The next chapter

[Bluebeanbag]

Hi everyone, it feels fitting to start a new thread today to say the biggest thank you to you all. You have kept me going with such sound advice and cheerleading throughout this whole debacle.

I have just closed my own front door for the first time, after the removal men left, and sat on the stairs and had a big messy cry. I have imagined this moment so many times over the past year and it has finally happened. I love my teeny house to bits.

I'm sure there will be more rocks in the road to navigate and doubtless you will all be there to help me along the way. Thank you a million times over.

@goody2shooz the problem is that I have my main job only 3 days per week so I top up my earning from 2 other jobs. I might be able to go back to full time with my main job but it would be a lot more stress and probably more hours of unpaid work than I currently do. I think life is just difficult for a lot of people now and I don't think I'm any different.

I remember your original thread.
He really is such a mean piece of shit.

How are you @Bluebeanbag , hope the financials are looking better, and you were able to come down to more regular 5 day working weeks. Happy 2026, you are an incredible woman and your DC are so lucky you are their mother ! I feel sorry for whoever is unknowingly dating your Ex, it's scary to think these scumbags can easily get a new girl going on dating apps and pretending to be nice guys.......

Thank you @DexterMorgansmum What a lovely comment 😊 I don't feel like I'm anything special, I just keep putting one foot in front of the other. One day I will have to be brave and read back through these threads to appreciate how far I've come. Finances and work are the same as always, but we have managed so far.🤞🏻for the future. I've still not be brave enough to put myself out on the dating scene again. It seems so far out of my comfort zone and anyway, I feel like the longer I am single, the more secure in myself I become.

@Bluebeanbag yay beanbag! Happy 2026, may it get better and better 💐

Healing after a long abusive marriage or relationship can take many years, you are doing great.
Making yourself and your life as you want it to be is the best thing you can do.

Society seems obsessed with people being in relationships, its as though you cant possibly be happy unless you are coupled up.

Keep living your best life 💜

@SortingItOut you're so right. So many people keep asking when I'm going to 'get myself out there'. I do feel very lonely sometimes, but I also feel like the loneliness has a purpose too.

Thank you @goody2shooz Happy 2026 😊

If you're feeling lonely but aren't comfortable putting yourself out there dating wise, which is completly valid, then would it be worth trying to make new friends? Doesn't have to be just mum/parent friends, you could look into hobbies or groups on your downtime?

When do you feel lonely? All the time or when you dont have the children?

It would be good to look at when and how these feelings arise and see what the connection is.

Sometimes it takes time to adapt to living your life for you after a marriage/relationship ends.
And remember there is nothing lonelier than being married but feeling lonely.

people seem to want us to be in a couple, hence the “get yourself out there.”
I think getting used to living without a partner is a valuable experience. i did it with 3 children for 6 years (25 years ago now) and absolutely regret letting another man into my life and marrying him.

@Elliana yes, I have joined a couple of hiking groups but I just don't get much downtime to be able to go and do it! I have a good group of really amazing friends who have supported me through all this as well. I think it's more the loneliness of solo parenting. Just that it sometimes weighs heavy and there's no-one there to give me a hug at the end of the day when I'm tired. I'm trying to give myself the hugs by looking after myself but it's not the same.

@Sortingitout I couldn't agree more. When I feel lonely, I remind myself how grateful I am that I have managed to escape and I no longer have him breathing down my neck. I think it's a yearning for the 'real thing' more than anything. I want someone to properly love me and to have an equal partnership with them. Although that seems like gold dust these days!

@slingsanderrors agreed. Until now, I had not been without a partner for more than about 6 months since I was 17. It's so valuable. I'm learning so much about myself and these are definitely the things I think about when I feel lonely.