First time sex with new partner? Bringing up condoms?

[Dreamscape1]

Hi all,

I’ve been dating a guy for a few weeks, and we’re about to go on a fourth date tonight. He’s invited me around to his house and he’s going to cook, etc. I have a strong suspicion based on back and forth flirting that things might become physical. I’m on the contraceptive pill, which works really well for me with no side effects etc. However, I obviously want to use condoms as well for added protection from STIs etc.

However, I’m worried about having the condom conversation, mainly because most of the men I’ve ever dated have been very resistant to the idea. I’ve recently come out of a three year relationship with a man who refused to wear condoms. In fact, the only man who ever suggested using a condom was someone who had premature ejaculation and needed one to numb some of the sensation.

Women, how have you brought it up, and drawn that kind of line in the sand? I don’t want to be bullied into not using one, as I was when I was younger, had no boundaries and more vulnerable.

Thank you!

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Just take some with you and if it comes to sex, just say "I've got condoms if you don't have any".

Ansoloutley stick to your guns. I wouldn't even mention that you are on contraception.

As above. If he tries to coerce, persuade, bully, guilt trip anything you out of using one, pick up your pants and your standards and leave. He would not be the right person if he cannot respect your boundaries and, quite frankly what should be, an absolute foregone conclusion with a new partner.

You will have a fourth date with this man and are already calling him your "partner"? Things goes fast in this day and age 😅

If a man didn't want to wear a condom with me (when I was single) it was curtains. I value my health more than anything, who's to know where they've been?

I never even have a conversation. I just says 'I've got condoms on me if you don't have any'.

*I just say

@Mars27 I meant it in the sense of “sexual partner” or “romantic partner”, as opposed to life partner 😂

This. It's a matter of fact thing.

Don't let him strong arm you into not using one though. Some men are gits for getting you going through heavy petting and then getting the hump when condoms are brought up.

I really wouldn't know how are things in the dating scene now, I've been out of action for 18 years 😅

Thanks for the advice. I’m kind of thinking about not mentioning that I’m on birth control because it’s more of an incentive for him to avoid using condoms.

For all I know, he might be a perfect gentleman - he does give the impression that he is a thoughtful and considerate person. But my past experiences with men and condoms generally doesn’t fill me with confidence.

If he has a problem with wearing a condom, which is obviously the appropriate thing to do, then he's not worth continuing a relationship with.

Don't mention you're on the pill. He doesn't need to know that. Use this as a learning experience to decide whether this is a good relationship to continue with or not, before you get too involved.

^ this.

If he cannot respect this, then he isn't respecting you. This is also a big red flag for the future of any relationship you have with him.

Go out and buy some condoms. Be in control of the situation and if he isn't listening to you, get out of there.

I’m already armed with some invisible Durex condoms so I’m all prepared 🤣

If you aren't ready to say "have you got a condom?" Then you aren't ready to have sex with this person.

👏🏼😂 ideal. And yeah I agree, no need to tell him you're on the pill.

Why are you considering having sex with a man you’re worried about having a conversation about safe sex with?

Quite.

That exactly what I thought!

She didn’t call him her partner

Name changed for this.

You take your own and if he refuses to use them you get out of the situation and leave. I wish i had done that with the last man I was with because he wouldn't accept my saying I didn't want sex without a condom and went ahead anyway. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. So you make a fuss and you leave.

A condom is a firm boundary for you and if he isn't considerate of this get out before something serious happens.

Yes this.

Also I don't know if this is helpful but i can't believe i was nearly 40 before i learned how much better condoms are when you use lube ( a blob on the penis before you roll it on, and then on the outside.)

I've never known a guy refuse. If he had, it'd have been no go.

Just buy some and produce one if it gets to that point. No need to even mention you're on the pill

Just tell him straight out - no glove, no love. And if he objects you don't really want to be sleeping with him anyway

I've brought condoms with me before and the bloke said he hated them and said he would not use them.

I still let him shag me, without one.

I should've gone back home immediately.

A man who won’t wear a condom is not a man you should be having sex with.

Don’t mention the pill and take condoms