The next chapter

[Bluebeanbag]

Hi everyone, it feels fitting to start a new thread today to say the biggest thank you to you all. You have kept me going with such sound advice and cheerleading throughout this whole debacle.

I have just closed my own front door for the first time, after the removal men left, and sat on the stairs and had a big messy cry. I have imagined this moment so many times over the past year and it has finally happened. I love my teeny house to bits.

I'm sure there will be more rocks in the road to navigate and doubtless you will all be there to help me along the way. Thank you a million times over.

You did it!! You must feel amazing!

I hope your new house is the happy, safe haven that you and your children deserve

I Have read your previous thread, but I’m going back to read them. Im hoping to be where you are in maybe 6months, maybe a year. (God knows as he keeps trying to screw things up for me).

Best of congratulations, and I bet you have earned it for every second of the tears, anger and anguish you have had.

Wish me luck, and everyone else who is still not there yet.

BBB, a few thoughts for your onward Bodecia path !
Be ready for the adrenalin to subside.
You have had your eyes fixed on the house purchase , & finally getting away.
But you may well now have times, when you are alone, & you will feel isolated.
It

I don't know your full story but I can guess. I start looking at the Freedom Programme on Tuesday and I'm quite anxious so I want to wish you well.

Aaaagh, hit send !
It will be a new experience, that you may well have never experienced.
You grow up, go to school, work, marry, have kids, You are rarely alone for hours on end.
Like in the evenings.
In my case I revel in the silence, the freedom to call friends, write, do my legs.., drink a glass of wine in peace.
But I'm me, & you may find it brutally lonely.
So be ready for it, plan for it, take up a hobby ? learn a language, plan w/e visits when dc are away, book appointments, get on top if your admin...
You can embrace it if you are expecting it !!!
Have a fab w/e😊

Congratulations on your new home op

Thank you all. I'm absolutely revelling in the peace and the fact that there is nobody breathing down my neck. It's just such a liberating experience and as you say, worth every last tear and angst-ridden moment for the result.

@Mix56 I hear you and I am prepared. I think I am quite similar with respect to enjoying my own company. I have multiple interests and hobbies which have all been on the sidelines for the past 20 years and I feel like I will be able to stretch those creative wings again. I'm actually really looking forward to being alone for some of the time. Plus it makes it all the more sweet when the DC return.

On that note, I am glad to report that we have just done the first handover successfully. I messaged him this morning telling him to text me when he was leaving (because he wouldn't commit to a precise time of course - because he's too busy) and then again when he got here, and I would take them out to the car. He parked at the end of the road and the DC walked down to meet him.

Have also had the conversation with DC about not letting Daddy in the house. They looked a bit shocked because I was very firm about it, but they said they understood when I explained that this house was a sanctuary for me.

Yay! All is good so far.

So pleased for you.

Peace and security in your own home, is priceless.

Enjoy.

Brilliant, OP.
Start as you mean to go on.

@Bluebeanbag

Have also had the conversation with DC about not letting Daddy in the house. They looked a bit shocked because I was very firm about it, but they said they understood when I explained that this house was a sanctuary for me.

Excellent. That message can bear repeating from time to time to keep it current and clear and sharp for them. Also, be prepared for the fact he'll probably revert to type before too long, so shore up your defences. 🌹

Don’t know your backstory but am moved to tears just reading this thread - wishing only good things for and your DC !
xxx

Try not to feel nervous about doing it, it really helps. It can be a bit of a shock to see it laid so bare at how bad the situation is, but that also gives you the drive to be mad at how you've been treated, instead of sad at what you're losing. You're not losing anything but dead weight.. You're gaining everything and control of your own life x x

I was formerly Mariel, but name kept reverting to the old user handle on the original thread.

So happy to see you're settling into your new place and are free. Congratulations! And thanks for the new thread so we can keep following your journey. Hopefully these experiences will inspire others to make changes to their lives if necessary.

Your tenacity is amazing. Glad you are reaping your very well-deserved reward!

Brilliant. So good to hear you’re safe and happy. 💐💐💐

Oh OP. I've just spent the last 3 hours reading this and your previous thread. I've had a big cry and am absolutely thrilled for you in your new home.

The progression and growth you've made since your first post... I'm lost for words. I'm so proud and in awe of you. You bloody marvelous woman you.

How is settling in going? Have you had a chance to play your piano? Have you got a corkscrew for that fancy wine yet?

@Teaismymiddlename exactly that. It is a huge shock but also the driver. So many emotions. It feels like a tidal wave, but if you keep paddling you eventually break the surface.

@KatyKopykat the Freedom Programme was so helpful for me. Also Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft. It feels like a decade ago that I was reading these. Good luck and keep swimming. If I can do it, so can you 💐

Hi @SerafinasGoose 👋 Thank you. I was musing last night about how lucky I feel, but then I stopped myself and thought, it's not by luck that I've arrived here, but by my own design. I would usually dismiss that kind of feeling as self-indulgent and conceited but I allowed it to settle for once and it felt good!

@AelinAshriver settling in is going really well. I hired a van yesterday and drove with the DC to pick up some furniture including a sofa. They have been completely amazing. I asked a lot of them yesterday, but we made a great little team and now we have a lovely, comfy sofa instead of beanbags to sit on!

I have played the piano a little but it needs tuning after the move. What's interesting is that DS1 has been tinkling a bit and he has always sworn he is not interested in the slightest.

I still haven't found a corkscrew. I think exH may have it. I opened the prosecco instead 😂

Whoop whoop!

I've just read through your previous thread, and what a read it was. Your strength and your love for your children shone through. Congratulations on your brand new life and I hope you love every second of it! ❤️🍾

Thank you @Jewelanemone

I messaged exH this morning as we haven't discussed his contact with the DC. He has just replied that he wants to collect them every Friday night after work (from his DM's) and have them overnight until 'some time on Saturday'. He says when he can, he will also have them overnight on a Saturday but 'it's difficult to be precise' because he will 'need to take work shifts whenever he can get them' and will 'mostly likely be working on Sundays'. The irony of all this is that he has at least £100k in the bank following the sale of the house and yet he is still not prepared to prioritise his children.

I don't know how to deal with this really, or whether I need to get my solicitor involved again.

The adrenaline is wearing off now, as predicted. Feeling quite drained. Probably also prompted by the fact that I've had a couple of days with very little contact from him and now I'm back to having to deal with his nonsense.

I haven't replied to him yet and I'm still considering the whole thing.

There is another factor in all this, which is that DC1 is committed to an activity on Sunday afternoons which takes place near where I live. This will mean he will have to be back by lunchtime on Sundays every weekend anyway. So given this, perhaps exH's proposal isn't as deliberately awkward as it might seem.

Just say that you need weekend time with the DC too so he can have EOW Friday to Monday and he'll have to arrange childcare if he's working Sunday.

Seriously time to stop being a doormat now.

I messaged exH this morning as we haven't discussed his contact with the DC.

Just stop. Really.
Its up to him to ask, not for you to run around after him.
Just drop the rope. And breathe.

Yes. Tell him "that doesn't work for me and the boys" and don't budge.
He is trying it on already.

By the way, I'm not surprised you're feeling a little flat today. You've been through a huge ordeal.

Things will start to perk up again soon. But start as you mean to go on, as far as contact is concerned. Don't let yourself be railroaded.