my guess is online gambling - should be illegal), he won't find it easy to stop. This is an ongoing problem.

Has it gone on crypto? I agree with PPs, he definitely does know where it's gone.